From their many years of experience raising children, elders in the Legacy Project recommend that parents be as united as possible about their philosophy for child-rearing. It’s the consistency between the two parents that’s important.

Boyd, 76:

Well, I can’t say we didn’t make any mistakes. But I think it’s just important to be consistent. It’s actually difficult to coordinate consistency with your marriage partner sometimes. So I would try to be as consistent as possible between you. And you can be a restraining influence on one another. When she would get really mad at them I would try to be somewhat of a restraining influence, and she would do the same for me.

Reiko, 82

My parents fought about how they raised us. So we made this pact when we got married, that we wouldn’t do this. That if we didn’t agree, then we would just stop and come back to it another time. And if I was reprimanding the children, he would not interfere; and if he was doing it, I would not interfere. And we stuck to that. And so the kids couldn’t take sides, and that was pretty successful.

Shirleen, 71

If there’s just one generalized advice, I would give, it is for the husband and wife to get on the same page about parenting, so that one is not a permissive parent and the other autocratic. That they’re a united front. They should present a united front and are consistent with the children.