We are gathering advice from elders who lived through the Great Depression and World War II on how to cope with our current crisis. The Legacy Project is devoted to collecting and sharing elder wisdom, and we’d love to hear from you about how younger people can stay well and hopeful. Please share your lesson in the comment box below. Feel free to share your own wisdom, or advice that an elder shared with you.
(We have shared some lessons for living through a crisis after the comments box.)
The best advice I ever got was from my 1st Mother-in-law, whom I loved. I was only 28 at the time and thought it was the silliest thing i ever heard, but as time has passed(28 years) I realized it was just profound. Are u Ready? All she said to me was: “It’s only a problem if you think it is a problem.” In other words if there were things in my life that disturbed me all i could do was make changes w/ my self. There is no changing other people, only changing yourself, your situation, etc. She was a very wise woman and I am thankful she shared her experiences and wisdom gathered from them w/me.
To succeed,mMaster Oral & Written Expression, read Joseph Campbell and follow your bliss!
This is terrific advice, Luann. Many of the elders felt they had learned that lesson. I began to call this view “Happy in spite of…” as opposed to “Happy if only…” People who have been through some of the hardships that America’s elders have experienced know to seek happiness inspite of problems, I think.
Hello Gordon! I agree – and I think Joseph Cambell’s written expression of complex and difficult ideas is a great model: both for thinking about how to live, and how to write!
People make decisions 3 ways-with their head, their, heart, and their gut. Decisions made with their head are done logically, using critacal thinking skills. Ones made with the heart are made on an emotional level. But the decisions made with the gut are are feeling you get in the pit of your stomach-something about the situation doesn’t feel right. Whenever you are faced with a situation that doenst feel right in the pit of your gut, then follow that and you’ll make the right decision.
Upon returing to school at 50+ years of age to finish my life long desire to become a social worker, I recognized the value of also being a role model to my children and grandchildren. Learning is life long. It doesn’t end when you graduate from high school or with a college degree. Keeping an active mind means staying in touch with life on a daily basis. I have a great connection with my grandchildren whereby they come to me to talk about things that they won’t share with anyone else. Being non-judgemental of their decisions or indecisions helps them to talk without being pressured or stressed. I have learned a lot from this next generation that has helped to understand life in this generation. I am grateful for that.
I interviewed 28 active people in their nineties to find out what were the traits of someone whom I considered a “lively nonagenarian.” Here are 20 commonalities I observed:
Flexibility (being willing to adapt to new situations)
Having a sense of humor
Living simply
Taking one day at a time
Never turning down an invitation
Doing things in moderation (particularly in regard to food)
Getting regular exercise
Having an optimistic attitude
Keeping mentally stimulated
Being open to meeting new people
Relating to younger people
Being connected to friends and family
Involvement in enjoyable activities
Loving to read
Having a “nothing can stop me” outlook
Sharing and caring
Not thinking about age
Being interested in what’s going on around you
Never quitting learning
Being just plain lucky (being blessed with good genes, good health,
and meaningful relationships)
© Connie Springer, larkspur@fuse.net. The book may be viewed and ordered from http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1785463#
Here’s a lesson for living which, at age 69, I’m still having trouble learning myself: simply shut up and listen. To the words and ideas of others, to the sounds of nature, to your own body. It’s not an easy lesson to learn, because there are times when what we have to say feels much more ‘important’ than what others are saying at us, but it’s an extremely valuable exercise, for a number of reasons: it’s a window into human nature; listening is a social lubricant; you might learn something; you might avoid or solve a problem you didn’t know you had; and so on.
Hi Cameron,
I couldn’t agree more – especially given that I myself have to struggle with listening. It’s so easy to be thinking, for example, of what one is planning to say next that we don’t hear what the other person is saying. This is one key lesson for living that people of any age would benefit from. Thanks!
Hi Connie,
I love this list of lessons! And the book looks terrific!
You can’t find completeness in accomplishments, things or another person. The state of perfect peace comes from an intimate relationship with God. Seek God and you’ll have EVERYTHING you need.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is to take time to be a good person. It is important to teach your children and grandchilden to be good citizens, know the right thing to do and give back to their community. The second thing I learned is to play and have fun with your family and friends. Work is important for sustaining your life but how you spend your time with others or alone makes for quality of life. Be good to yourself, your family, your community and have fun. Your example can influence more people than you realize. Be a good example for others.
When I was in my 20’s and would see an older person it made me sad that someday I would be old. I am n;ow 63, have two wonderful grown children and a fabulous grandchild who brings me great joy. I often wonder where the time went!! I have always tried to laugh as much and as often as possible and I continue to learn new things every day. Staying active, being curious and maintaining the ability to laugh, (especially at myself) has kept me happy. I have also been single since 1979.
Each new phase of our lives hold gifts and challenges. As I moved from the motherhood to the crone stage, I celebrated with a rite of passage that included good friends, good food, candles, words of gratitude to each of my guests, and loving words from each of my guests. Each friend brought a bead or small stone and described the part I play in her life. I needleworked a Tree of Life and incorporated all those beads and stones. My joy and gratitude in the wisdom and serenity of being older replaces society’s message that youth and physical beauty are the only ideal. I have more aches and pains now, but my heart and head still look forward. I do not grieve the past or fear the future. The rite of passage helped me fully embrace and appreciate the beginning of my life’s last stage.
Dear Patrick,
As a former “rebellious teen” myself, I resonate to what you are saying! I’ve also had many people describe military service as a way to find discipline and a purpose in life. Thanks for sharing your lessons!
One of the greatest life lessons I have learned is from my father on my bat mitzvah. Standing next to my identical twin sister, he quoted Marlo Thomas by saying “Always remember to run your own race.” As a cross-country runner and an identical twin, I repeat this phrase whenever I feel competitive or jealous of my sister and peers. It allows me to prosper as an individual and furthermore, it encouraged me to separate from my sister in college. With a great deal of apprehension and anxiety, we split up and are in the midst of a new beginning: making friends without everyone saying “Twins!” and going to classes without the teachers fascinated by our similar strengths and interests. Even though it is difficult to be apart, I have embraced my individuality. Running around Beebe lake, across the Suspension bridge and up the Slope, I think to myself I am truly running my own race.
Appreciating the Present
An older lady who helped out at my church frequently served as a role model and mentor for me and a bunch of my peers. Something she reinforced constantly was the importance of living in the present moment. We only have one moment at a time so cherish it, embrace it, and live it to the fullest before it’s gone completely.
Oftentimes, especially in our fast pace society, it is easy to be constantly planning for our futures or dwelling in our past mistakes, accomplishments, etc. Taking the time to realize that now is all we’ve got enables me to appreciate the relationships, community, and environment that I am blessed with. Knowing this, it is far simpler to take advantage of those opportunities which truly benefits me more than attempting to plan something out myself.
My grandfather has said that you should be smart about spending money. But this does not mean that we should meticulously scrimp on everything. “Money that should be spent, should be spent.”
I recently applied to medical schools. At one point, I did not want to add anymore schools. Applications are very expensive, with each school at $100 to $150. But then I was reminded of my grandfather’s words. I should not concern myself with the cost of education. Plus, I was limiting my list to the point of concern because I was not applying to enough schools to be safe.
Thanks grandpa.
One of our more memorable family mantras was started by my Great Uncle many years ago, and has been a favorite line of my parents every since. It goes, “Your sister is your best friend is your sister is your best friend is your sister is your best friend is your sister….(and so on).”
This lesson has always been a useful reminder for my sister and me, and has helped keep our relationship strong.
When visiting an elderly home in Maine I was talking to a group of women with more energy than you could possibly imagine. One woman left an impact on my life and I always remember what she said when we were leaving, “Variety is the spice of life, EXCEPT with your husband.”
My mama said, “Child don’t hurry into marriage before you know who you are: stumble, fumble through your own story, before you melt into another’s. Once you stand at the threshold of marriage: your mother’s, mother’s mother’s story will be standing right behind you and the one you wed: well, his or her’s mother’,mother’s mother’s story is standing right behind them, as well as the father’s story! Be prepared to weave the beauty and the estacy of all the ancestors!
That is what my mother told me, and so it goes…………..
Family first. Your opportunity to be of service to the Higher Power you have chosen is through serving your family. When the communication with the family of origin is not great…you can have some patience and try with the children of your siblings. When that communication does not work as well as you expected….be patient and try the next generation. Always be open to forgiveness as it truly a gift you give yourself. Forgiveness is the key. Forgive yourself first. Then you can put family first.
No matter what ~ learn to love, love something or someone more than yourself.
Love yourself first but love others more. Everything else you do in life will be rooted in this one principle. And you will come to know what it is to serve all life.
“Give Back”-
I have learned an amazing life lesson that involves giving of yourself. We all should give back to our communities is some way. This can be a donation of time or resources……if you cannot write a check then volunteer your time, if you don’t have time to donate, give generously to those organizations and causes that you are passionate about…..the gift you will receive is joy.
Immediately after graduate school, I had the opportunity to live with my grandparents for a year while I completed an exciting but low-paying internship. Although they lived very simply, they were incredibly happy people — both were in their mid-80s and had been married for 61 years at the time. In late 2006 and early 2007, one of the biggest cable news network headlines was the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter. One morning, I overheard my grandfather shouting to my grandmother “Grandma! GRANDMA! I have something to tell you!” She asked, “What is it, Bob?” He replied, “I’m really sorry…I’m the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.” At that moment, it was apparent to me that their individual and shared sense of humor had played a significant role in the longevity of their marriage and their six decades of happiness. Rarely had they taken themselves or life too seriously. I learned a lot that year during my internship, but the most valuable lesson came from them: cultivating the ability to laugh at ourselves and poke good-natured fun at each other is key to weathering the rough times and building a strong, happy life and relationship.
How poetic and beautiful!
My Grand-Grandfather Yip Harburg was a wise man who wrote a lot of song lyrics and poetry. Some of his more famous works include all the songs from the “Wizard of Oz,” as well as the Depression era son “Brother Can You Spare a Dime?” However, there is one lesser known poem that he wrote that I used frequently growing up and looking to find love. It served me well as I dated on and off throughout my years, I still use it to this day. The poem is:
“Oh innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse:
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
But to let a kiss fool you, is worse.”
This is so true in so many ways!
Stress and supressing my emotional pain sent me to the emergency April 1st 2011 with stomach pains. A hernia had caused a blockage in my stomach. After the emergency surgery, I got fluid in my lungs, pneumonia, and an infection, my heart went down to pumping only 20%, I got ejection fracture and cardio myopathy. To top it all off, the doctors put me in a coma-like state for eighteen days. When I awoke, I learned how the doctors and nurses thought I was not going to make it, and how close I truly came to dying. While I was laying there realizing that at 50 years old I almost died, I decided then I wanted to live a much simpler life. And I thought the greatest thing I could strive for was to love someone and be loved back. With that I would be able to meet any challenge life sent my way, because I would have my partner right there with me, me loving her and she loving me, and nothing else would matter.
Don’t believe the people who tell you that you “can’t” do something. Some of my greatest pleasures on growing older are accomplishing things that teachers told me I couldn’t do: drawing, painting, playing the violin.
Always keep learning. It energizes your brain.
Don’t sweat the little things. Everything in this life always works out the way it was supposed to. Life has this ebb and flow of moments; if you only focus your attention on those small, nagging instances, life goes by without you even knowing where it went. That’s what my elder taught me. Although I have to remind myself of this every day, I know I notice those fleeting moments where everyone else is too preoccupied with the unimportant.
Only a few choices in life are really permanent. You can change careers, go back to school, revisit a previous job. Each opportunity opens new choices, enjoy life’s adventures.
How to be Happy on a day to day basis:
Keep a good attitude in life. Trust in the Lord, let him lead. Have fun, be playful and give people a hard time! Start out each day with a good attitude and bring that to others you run into. And Smile!!
Daryl, 63 years old
Johanna Shores Assisted Living
Arden Hills ,MN
Donna – 84 years old, Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN:
Sharing wisdom and life lessons:
One of the most important things in life is to develop a relationship with the Lord and foster that relationship your whole life. Relate with the Lord in everything you do. When you get married be sure to marry someone who shares your same values and beliefs. Ensure your children go to a church where they can learn and enjoy being passionate about their spirituality.
Peggy – 75 years old, Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN
Tips on raising children:
Teach them to take care of themselves and be self sufficient: clean clothes, hang them up, make their bed. And raise them to listen. An allowance is not necessary for chores, it is being part of the family.
Joan – 60+ years old, Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN
Tips on raising children:
Don’t let the kids manipulate you by checking with you first and then your spouse. Have a clear line of communication with your spouse to avoid this and have a plan on how to deal with it. Teach your children to be independent and creative thinkers. Teach them not to follow the crowd and be blindly led, even by you as parents!
John – Middle aged , Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN
Tips on how to be Happy day by day:
Be thankful for everything you have! One word: Attitude!
It was during my college years. My mother and I became caretakers for both my grandmother (diagnosed with breast cancer) and grandfather (wheel chair bound from stroke). It was very difficult because we could not find a nurse aid that will speak my grandparents native tongue and having the passion to really care for them. In the end the stress of school and taking care of my grandparents took it’s toll. That year, I failed my internship horribly. My professor came up to me while I was crying and said, ” It is not the end of the world. There will be other opportunities for you.” I was feeling so hopeless because I could not control the world around me. After having some thoughts of what my professor had said to me, I decided to set new goals and continued on with my education. It took me sometime to realize what she fully meant, life will always be difficult and bitter at times but with the right attitude you can learn from the experience and find other ways to achieve your goals. Keeping that in mind, I was able to set new goals and finally earn my college degree while taking care of my grandparents.
I am almost 52 and am blessed with 5 generations living. My grandmother is 93 and this morning I am holding my breath waiting to see if she made it through the night in the hospital. Growing up in a military family we moved around the world and she was my only constant and best friend no matter how many miles between us. She encouraged the adventure when I was uncertain about a new place. She encouraged my dreams no matter how small or childish. It was always her face I saw in my heart when I was afraid. When I married she gave this one piece of advice and I’ve held to it…never go to bed angry. Even in their worst of fights, Grandpa put his arm out for her to come to him when they went to bed at night. I lost my Grandpa 32 years ago and am still sad from the loss. I know that the days to come will be the most difficult of my life….but I will never go to bed angry and will try to find comfort in knowing that Grandpa will be there waiting for her with his arms out.
I am seventy one years old and would like to share with the readers what I get from my eighty nine year old mother everytime I call her, {which is mostly each day}. She answers the phone with the most cheerful voice of anyone else I talk to during the day. What that does for me is make me feel positive about my day . My mother is telling me everything is wonderful, even though she is taking care of my 93 year old father, who is a World War 11 Vet, my brothers twenty three year old autistic son, {she has had him since birth}, and she is loosing her eyesight. Answering the phone with a cheerful voice can be a lesson for all of us in a world that revolves around the negative, this is my becon of light.
As a woman approaching the early years of old age, I have learned much and experienced many things. I have lived in total despair with no hope, and I have discovered how to live on the mountaintop, able to experience JOY in all things, despite whatever circumstances I find myself in. The Bible is the Direction Book for life and I would like to submit just one of many verses;
Proverbs 4:25-27
“Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.
Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.”
For all you young people, acknowledge God in all you do for He determines your life. Your choices matter for eternity. Do what is right and do not try to short-cut through life but be willing to do the work. Be honest and forthright in all you do. Take your eyes off yourself and put them on others and do good. BE THANKFUL for the blessings you have in your life. BE SATISFIED and CONTENT with what you have been given and acknowledge God who is the Giver of all Good Things. Being a follower of Jesus does not insure you againist difficulties and pain in life, but it does guarantee that you will have direction, peace, comfort, guidance and experience His Presense through the deep valleys we all will walk through while we are in the world. He is faithful to come to you when you call His Name, and He will walk with you through every difficultity in life until the day He brings you Home to His House. Living in the sweet spot of Christ is the best place to be and the only thing that can be counted on. To all who might read this post, I pray you will discover the Treasure that you can have in knowing Jesus as your Lord and King…..blessings!
Teach Our Children History
In about 100 years or so, every single human now living on earth will be dead and a whole new population will take our place! The question is, will our true history be fully preserved if we fail to teach each new generation that follows? It appears that we are loosing segments of it gradually. Is this by design or by neglect?
I’m 70 years old and the most important message for me in life is from a little booklet that my Wife and Son wrote called “The Platinum Rule”
It goes as follows:
Some live their lives by
the
GOLDEN RULE
“Do unto others as you
would have them do
unto you”
You are called to live by
the Golden Rule
You “Choose”
to live by the
PLATINUM RULE
“Do more for others
than you would have
them do for you”
When you adopt the
PLATINUM RULE
as a way of life, you will
be fulfilled beyond all of
your expectations
What is expected?
DO MORE
What is the minimum?
DO MORE
What is required?
DO MORE
In all your actions,
DO MORE
FAMILY
DO MORE for your family
than you would have
them do for you
FRIENDS
DO MORE for your
friends than you would
have them do for you
NEIGHBORS
DO MORE for your
neighbors
than you would have
them do for you
WORK
DO MORE for the people
you work with
than you would have
them do for you
PEOPLE I ENCOUNTER
DO MORE for the people
that you encounter
than you would have
them do for you
Your life is a journey
only to be fully lived
by doing more for
others than you would
have them do for you.
Make your discovery
today of a truly
fulfilled life by
walking down the
STREETS OF PLATINUM
Michelle, what a great poem! It underscores a lesson that so many of our elders told us – that a good relationship is much deeper than those first romantic sparks. Thank you for sharing it.
Karl
Julia,
Your grandmother sounds like a very special woman and her lesson is a great one. Throughout the project, I had the privilege to talk with several centenarians and found real value in the lessons they shared. I even had the chance to capture one centenarian’s advice on video. You can see it here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuRJa0DHgYU&list=UUWdHURwIn4oBk3RXPSfFZfQ&feature=plcp
Thank you for sharing,
Karl
What wonderful advice, Carolyn! Since I embarked on this project, I’ve always appreciated how the elders I met could sum up important advice for living in a few pithy sentences.
I am in my late twenties, but I can fully relate to the whole top 10 list of advice. As an infant, I survived cancer and learned about it mostly through my parents. Perhaps the sense that I escaped death at a young age has given me an early appreciation for getting the most out of life. In addition to the advice from the elders, I would add the importance of patience – exercised with yourself and with others.
Having reached age 57 I wish I would have learned earlier in life the importance of controlling and decreasing negative thoughts. Such thoughts have a tendency to linger, take up space in our minds and then become habits/blueprints to how we approach life on a daily basis. Remaining positive, thinking positive provides more strength and perspective to take life’s joy and sorrow in ways that do not crush our spirit or diminish the potential that surrounds us with every waking moment. I tell my 3 daughters to Live in the Moment, be mindful of negative thoughts and most of all realize that every day is a new day full of endless possibilities.
My grandmother always said “go to bed, you will feel better in the morning”. Whether it was a physical woe such as sickness or soreness, or a mental woe such as a love relationship gone bad, or a problem at work, this seems to work. In bed, I feel safe and can think about things a little more clearly, and in the morning, things look a little birghter and more managable as I get up and get ready to tackle the challenge head on.
Thank you for sharing some of the lessons you’ve learned over the years, and thank you for your dedication to taking care of our elders. I, too, consider myself lucky to be able to gather advice from our elders.
Before you speak, ask yourself:
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
I was taught this when I was in my 20s. At almost-61, I use this every day and would like to pass it along.