Category Archives: Lists For Living

April’s Lessons: Savoring the Present Moment

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Appropriately for the month we’re in, April, 63, sent us a list of lessons that reflect an imortant idea: Savoring the small things each day that make life pleasant. (In fact, research shows that practicing an attitude of savoring in daily life leads to greater happiness.) April suggests we selectively look for positive experiences each day.

Find the poetry in life. Acknowledge the gift of the five senses and focus on what you see, what you hear, what you smell, what you touch, what you taste.

This morning I looked past the yellow, white and orange spring pansies on the deck to the fox hole dug into the hillside. The four kits poked their heads out daringly as the mother fox stood guard.

I filtered the world’s news to hear of the children romping at the White House scooping their colored hard-boiled eggs down the South Lawn. I listened for the resurgence of a dream as at 46 someone competes in the U.S. Figure Skating Championships.

I smelled the rich Irish cream coffee brewing in the kitchen as my feet touched the chilled wood floor. I wrapped myself in my comfortable fleece bathrobe and bit into the warm, buttered wheat toast.

To see, to hear, to smell, to touch, to taste with clarity and discernment—that is the poetry at each turn.

Pop’s Life Lessons – His Children Remember

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Our readers have been sending in great lists of lessons learned from elders in their lives. We loved this list created by Sarah Templeton Powel and her siblings. It sounds like their father was a fountain of life lessons!

Pop’s List

My father died  at age 92. He was truly a member of “The Greatest Generation”. At his service , I read the following list of life lessons my brother, sister and I learned from Pop:

+EXERCISE EVERY DAY
+DON’T WASTE MONEY, OR ANYTHING ELSE
+BE KIND TO CHILDREN AND ANIMALS
+KEEP YOUR SHOES SHINED
+WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG, FIX IT, LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON
+FEED THE TROOPS FIRST
+ALWAYS ORDER THE NEXT TO CHEAPEST THING ON THE MENU
+KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT
+RESPECT YOUR MOTHER
+GENTLEMEN DON’T SWEAR IN FRONT OF LADIES
+LEAD BY EXAMPLE
+WORK HARD – AND OFTEN
+TAKE VACATIONS, BUT DON’T TRAVEL FIRST CLASS
+ALWAYS HAVE MORE THAN ONE IRON IN THE FIRE
+ONLY BUY WHAT YOU CAN PAY FOR
+DON’T PROCRASTINATE
+USE PRONOUNS CORRECTLY
+TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
+NEVER ARGUE WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS
+IF YOU SAY IT, DO IT
+DISCIPLINE IS A POSITIVE ACTION, NOT A NEGATIVE REACTION
+IF HE SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM, IT WAS
+NEVER THROW AWAY A PAINT CAN IF THERE IS AT LEAST AN INCH OF PAINT LEFT
+ONLY BIG DOGS COUNT – IRISH WOFLHOUNDS ARE THE BEST
+HONESTY IS NOT THE BEST POLICY – IT IS THE ONLY POLICY
+SAY “THANK YOU” FOR ALL THINGS, GREAT AND SMALL
+ALWAYS LABEL YOUR PHOTOS
+NO ONE HATES WAR MORE THAN THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN IN ONE
+STAND UP STRAIGHT
+LIVE WITH DIGNITY AND HONOR
+VOLUNTEER
+ GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY

Wisdom from the past – for the youngest generation

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Verna, 91, wrote this “list for living” to her great-grandchildren. It’s a good one to pass on to the next generation in your family (be it children, grandchildren, or further down the line!

TO MY WONDERFUL GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN – ALL OF THEM:

1. So many things in the world have changed since the time of my grandparents and parents and the earlier times of my own life, and I know that there will be lots of changes in your lifetime too.

2. I hope you will always take school seriously (I was a teacher) and become well-educated to be ready for whatever kind of work or service you will be doing; that you will respect your body- take good care of it and try to have good health.

3. I hope that the governments of the world will do a better job of getting along with each other so that you can experience peace among nations.

4. I hope you will be a positive thinker, not negative or cynical; look for the good in people and things, and fill your life with love, kindness, and thoughtfulness for others.

5. Most important is to know God as you go into the future. I would hope that you will know the peace and joy and courage that come from following a life of love and service- the peace that passes all understanding.

5. Your real success in life lies is the kind of person you become, not with how famous or wealthy you are, so my most sincere wish is for you to live the wholesome life that will lead you to make good choices along the way, to Reach That Star that you are striving to reach.

YOU CAN DO IT!

Roberta’s List for Living

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I am always impressed when I receive lessons for living from people in their nineties and beyond. There’s so much lifetime there, and so much time to reflect on it. And I also rejoice in the gift these very old people give us, by taking the time to share their advice.

I loved this list of lessons from Roberta, age 95. Each one of these pieces of advice is worth pondering as you go through your day.

A happy marriage can be enjoyed when each considers what is best for both, and each thinks of what’s best for the other.

Have an income from agreeable work allowing saving for the future, for the children’s college education, and the possibility of catastrophic illness, yet allowing for a pleasant home life.

Have children whose futures will blossom as yours becomes less exciting.  Enjoy teaching them and watching them develop.  Enjoy their successes as well as your own.

Appreciate nature.  Love birds, animals, travel, even all kinds of weather.

Develop a kind nature.  Do whatever you can for others, even outside the family.

Take an interest in your town, state and nation politically, how it affects you and others.

Be careful of your health.  Consider the value of your diet, fruit, veggies, vitamins. To the extent that your income allows take part in excercise, sports such as sailing, skiing, tennis, and other sports, gardening, (enjoy what nature does as a result of your efforts)

If possible let art and music be part of your life.

Sharon’s List for Living

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Sharon, 79, shared her lessons for living in a letter with advice for every stage of life.

The topic you asked us to write about intrigued me. Thinking about it, it almost seems appropriate to have life lessons related to life stages:

Childhood

  • Believe in yourself and try to be around people who believe in you.
  • It is in fact hard for children to actually do this as they are limited in terms of the power and control they have over their environment. This is one of the major advantages of growing up.
  • Express yourself and explore.
  • Find a friend or soul mate to do it with you.

Young Adulthood

  • Work at finding something you are passionate about and pursue it.
  • Always aim to do more than is asked of you.
  • If you feel isolated and lacking in support, do something about it and don’t believe others if they say that they never feel that way too.
  • Find a life partner based on intimacy. A good test is: “Is that someone you would want to play with in the playground if you both were 6 years old?”
  • Chose someone for the joy or their voice or how they move; not to look after you financially or for status. Be prepared to find those things for yourself if you need them.

Adulthood

  • Never take your partner for granted. Treat them as you would your best friend. Good manners towards each other are an important part of home life. (I wish I knew this from my family of origin. It is one I am still struggling with.)
  • Hopefully you will have found your life partner first time around, but if not recognize the mistake and leave the relationship. It serves no purpose to ruin two people’s lives and it is important to model a positive relationship for your children
  • Children feel safest when they are with adults they can trust.
  • Be a trustworthy adult by being authentic and recognizing your own needs, and seeing that these needs are met. Modeling being a martyr does no favors to your children. Give them permission to do the same.
  • Enjoy your parents while they are still around both mentally and physically.

Now – Whenever That is

  • Balance your life so that you have time to enjoy the roses.
  • Do not take your health and well being for granted. Keep up the exercise and you can no longer indulge in some of the excesses that you could get away with when you were younger.
  • If your parents have become dependent on you, you have children again but this time you have to respect them as adults.
  • If you have not yet had a serious illness, be grateful.
  • Live each day as if you have had a serious look at your own mortality – so that there will be no regrets.
  • Enjoy the comfort and intimacy of old and newfound friends.
  • Give something back to the community.
  • Be a tribal elder.
  • Enjoy a good bottle of red.

Matilda’s lessons for living, peaceful and poetic

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Matilda, 78, sent us a set of lessons that read like poetry; calm, reflective thoughts good for a Sunday morning (and a snowy one here).

Over my life, I have learned:

to see the fun in the world instead of dwelling on the unhappy things

to be involved is to feel useful and fulfilled

to have love for others is to receive love

to give to others but also to accept help gracefully

to make changes for the better when possible, knowing that those changes can become ever widening circles – but if they don’t, that’s okay too

that depression is lightened by doing something nice for someone else

that our minds and bodies are intertwined and that positive thoughts influence our bodies in beneficial ways

that life isn’t always smooth but the rough spots bring greater appreciation for the good times

to not live in the past, but to profit from the past while living in the present and the future

How to be 89: Lenore’s Advice for Aging Well

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Lenore, 89, sent her lessons learned in a remarkable letter. She reflects on what makes for a good life, as well as a good old age. Some secrets: Keep learning, keep active, keep laughing.

I am 89 years young at heart. I am living in assisted living. I have six children, four are mine and two are my husband’s children. My two husbands are deceased. I have 11 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren, so far. Your letter reached me recently and I would like to participate in your project.

The following are some of the most important lessons I have learned over my long life.

Keep learning every day that passes. Education is important and you are never too old to learn something new- i.e. computers and the latest technology or a new way to cook something or how to make a quilt. Take classes that are offered by your local library.

Satisfy your curiosity. Read the newspaper each day as well as listen to the television. Make up your own mind on current events. Keep a dictionary by your side to look up new words.

Keep active both mentally and physically every day. Life has so much to offer. Take a walk if you can. Even if you are wheelchair bound do some movement of your arms and legs. Read magazines or books and share your thoughts with others.

Keep your sense of humor. Life is so much fun and a laugh lightens whatever is wrong.

Be responsible for your acts. Don’t lie. It is easier to tell the truth and the truth always comes out the same without thinking about it. Finally, have a strong faith in God no matter what life deals you.

Sincerely yours,

Lenore

P.S. Someone typed this for me because I type only with my left hand index finger.

Frederick’s List for Living

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We love our Legacy Project elders’ “Lists for Living!” Here’s a great list of life lessons from Frederick, 68.

1. Try as much as possible to avoid thinking about yourself. It’s not easy to express, except that you should put yourself out of the picture as much as possible in any situation and try to think objectively, almost as if you are a camera (with emotions and feelings) recording what goes on around you and responding to it. I think one will enjoy life to a much greater extent than if thoughts about yourself govern how you react to a problem or situation. This is not an easy task but I think will lead to more happiness.

2. Hard work and perseverance pay off. Don’t give up. If you can’t be convinced reasonably that you are wrong, stick to your beliefs. Also, in school and in your vocation and your family, patience and perseverance are critical. I found at a relatively early age that if you take your time and spend time, lots of it, you will have a much better chance of success. Where someone might think that 5 hours of work is enough for an endeavor, double or even triple that and you will do better.

3. Think carefully and be meticulous. Don’t trust others in business matters, and get as much good advice before you proceed in business.

4. Enjoy and love people, whatever their background, politics, nationality, race, religion, etc. People are wonderful and are to be enjoyed.

5. Enjoy animals – cats, dogs, birds, etc. I live in an area with a lot of wildlife and love to be with them. I have 5 cats, and they are fantastic companions. Animals are like children and are to be protected, enjoyed and loved.

6. Take care of yourself physically. Exercise throughout your life. I am partial to aerobic exercise, especially running. It’s hard work, but pays enormously in the way of making you more mellow and lowers your blood pressure. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, but don’t necessarily try to avoid foods, even if fatty or rich. Just don’t overeat. Avoid alcohol. I abstain totally and find I have no need for it. Avoid tobacco. When I was 6 years old, my older brothers thrust a cigarette in my mouth. I never smoked a cigarette again.

7. Be open-minded as much as you can. Everyone has some point of view which you may initially reject, but always give it consideration. If you’re a “conservative”, always listen to the other viewpoint, and vice versa. You should always try to obtain the truth. Even with those who do what others consider outrageous acts, listen to them, in order to pursue the truth.

8. In personal matters, i.e. your spouse or children, where there are disagreements, I have found that it is good to give way to the point of view of the person who most strongly holds a belief. There are many disagreements which cannot be resolved objectively, so listening to the person who most strongly holds a belief has made my relationships very durable.

9. Act quickly if you think you have come into a good situation. If you are looking for a home and you find a good one and a great price, snap it up. These clear-cut situations do not come too often, but when they do, recognize it and act.

Some Reflections for the Holiday Season: Samuel’s List for Living

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We always love what we call “Lists for Living” we receive from elders. As we enter the holiday time, Samuel’s list of advice for younger people has many points to ponder.

It is with a sense of gratitude and gratification that I take the opportunity to express the feelings and thoughts which I gathered over the years. I am hopeful that the younger readers will appreciate these experiences. I am 87 years old, male, boasting an active mind, with healthy body, sound vision and using my own set of teeth.

 Family

            Family life has been the established group living for centuries. There is no substitute for that in terms of gratification, self-worth, and completeness. It provides the best combination for physical, emotional, and spiritual fulfillment. At the end of the day, I could say: I am glad to be alive. Of course, I was fortunate to have found an ideal mate.

 How to Succeed

            To succeed in any art or endeavor, one must love it passionately and that comes with the admiration of the masters who had contributed to its development.

 Making Decisions

            Do not decide on major matters at abnormal times, places, or moods. Try to be alone in a calm and secluded place, away from the environment which caused the problem. You will then discover or uncover an inspiring solution.

 Prepare Yourself An Alternative

            When you face a situation which seems difficult or impossible to resolve, despite a persistent perseverance, do not get discouraged. Instead, find an alternative to lean on. This will help you face the problem with a positive solution and avoid the feeling of disappointment. It works!

 Heed Your Feelings and Thoughts

            Your instincts are worth pursuing all the way towards achievement. If you cannot do what you like, then LIKE what you are doing. Go as far as you can see, then see how far you can go!

 Taking Risks

            Nothing ventured is nothing gained. In cultivating a close relationship with a special woman, for example, take chances; you may be surprised. When you pursue this relationship, bring out the best in her. Love is such a wonderful feeling. Make the most of it, with patience and perseverance. Your mate may be hard to understand sometimes; but try to conquer her or him with love and companionship. That is precious.

 Spirituality    

            No matter what faith one follows, there is a need for the spiritual link with Creator, God, as well as relationship with the universe. Life is richer and deeper with this connection.

Patsy’s List for Living: What I’d Tell My Grandchildren

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Patsy, 90, offers advice to her grandchildren (and young people of all ages). Some of the advice she gives is unexpected, and it shows us how life experiences from 70 years ago can lead to highly relevant lessons for living.

I’d like my 16 grandchildren to learn a few of my favorite things that helped me live a good life. Not necessarily in order of importance, these include:

Be moderate in your eating and drinking habits. Eat everything in moderation and step on a scale daily to ensure you are maintaining your ideal weight. Drink the drinks you like, but use moderation in carbonated drinks, especially cola drinks that harm your teeth. As a teacher, I often placed a child’s first tooth in a glass of cola to show it disappeared in about a week.

Engage in after school activities from the time you enter school through high school. Participate daily in whatever you enjoy – sports, dance, music, art, drama, science, writing, etc. These activities will not only keep you busy but help you get into college.

When you get advice from a smart source, take it. In the long run it could help you. During WWII, my college advisor said, “Someday, Patsy, you may have to work.” I took his suggestion and earned a Masters in Education and Government and so became qualified to teach in any school in the country. Eighteen years later as the single mother of six, I was able to get the “perfect single parent job” – a teacher with the same schedule as my children.

When opportunity knocks, go for it – even if it necessitates moving. As a teacher I moved from St. Petersburg, FL to Ft. Lauderdale, FL. to Los Angeles, CA, to Santa Clara, CA.

Don’t buy anything you can’t pay for on the spot. Use a credit card and pay it off at the end of each month. Never waste money on interest. Except for my house, I buy everything for cash, including my car.

Start your children with savings accounts when they receive their first allowance or gift of money. Encourage them to save all or part of all the money they receive or earn and amaze them with compound interest. My parents encouraged me to do this so on my 16th birthday I was able to buy a $1600 car (a new Buick in 1937) for cash. And it all started with 5 cents per week in a grammar school savings program.

Teach your children the sounds of the letters of the alphabet before they go to school. They will then be able to sound out most of the words in the English language. They can succeed as early as two or three years of age. Knowing how to read enables you to learn everything else. I taught Remedial Reading this way for 20 years and every one of my students learned to read.

I’m sure I will think of other things I have learned in attaining my good life. But these came to mind immediately. I note that most are not generally taught today. I hope that some of the methods I used in achieving a good life will help others do the same.