I have to admit that I never expected to be compared to Pope Francis! Now if I am totally honest, I wasn’t exactly compared to the Holy Father. However, my book, 30 Lessons for Living, was just favorably compared to a book by Pope Francis and Friends, which still feels pretty flattering. And the Pope’s book is a very interesting one.

Pope Francis published a earlier book with his answers to children’s questions. He followed it up with this one:

Now in his 80s, Francis has published Sharing the Wisdom of Time, along with 250 interviewees, as well as editors and writers at Loyola Press and elsewhere — curated by Jesuit Fr. Antonio Spadaro, editor-in-chief of La Civiltà Cattolica.

Ranging in age from their 60s to their 90s, the participants muse on the meaning of events in their lives that relate to work, struggle, love, death and hope as they share pivotal moments and the lessons learned.

Both wealthy and poor, educated and unskilled, the participants had worked as farmers, historians, teachers, recyclers, priests, pastors, chefs, nurses, writers and film directors, among other occupations. There’s also a 98-year-old veteran (he died several months before this book was published), who reminiscences about his bombing runs during World War II.

Whether Catholic or not, the book is of interest (and possibly inspiration) to anyone interested in elder wisdom and how it can transform our lives.

I’ve been doing a lot of traveling, and I was a bit overwhelmed looking forward to the coming week. Don’t get me wrong – I love my job. But facing the emails and tasks that are waiting can take a bit of the usual spring out of one’s step.

So I went back to the Legacy Project Elders, and I found what I needed. Flora, 80 and still very active, suggests the following idea. I’m trying it tomorrow (and I feel better already)!

Flora’s approach to living is to embrace the pleasures each day holds, and she reinforces that attitude with a daily habit:

I like to start out the day with a list of ten things that I’d like to do that day. Now, I’m not going to accomplish all of them and probably only one of them is going to work out, but I never know which one, at the beginning of the day. It’s not a “to do” list—it’s just a list of what I would like to try doing. I’m always looking for new things to try. They don’t have to be difficult things—I’m probably not going to take up hang gliding or something like that. Something simple. Finding new opportunities and new challenges each day.

If I were to give any particular word of advice, I would say, go about the business of the day, humdrum as it might be, but walk on your tiptoes, waiting for the “aha!” experiences. That happens when you’re going around the corner doing the normal, everyday things. So be prepared for those “aha!” experiences that may happen anytime. That way you’re always open to, and watching for, something different—watching for a feather from an angel’s wing.

My involvement  in the Legacy Project has brought me some wonderful experiences, but none beats my “wisdom dialogue” last Saturday with the amazing Tao Porchon-Lynch. As the New York Times declared in a feature article this month, Tao is the “98-year old yoga celebrity” with an incredible life story: professional dancer, model, actress; associate of notables from Ghandi, to Hemingway, to Noel Coward, to Marilyn Monroe, to the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. And she’s in the Guinness Book of world records as “oldest yoga teacher,” keeping a full schedule of classes (despite a hip replacement). And she started a prize-willing career as a competitive ballroom dancer at age 87. Talk about “successful aging…”

The wonderful Rubin Museum in New York City brought Tao and me together in their”Wisdom Matrix” series, to discuss “The Secret to a Good Life.” It was a true peak experience to sit with someone who marched with Ghandi, lived through the Blitz in London, and went on to become a contemporary spiritual master. We covered a wide range of topics in our discussion, but for me the most striking thing was Tao’s unabashedly positive approach to life. She consciously rejects fear and instead focuses on breathing, exhorting us to feel the “breath of life” that connects us with all other humans. She declares each morning that the day at hand will be “the best day,” and lives her life that way.

As someone who came as close as one can to failing a yoga class, she did an amazing shoulder stand that would have put me in the orthopedic unit.

The video of the discussion will come out soon. In the meantime, I recommend Tao’s book, Dancing Light: The Spiritual Side of Being through the Eyes of a Modern Yoga Master. It interweaves Tao’s extraordinary life with her spiritual insights.

Dear Readers,

In the past you have come up with great advice for people who wrote to the Legacy Project blog asking for advice. Can you help this young woman, below? Please comment with your advice and suggestions!

She writes:

My partner and I are very different. I used to think that being different people made the relationship exciting, but three years later it is starting to take a toll on my happiness. I am constantly asking myself whether this is the person I want to spend my life with – and I don’t know the answer to that anymore. I love him with all my heart but I feel like I am outgrowing him. I am very career-driven. I just graduated university and on my way up the career ladder, whereas he is 7 years older than me with no formal qualifications and an entry level laboring job. When I get home from work I want to have intellectual conversations and am excited to share what happened during the day. He would listen but it would go right over his head and he will say “Oh yeah, well anyways today…” and start talking about something else. It just discourages me so much. Before I used to be fine with him finishing a work week and having a beer with the boys but now a week finishes and I want to have a quiet night at home with him – but he is still adamant on spending time with the boys and having a beer. I am over it; I just feel like I really need someone on my level. We are similar in every other way, culture, sense of humor, family and religious values, but it’s other things that get me down and make me question the relationship. I don’t think this comment has any structure at all (complete brain fart) but anyway. I would like to hear about anyone’s experience who has bitten the bullet and chosen to accept a difference and if it actually helps or whether you are better off finding someone more compatible?

Please weigh in!

Oh yeah, his mother. A lot of conflict. I had the impression she didn’t like me very much. I could live with that, but my husband never stuck up for me, so we fought about it. The apron strings were tied to him, and you just didn’t go against Mommy. And we fought about it because he would say, “Oh you’re crazy, she never said that.” And I’d go, “I don’t believe you don’t believe me.” And arguments would start. And after it was over I’d say, you know, how stupid we’re arguing about this, God forbid we get divorced over her. My husband would never say anything like “Hey mom, that’s my wife, cool it.” I never got that.

You may not like your mother-in-law or your father-in-law or your in-laws very much but you certainly can love them and stay close to them. Remember that they’re your loved one’s family. I learned to love them. I mean, I loved them because they were my husband’s parents and I loved him.

My husband didn’t care for my dad because my dad was a completely different kind of person compared to my husband. My dad was the boss of everybody and everything. He was never aggressive; he never hit us kids or my mother. But he was a total boss. What my dad said was law and order and we all knew it. And my husband was a gentle, soft-spoken, easy-going person who would rather die than make a fuss. He was a completely different personality. In particular, they didn’t see eye to eye about the government. My dad was a Democrat, my husband was a Republican. They’d get into those arguments.

So finally, I made the rule that there would be no discussions of politics when we were all together. And I said to my husband: “If Dad starts in about the Republicans, I’m going to walk out of the room and you come see what’s wrong with me because I don’t want to hear this anymore.” I guess that was the only problem in our early marriage. Of all the big decisions we had to make in marriage, I think the most important was deciding that I wasn’t going to listen to that problem between my father and my husband.

We’re pleased to share with you the post from our second summer intern! Melanie Turner is a junior at the University of Virginia, majoring in speech pathology and Spanish. She learned valuable insights from Sam about drive and commitment at work. Here’s her post:

86-year-old Sam, a chemical engineer who worked for 42 years at the same company, believes that being successful in one’s career requires a willingness to see any task through to completion: In his view, work’s not just fun. Work is work, by definition, and to get ahead in this life you have to work hard.

Looking back on his life, Sam attributes his promotion in the company to working hard, even on undesirable assignments. He recalls that when top executives at his firm were faced with a challenging interpersonal situation, his reputation for being competent and dependable served him well.

Be known in the business for the person who can get it done. I was always that way. I remember we had some environmental problems in the company, and three professors from a local university had put together a proxy statement that we were going to have to send out to our shareholders. And there were Catholic nuns – you know, Catholic converts – and they felt we weren’t paying sufficient enough attention to environmental matters. Of course, a company doesn’t like to send out proxies like that to its shareholders.

So we went around the room with all the ten executives sitting there, and we said, “Hmm, now who’s going to handle this problem?” And I could see everybody sweating, because they were all good at interpersonal relations. You couldn’t be in that room if you weren’t. But it always ended up with me. They all took a big sigh of relief around the table: “Thank God he didn’t stop on me! Good old Sam can do it.

Sam identifies his dependability as one reason for his success. Even though he didn’t want to reason with displeased shareholders, he was willing to approach the task optimistically. This attitude earned him respect with his colleagues. In fact, when the company faced a difficult circumstance involving a law firm, Sam’s reputation for always doing his job well saved his career.

They hired a New York law firm, and the guy said “Well, the first thing you gotta do is get a fall guy and fire him,” so that everybody can say, “They’re taking positive steps.” So the CEO called me in and said, “Sam, here’s the deal: the first step they recommend is that I’d fire you.”

Sam told me he was frightened, but that he did not give up hope. After reading an article about the way a different company’s interim CEO proved his ability to serve as the permanent replacement, Sam decided to advocate for himself on the basis of his effort and dedication.

I cut this out of the newspaper, and brought it into the CEO: “You know, I think I am the best guy for the job. And I just read this article.” And this is what happened. He said, “I can’t believe you read that article, because I read the same article in Fortune, and I thought about you.” He said, “You are the best guy for the job.” That was the answer. It was over. A month later I was voted to be the vice president of corporation, and corporate officer.

Sam’s hard work, willingness to deal with unforeseen problems, and commitment to the firm led to his continued employment and subsequent promotion. His tenacity teaches us that success in one’s career depends on pushing through no matter what challenges we face. In sum, Sam believes it’s all about “being the go to guy to get it done.”

Our summer interns are back! These undergraduates spent part of the summer interviewing older people about their advice for living, through the Risk And Resiliency Internship at Cornell. Here’s the post from David Lachs, a junior attending New York University majoring in Neuroscience, Psychology, and Mental Health studies. While conducting his interview, David learned the importance of considering the role of control in our lives.

David writes:

We often find ourselves faced with challenges, stress, and difficult decisions on a daily basis. I interviewed Grace, age 67, who says it’s how we handle these situations that makes all the difference. When we encounter such a circumstance, Grace reminds us how critical it is to take a step back and exercise our judgment. She noted:

Many events that happen to us are a result of a chance. But of course many, too, derive from conscious choices we make. Nevertheless, consider the idea of us able to categorize things into two groups: that which we can control, and that which we cannot control.

She went on:

When the moment goes awry, and the circumstances drift away from you, recall the two aforementioned categories. If a decision is not yours to make, or an event is not contingent upon your will, or someone’s actions will be independent of your own, then what is the use in fretting [over them]? Stress is already abundant! And free for the taking. It’s not as if you can change these outcomes. Be conscientious with what you bring in your domain of concern.

Grace finds this advice particularly applicable for those “crunch-time” work situations:

If you have a big deadline to make, as an example, consider what is most probably in your hands: where you decide to work on the assignment, when you decide to do the assignment, whether to have a mobile phone around, whether to surf the web, and the option to use caffeine [she highly recommends coffee!]. But, how your boss reacts to your report is contingent upon too many arbitrary matters you do not have complete control over. Certain people prefer certain styles of writing and authors. Optimize your capabilities to promote the most desired outcome, and to make it a healthy transaction, so to speak, for everyone.

From my interview with Grace, I learned an important lesson for living. Some things we have control over, and some we do not. In making this distinction, a redefined sense of control can be empowering, allowing us to maximize our efforts and drop the futile concerns of changing the uncontrollable in a situation.