Category Archives: How To Be Happy

Mike’s List for Living: 10 Tips for a Happy Life

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We love the elders’ lists of their advice for living – and readers tell us they wind up on refrigerators across the country!

Mike, 72, summed up his principles for a happy and healthy life in 10 succinct points.

1. My father told me always to be honest. If you are honest you never have to remember what you said.

2. Another aphorism is to reach for the stars. You may not get there, but you might reach the moon.

3. You only have one chance to make a first impression. In the first conference meeting with my colleagues I made an astute observation which impressed everyone. After that, no matter how stupid my comments were, I was still viewed as knowledgeable. If it had been the other way, my opinions would be somewhat suspect for a long time.

4. Don’t let little things bother you. Most everything is a little thing.

5. Be cheerful. Nobody likes a sourpuss.  (Nor do they like saccharine sweetness.)

6. Remember Aristotle and search for the golden mean between extremes.

7. Vote. You are partially to blame if the wrong candidate gets elected.

8. Organize your life. It’s much easier to remember where you put things.

9.  Be spiritual. But don’t force your spirituality on others. There are many pathways to truth.

10. Re-evaluate your life periodically. But don’t obsess if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected. Surprises occur all too often.

If Not Now, When? Anita’s Lessons for Living

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Here’s a post for our summer intern, Jackie Santo. Thanks to Jackie for sharing what she learned from Anita, age 67.

 I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Anita about what she believes are the most important obligations that we, as people, owe ourselves and that we owe others throughout the course of our lives.

Anita maintains that we have an obligation to enjoy life, to make the most out of it, and to savor it. Below, Anita mentions the some of the most important pieces of insight that she wished she knew at age 20:

To be true to oneself. To try and know who you are. To appreciate who you are. And to try and live with integrity in all that you do and how you live

It’s important to know how to savor what you have, to not take things for granted and to help inculcate in yourself a sense of gratitude for what you have and not focus on the things that are absent from your life.

Live life to its fullest, you know? “If not now, when?” has become very much my motto. My companion and I have done a lot of travel, and every time I suggest a new place to visit he’s sort of like “are you kidding?”, and I always say “If not now, When?” so I am very fortunate to be in a position where at this point in my life I can do, sort of, whatever I want to do, and I’m doing it.

Aging is coupled with certain risks and resiliencies. Although many people encounter illness and mental deterioration as they get older, they also gather wisdom and life lessons. Anita asserts the familial, societal, and generational obligations that we owe each other to aid the ill and pass wisdom on to the young:

My father used to say that if you can do a good turn for someone else, why wouldn’t you do it? And I think that that’s been a perspective that I have had, as well about caring about other people. My work certainly has been infused with the notion that we have a social contract, that we have obligations not only to those who are closest to us but to the society to which we live.

I have, as someone once described, a heightened sense of justice and I feel very much that we have an obligation to speak out and to stand up and to struggle to make change. I think we have a generational obligation. I certainly recognize it in terms of being a parent to my child, but I certainly also felt it very much in terms of being a child to my parent, and I guess a lot of my work in the aging field has come from that perspective – that we have an obligation to those who came before us.

Excellent life wisdom we all can use!

Some Wise Advice – From Some Wise Elders!

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At the Legacy Project, we always welcome you to share your lessons for living (or lessons learned from an elder) on our “Share Your Lessons” page. You can also find lots more practical advice from America’s elders in our book 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans.

Some wonderful elders from the Watermark Retirement Communities took us up on our offer, and provided some terrific lessons for living that all of us can use. Enjoy!

Edith:

“Throughout my life I have stayed active in sports and other physical activities. Now that I’m 96 years old, I make sure to walk as much as I can. It keeps the body moving, the blood flowing and I always feel better after a walk.”

Virgil:

“I keep my mind and body active by helping others in doing crafts such as bead stringing and jewelry making. I have always believed that when I die it won’t matter how much money I have or how large of a home. What will matter is how many people I have helped as I’ve traveled that road of life.”

Gilbert:

“The first election I voted in was the third re-election of Franklin D. Roosevelt vs. Wendell Wilke in 1940 and I’ve voted in every election since then. That makes 18 elections and 12 presidents. Voting is our right and our obligation according to the Consitution of the United States of America. We should avail ourselves of this right each voting period.”

Ed:

“A father is one who loves his children and their mother in all circumstances. He disciplines with love and not anger. He spends time with his children and shows them by example how to make good choices. He is always there to open his heart to their concerns and he is present in their lives until the end, when it can be put on his headstone with pride ‘He Was My Father.’”

Aaron and Muriel (married 70 years):

“Two words of advice for lasting love: ‘Yes, dear.’

 

The Most Important Lesson? Pearls of Wisdom to Ponder

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In the Legacy Project, we asked over 1200 Americans the question: “As you look back over your life, what are the most important lessons you have learned that you would like to pass on to younger people?”

Sometimes the respondents went on at great length about a lesson. But other times they came out with a straightforward principle for living. Some of these “pearls of elder wisdom” took my breath away and stayed with me. Here are a few of the “short but sweet” lessons we heard from the elders.

Remember that life is short.   When you’re tired sleep.  When you’re hungry eat.  Better yet — eat, drink and be merry.  And do good things for others along the way.  It makes everybody feel better.

Believe passionately in something. And I’m not sure that it matters too much what it is. But I think it’s very important to feel commitment, and to get energy and sustenance from that commitment. It could be religious, it might be environmental. It really could be anything. I think having passion and being willing to express it is important.

Learn to live in the moment. I certainly feel that in my own life I have been too future oriented, and it’s a natural inclination, of course you think about the future, and I’m not suggesting that that’s bad. But boy, is there a lot to be gained from just being able to be in the moment and be able to appreciate what’s going on around you right now this very second. And I’ve more recently gotten better at that and appreciate it. It brings peace. It helps you find a place. It’s calming in a world that is not very peaceful.

I think not putting off too long to do something, there certainly are things to do at certain times in your life that you can’t do at others.  There are no wheelchair ramps to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, so, if you want to get down there, you still have to go when you’ve got two little feet.

 The biggest lesson I have learned is that when I was younger I paid much too much attention to what everybody else thought.  That I didn’t always do what I thought was best.  I often did what everybody else thought I should be doing.  And every time I stood my ground and did what I thought I ought to be doing, I did better

 When there’s a ‘problem,’ it’s more helpful to assume it’s yours than someone else’s. Yours you can fix. Someone else’s you can’t.

What about your lessons? If you’re an elder and want to share your wisdom, or a young person who has learned something from an elder, please post it on our “Share Your Lessons” page!

Back from Italy! Which Reminds Me of Maria

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I’ve just come back from two weeks in Italy (yes, it’s a hard job, but someone has to do it). While there, I noticed something that one doesn’t often see in the United States.

 In all the little villages, there is the custom of the passeggiata. In the early evening, after the heat of the day, whole families take a gentle stroll, usually winding up in the central piazza of the town. What you see are entire families: small children on bicycles or kicking soccer balls, parents, and grandparents. As you watch the nonni (most often the nonna, or grandmother) keeping a watchful eye on the grandchildren, there’s a feeling of real integration into family life.

Spending time in Italy made me think of one of our Legacy Project elders, Maria. Like many Italians of her generation, Maria immigrated to this country, experiencing a mix of opportunity, hardship, and resilience. Maria has been married for 57 years. It would be hard to find a happier 83-year old, despite what many would consider a hard life.

Maria shared her lessons for living:

I didn’t have opportunity to go to college but we did have a school, and we had to go miles away from home even for that. And sure, it’s very important to get a good education. But now young people expect too much and too soon. We didn’t have what we have today; we didn’t have computers, we didn’t have TV. So today they’re lucky, they can learn a lot. But I feel that they don’t enjoy life, they look for something they cannot find. So they go with the bottle, they go with drugs and all that.

My life has been hard at times. I went through so much that I can’t even explain. The decision to come to this country was the best one at that time, because we had to go someplace, but we lost everything, it was very hard to leave your own country. I left my hometown at sixteen with my father and my brother. What I learned there was how to grow up fast and take care of my brother who was little, be a mother for him. I worked hard, I will suggest to everybody that if they want something, work hard and they’re going to get it.

I wasn’t spoiled, I was happy with nothing, and that made me work hard to get a little bit more. Take life the way it comes, easy. Try not to think about tomorrow too much, you know? Enjoy today because you don’t know when it’s tomorrow, if you’re going to be here tomorrow.

I enjoy every minute! I love my husband; every time he goes out, I never let him go without a kiss because you always wonder if something can happen. Never fall asleep without saying goodnight to the husband, never. And don’t be mad, that’s what I learned in my life, don’t be mad at other people. Enjoy things now, and stop worrying.

A Lesson from a 105-Year-Old! Another Contest Winner

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Julia Spunt is our second winner in our contest for young people who answered the question: What’s one thing you have learned from an elder in your life?”

My beloved and inspirational Grandmother, Eula Mae Coburn, passed away on 1/1/11, at the amazing age of 105 years old. For the past five years, since she turned 100, I often heard people ask her for her advice on how to live a satisfying life to such an old age.

The advice I most often heard her give to people was “Be happy with what you’ve got!” She grew up quite poor, and worked hard during her life, and she was married to the love of her life for sixty years before he died over twenty years ago. She had three children, two of whom she outlived, and she was grateful for every blessing she had, and never complained about anything!

She thought it was “such a shame” that people today seem to always be wanting more and searching for happiness, instead of enjoying the moments and “being happy with what they got!” I think of her often, and am trying to heed her wisdom and pass it on to my own children.

And the Winner is – Keep Playing!

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Sandra Wilson is the grand prize winning elder in the Legacy Project contest, an elder offering a piece of advice to the younger generation! She offered a valuable lesson on keeping a sense of play throughout your life.

Part of living is learning to accept and understand that things change. Someone once said that “If you do what you always did, then you will get what you always got.” So, if you want things to happen differently then it may take changing conceptions and life styles.

However, there are certain human needs that are constant. One of them is the concept of “play.” We learn to play without realizing that there may be difficulties that need to faced in times that lay ahead and it is going to be all lright. As children we can easily write down about 10 activities that we love to do and can often remember the last time that we participated. We enjoyed being with friends, roller skating, sledding, playing games with family, jumping rope, etc.  It is interesting that when adults are asked, they tend to have difficulty in listing 10 things that they love to do, much less when they last did the fun activity.

Play is an essential. Many times marriages end because couple tend to stop playing. Friendships end because folks get sidetracked with responsibilities and lose touch. Family life becomes mundane when the parents and children omit family chat around the dinner table that leads to listening and laughing. Their time to play as a family can define their love for one another and add to positive memories. Having fun through play remains with us from birth to death.

Stay tuned – we’re about to start announcing the winners of our contest for young people, who contributed a lesson they have learned from an elder.

Spend More Time in the Slow Lane – Our Next Contest Winner

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Wonderful advice from Dick, and elder who shares his advice for younger people. Dick is the second runner-up in our contest that sought both advice from elders and young people’s reports of lessons they learned from older people in their lives (winners coming soon!)

Spend more time in the slow lane. Everything looks better and the rewards are greater. You get a much better perspective and a sense of accomplishment in enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. Savor the journey; there is a greater likelihood the pathway will provide the rewards that may elude you at the end.

You don’t have to do something special every day, but there are a myriad of ways that you can make everyday special.

Embrace intimacy. Don’t be afraid to let those close to you know how you feel and what makes the relationship work. Learn the difference between sex and true intimacy. Most people are capable of sex, but fewer make the effort to enjoy a deep sense of connection.

Don’t be afraid to make lifestyle changes that enhance your quality of life. Listen to your body and make changes that can increase your chances of being dealt a winning hand. There are no guarantees in life; do everything in your power to stack the deck in your favor.

Going, Going, But Not Yet Gone: The Greatest Generation

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I recently had a stunning realization: We’re about to lose one of the most precious resources in America. I’m not talking about oil, gas or rare metals. What we’re about to lose Is the living presence of the elders who make up the Greatest Generation.

This amazing group survived World War II and the Great Depression, but unfortunately even they can’t hold back the passage of time. And our world will change when they are no longer with us.

This inescapable reality hit me when I saw this chart.

A little over a decade ago, there were around six million living WW II veterans; by the end of this decade (with a few hardy exceptions) they will all be gone. Sooner than we think, this unique, inspiring generation will be no more.

Having spent the past six years gathering the practical advice for living of older people(who in my book 30 Lessons for Living I call “the wisest Americans”), I know that we’re not just losing individuals; we’re losing a way of living and of seeing the world.

When the Greatest Generation is gone, what will we miss? Here are just a few examples:

Their Unique Historical Experiences

Why is this generation so special? Part of it is what they’ve been through that most of my peers (the Boomers) haven’t. To a much greater degree than most Americans alive today, they had experiences that pushed them to their ultimate limits: a world at war, an economic downturn that makes ours look mild by comparison, immigration, upheaval, poverty, and deprivation. They also remember a time when communities were stable and closer, when air and water were cleaner, and when people didn’t lock their doors.

It’s these experiences that make their advice on how to overcome adversity so meaningful. Monty in this video from our Legacy Project is a great example.

Their Work Ethic

America’s elders grew up working. And working hard. And if there weren’t any good jobs available, they took whatever was available and worked hard at it.

Manny, 78, talks about how he got through school:

My first job? Delivery boy. Seventeen bucks a week, that was big money back then. Then I became a tool and die maker’s apprentice in a machine shop on Saturdays. Then I had a friend, her father was a shop steward in a commercial bakery, so I got a big increase. I joined the bakery as a truck driver. That was a dollar fifty an hour. I did that on the weekends, on Saturdays and summers. I had to. I had no money. I used to walk home because I couldn’t afford the subway.

Lifetimes of hard work have given the oldest Americans a unique sense of what makes employment happy or miserable. They are experts on how to be persistent when it seems like rewarding work can’t be found, and they know how to take a bad job and make the most of it.

They Know You Can Live Well With Less

Growing up in the Great Depression taught our elders the intense enjoyment that lies in small pleasures. Our needs and desires have become bloated to an extent that it takes an enormous amount to please contemporary Americans. But many of the oldest Americans grew up learning the lesson: Savor the small stuff.

Listen to Larry, age 89.

Let me tell you, in the 1930s we had the Depression. If you think you got a Depression today, it’s nothing like it was then. People didn’t even have enough to eat back then. A lot of the dads in the neighborhood weren’t working. And we shared simple things because people didn’t have money. We’d maybe get a nickel once in a while. We were half a block from a wonderful park, they had lots of activities there for kids, and wading pools, and we had a huge skating pond down there. And they’d have band concerts down there in the summer the whole neighborhood would go down there.There were popcorn wagons parked all around there. We kids would have a nickel and we’d sit there for several minutes trying to decide “What I should I have?” And these poor guys, they’re trying to wait on you, they’re patient waiting for you to decide: Do you want popcorn or do you want ice cream? You want a Holloway sucker or what do you want? And once in a while at the movies, they would have Saturday matinees for kids, for ten cents. And after the movie if we had another nickel we’d stop at a place that had ice cream and popcorn and we’d get that. And boy, we really had a Saturday afternoon.

 “And boy, we really had a Saturday afternoon.” After listening to Larry, I had difficulty getting that phrase out of my mind. I have watched kids come back from the mall or a movie at the mega-plex, revved up on candy at $10 a box. And I don’t think I ever heard one of them sigh contentedly: “Boy, we really had a Saturday afternoon.”

We should all become aware of just how precious a resource are the remaining members of the Greatest Generation – how rapidly they being depleted. The world will go on – our elders would be the first to assure us of that – but forgive me if I think it will be a less interesting without this remarkable cohort.

Any thoughts on how we can celebrate the Greatest Generation in their few remaining years?

Finding a Purpose: Can You Help One of Our Readers?

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Dear Legacy Project Blog Readers:

Cathy commented on this post (see below) asking for advice. In the past, you all have had some great advice for people like Cathy. Do you have any suggestions for her? If so, please comment!

I’ve been talking to friends of ours whose children are applying to college (thankfully, ours are done with that!). It got me to thinking about one powerful message of the elders to young people: Take time to find your life’s purpose.

Many of the Legacy Project elders told me something along the lines of: “Find what you love and do it!” What’s interesting is that people said this from all walks of life and all professions: Look for your purpose and your passion, or you miss out on a lot of what life has to offer.

Gary, 74, trained in engineering and spent his career as an executive in the railroad industry. Gary’s calm demeanor and self-effacing, folksy comments  reminded me a bit of Jimmy Stewart. He’s someone whose goal was to “do his best,” and he looks back on his life with dry humor.

His main advice (indeed, it was his primary life lesson) is to take the time to identify your life’s purpose.

One problem is you go through life and you don’t tend to think very much about these kinds of things. You go along, the dishes need to be done, the groceries need to be bought, you have to get off to work. So insight number one is that there’s more to life than getting the chores done every day. You should draw back from the hurly-burly of daily living and spend a little time thinking about: What’s my philosophy of  life?; Why am I here? What am I doing? Does it make any sense to be doing this? Those kinds of questions.

We need to take the time, perhaps even a little time every day, to reflect on our lives. I don’t know if we do as much as we should, so I think that might be rule number one. Even when you’re in high school. High school a good place to start, that’s where you begin discovering who you are. You should  start laying the groundwork  to develop a philosophy early in life. And throughout life, take a little time to determine what the purpose is to what you are doing. You can view your life as a kind of continuum, one you can direct more if you know the purpose behind it.

This can begin in school. When you’re in school you have a once in a lifetime chance  to learn something. And go for it. You can go for for it to shape your philosophy. If I were to go back and tell those kids in the class I would tell them to  get into whatever you’re doing now as intensely as you can. I think you need to spend some time reading history to this so you can  understand what life was like 2000 years ago versus today.

The end result of this reflection, Gary says, is to discover your underlying passion.

My first thought would be; ‘Is there something in life you have a passion for?’  And if it’s possible, can you start your career in whatever that field is? It could be butterfly collecting, anything. There are people that live very good lives in butterflies and collecting. It doesn’t matter what it is. so I think if you have a chance and you have a passion, follow it. A lot of people don’t have a passion, but if you do, see if you can somehow incorporate that into your career. And it could lead you interesting things and if that’s the case then take advantage of it.

It’s a balance. You need to be careful of what you do, to plan ahead, and so forth. But if you do too much of that you’re going to become stunted.You need some kind of middle ground. And it depends on the individual. If your passion in life is climbing mountains then go climb mountains because that is a talent that you have, a desire, and if you don’t do it, if you consciously give it up because something bad might happen, you’re going have a lot of regrets of missing your dream. But of course, check your gear before you go!