The Legacy Project is devoted to collecting and sharing elder wisdom, and we’d love to hear from you. Please share your lesson in 100-200 words in the comment box below. Feel free to share your own wisdom, or advice that an elder shared with you.
LESSONS for LIVING from the WISEST AMERICANS
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My son, once said to me, “mom, from the moment a person is born, they are dying, and the statement is so true. What some of these young people fail to realize that one does not have to be old to die, God does not discriminate age,he chooses to call his children home, when he wants them home. I at one time worked in a nursing home, as a Certified Nurses Aide and I enjoyed the company of the elderly, as well as the young people, but mostly the elderly. I feel that they are more wiser than a book, that sometimes does not state the truth. If one would just sit down and converse with a elderly person, one would say, I learned something today, not just hisory, but love and compassion, as well as all truth. To watch and hear them laugh, would let me know that they were still young at heart. And when their eyes glisten, they get so excited that someone is really lending a listening ear to what ever the conversation, is that they are seaking about! So to all those young people that think they might not be in a nursing home or worse, think again! Its called RESPECT!
Sincerely
Tara White
Love your site!!! Wise people!
In my 64 yrs, I have learned many lessons as do most people. Like most people I could write a book on my experiences but not here.
Suffice it to say: Cherish everyone in your life while you have them; your parents, siblings, grandparents etc. Also your pets. Love all, be kind, be honorable, thoughtful, a good listener and friend.
Everyone is only here for a very short time…..some shorter than others. Learn all you can, whatever the subject, learn something from every person you meet in life, and best of all: everyday, have a reason to get up, and always try to make someone smile or make their day. Its the smallest things that do it. Have unwavering faith in the Lord God – he will always be there with you and provide for you.
Dear Folks
I have a question not a lesson. I think I am in the middle of learning a lesson and wonder if any of you have wisdom to share.
I am 71, a widower for 12 years, the father of four sons and fond of women. Just before Christmas I received a phone call from my first love with whom I had not been in contact in over 40 years. The ensuing two conversations knocked our socks off, metaphorically speaking. I want us to meet and see what we shall see face to face but there is a catch: she is married and has been for a long time. She describes the marriage as never happy but says she has no intention of leaving. The conventional wisdom found on the internet is for me to high tail it out of there and, when I was younger, I probably would have. But now that I have less time left, I have more patience to wait and see what life or god is trying to tell me. Any thoughts offered kindly would be appreciated.
Dear Mr. Miller:
You asked for wisdom, not a lesson. There is no consensus on the definition of wisdom because it is different from culture to culture. If you mean someone who is wise through the collection of experiences to better inform you in the direction of avoiding immoral and unethical decisions, then there are many people who would volunteer counsel from their perspectives. Ultimately, you must decide because it is your conscience you go to bed with each night. Likewise, it is your new-found experience with God that guides you to live a life that is exemplary to your children and their children.
My counsel to you is to refrain from an intimate relationship with the friend of your youth who is committed in marriage. Telephone calls and emails are close enough for a friendship, but no closer; otherwise, you are cheating yourself, your friend, and the man she promised herself to many years ago.
There are many, many good women who are widowed and seeking the companionship of a good and loving man. There are so many social networks today for finding such women who would be good and kind to you for the years of good living ahead. After all, longevity is stable world-wide and you can expect to live at least an additional 15 years of life because of modern medicine. If you have longevity in your genetics, and you have taken good care of your health, then you can expect more than 15 years of happy living.
I wish you well in your decision, and a long, healthy, and happy life.
Mr. Miller, your friend has made mention she’s married and not leaving the marriage. That’s her choice. But is she contacting you (or you, her) to be more than former friends? If so, not a good idea.
But, life is short for all of us, no matter what age. So you need to decide: is there a reason she has come back into your life? What can you learn or gain from this? Can this be a renewing of friendship or is there a want for more? Either way, its your decision, you have to live with yourself and answer to your God eventually. Pray to him, and you will get your answer. Good luck and God bless!
When I was 50 my husband died. of cancer. 10 years later my youngest son of 32 died,. A few yrs after that, my oldest son 41 died. However,my youngest left me a most precious gift – a granddaughter who soon will be 21. After he died I contacted a wonderful woman who gave me the tools to see the positive things in life. I used to see life through the glass half empty, now it is full! I am grateful for my wonderful granddaughter. I am grateful for having a roof over my head, food on the table and wonderful friends. I am grateful for being in good health and having the means with which to travel. No matter what life throws you, there is always something for which to give thanks and a lesson to be learned from the difficult times in our lives. Live in the moment with no regrets about the past. We all did the best we could with the tools and knowledge we had at the time. Stay connected with community and friends. Because I know what it is like to lose a loved one, I now volunteer in a palliative care residence. It is such an honor to be by the side of a person whose body is leaving this earth. As we get older, perhaps we are not able to do things like we used to but doing whatever we can to the best of our ability and truly LIVING before we die is what counts. (I will be 69 in June – still young!)
Perhaps, more of a question than a learned lesson:
I’m 55, grew up in the years of transition to improved women’s rights. Very little my Dad or Mom taught me as a child what it meant to be a man, husband or father seems relevant. The school yard talk as a kid was very representative of the confusion with the boys commonly saying “No wife of my will ever work” and the girls saying anything a boy can do a girl can do. Seems neither was exactly true. As a Dad that worked from home and took care of the kids, my perspective is that it in only sort of true. My wife did not find fulfillment in the workplace and I was not completely qualified to take care of our 3 kids, all born withing 3 1/2 years.
I think we all lost something in the transition to equality. Perhaps kids most of all. Most of us sat in the middle of the bid debates as the fringe from either side set the course. We didn’t talk about how to make thing work, what the contribution of unpaid work was, the value of community. family, or even considered reducing the workweek to fewer hours. We started having kids later in life. Of all the things my kids know more than my grandparents, very little is of much importance.
This is a tremendous project, but at times I feel like with the passing of my grandparents and parents we have lost something very valuable and important and we don’t even have the knowledge that is was ever there. It’s not that we don’t miss it, we worship consumption, efficiency, business and profit. Shopping won’t fill the void.
I can make my bit work for my kids, but little in life happens within these four walls.
So what did we, as families and a culture lose? What changes can we make to improve?
Ideas?
Peter
I share your sense of loss at valuable heritage that is vanishing but it is possible to bring these things back to life. For example, religion and spirituality which were were fundamental to our ancestors. Like many of my generation (early 70s)I turned my back on all that because I found it hollow and empty. For most of my life, I remained closed to the possibility there was anything there for me but in the past few years I have begun to change and now entertain the thought that god and I might develop a relationship. I think this has happened because I have thrown overboard much of what I was taught about god as a child and simply opened my heart to a loving presence in the universe. As the great American writer\psychologist Robert Coles wrote, “I have no fewer doubts than when I was young but they matter less.” Just one small example that our heritage does not have to disappear. Best wishes. Bob Miller
1. Be honest, responsible, and respectful in all things
2. Treat others as you would have them treat you.
3. Treat others with dignity and respect even when it is most difficult.
4. Don’t blame others.
5. Don’t complain.
6. Don’t yeld.
7. Look at the positive things others do. Not the negative ones.
I was not yet ten years old when Supermarkets began to take hold in my Brooklyn neighborhood. My mother was a long-term customer of the corner grocery store.I remember asking her why she did not shop at the new A&P? She responded ,Joe( the owner) was very good to me during the Depression. He carried me on credit many times.I cannot abandon him in his time of need.She remained with Joe until he closed the business.My mother taught me a very valuable lesson. Allegiance!
I was lucky enough to have met the most wonderful human being during my last year of college (back in 2009, I am now 25). This person was my 78 year old scuba diving instructor (who has completed all 10 dives with us that summer and ranks nationally in rowing competitions.)
Over the years, he has been a friend, a mentor and a role model. We would meet once a week just to catch up, share funny stories, have life talks, have dinner, and sometimes go to Home Goods and walk out with a ridiculous amount of knick knacks for the house just because. It’s my version of Tuesdays with Morrie, if you can picture Morrie to be a 6’2, scruffy, strong but sensitive type. As someone who is at least five decades my senior, it is amazing to see his positivity and naivete to life despite all of what he has endured, including: the loss of his wife and two grown sons, his house having burned down, and having been held at gunpoint in his own home.
What I find remarkable about Doc (the name he goes by) is his ability to wake up in the morning and treat it like it’s a whole new day. To find happiness and joy in the little things like which flavor of ice cream goes best on a waffle cone, buying a life size teddy bear to put on his front porch (everyone who drives by probably thinks he’s completely lost it), and having all sesaons of Two and Half Men on dvd. At 25 years of age, I learn more, from him, on a single day than the following experiences COMBINED: my failed two and a half year relationship with a man whom I almost married, all my four years of college and my first two shitty jobs post college.
Happiness is a choice. It’s a conscious choice you make, daily. It’s hard. It requires some effort but like anything else, you train your mind to look at what’s working and not on what’s not. And I think that’s pretty wise.
Life and everything in it is a gift from the infinite mind;
and the only way that life can go wrong is by the limited finite mind.
10 Tips for a Happy Life:
1) Always be honest; you then won’t need to remember what you said.
2) Pay attention to the task at hand, no matter what is said, you know you’ve done/given due to the work .
3) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
4) Plan ahead. Cook in quantity so there’s always dinner. Start planning early for the holidays.
5) In the course of completing a task, a better/alternate way is sometimes discovered.
6) Make do with what you have or if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
7) Learn the simple way of doing things that way you’re not left in the lurch.
9) Read, read, read. Never stop learning.
10) Be honest and respectful in all things.
Treat others with dignity and respect even when it is most difficult. Honor their wishes. Your heart will then be at peace no matter the outcome.
In Robert Frost’s poem “Out, Out,” a young man dies tragically, and for a moment all those around him are affected by the tragedy of his loss. Yet soon, “…they, since they were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.”
I recently lost my brother, and in the gathering at his funeral the members of our family were, for a time, more closely united with one another and with the deeper wisdoms of life than we had been for quite some time. We felt our kinship, and the transitory nature of life. We considered the legacy of the one lost, and wondered what essence of worth and goodness we ourselves would leave behind. We searched for that worth in a history too often filled with days of mundane business and busyness. And for a brief time we connected with each other, and deeper truths about love, and service to others, and humility, and faith.
But soon we returned to our mundane affairs, our busyness, our separations, our self-absorbed pursuits. My wisdom is this: live a good life today; give and receive selfless love; serve others – so that when you come to a time of reflection you can say: “I have made good choices. I have lived, and loved, and been loved, and served others well.” It will make all the difference.
hello — my father was very inspired about this project and even had his own small article published: http://blog.syracuse.com/opinion/2012/02/believe_in_yourself_set_goals.html.
Be certain of this: happiness is not the result of smiling, or being positive, or winning or having. Happiness comes from embracing life. “YESSSS!!” is the throaty hiss of rapture. Turn towards it like a compass and “no” will always be behind you. Embrace the depth of your sorrow, the challenge of your loss, the strength of your will as it crosses the bridging fear. Embrace the wonder of creative impulses to catch and transform what is discarded. Embrace the power of salvation in walking toward paths and people and places that do not harm, but embrace. Embrace the wonder that is yourself, your history, your eyes and heart as they take in every moment of now.
Whatever it is you want to do, go ahead and do it. Whether it’s learning a new skill, taking a new class, going on an adventure, finding a new love, do it now. There’s no time to waste, and after all, whether you do it or not, you’ll still be just that little bit older tomorrow, next month, next year. Why not be older with verve?
Stop PROCRASTINATING, boy, I wish I had known how important it was to just ‘do it now’ and nowthat I’m an elder (only 66) I know I wasted DO much time putting things off.
Life and everything in it,
is a gift from the infinite mind;
and the only way life could go wrong,
is through the limited finite mind!
I am just turning 71 years old and have acquired much wisdom over time. There are two very important lessions that I I would like to share.
First, Stand back and discover the wonder of your child. Each soul is a distinct entity; it can be old or young and has come with God-given gifts and a mission to grow in their spirit while here. In small native cultures, each child was observed and their natural abilities discovered and encouraged. All of these natural gifts were invauable to the community in some way.
Second, teach your child to question everything. The hand that rocks the cradle can rule the world, the old saying goes. Our world and the way we live is broken in many ways and the children should be encouraged to find new pathways to healthier lifestyles. Lifestyles that will cherish diversity, honor our Earth Mother, the world, and allow for peaceful coexistance of all cultures and lifeforms.
All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the loving connection between two people. There will always be some negative emotions that have not been expressed in the relationship – it is the fear associated with these, usually unconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. The unexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partner because we do not want them to see our negative side in case they reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protective strategy brings about!
It is sad and regrettable that my marriage did not last after raising three great children. But instead of boring friends and hoping for sympathy, find interests you have longed to pursue which are open for you, now that the adult children are on their way.
At age 51, I moved to San Diego, took sailing lessons, tennis, and art lessons, putting them all to use. I got a job for a great company, but when the company closed, I had to change careers at age 63. After classes in Travel, I worked as a Travel Agent and had the opportunity to travel the world for the next 17 years.
Now, at age 88 and living in a retirement community, I am enjoying watercolor painting.
Life has much to offer if you do not let disappointments get you down and feel sorry for yourself. Get out and explore the many opportunities there are for you.
I offered to clean out my cousin’s box of old photos and letters. I discovered one letter from her father, my uncle, written to her at age 20, shortly before he suffered from a massive stroke in his early fifties. In the letter he advised her “to seek and value the advice of older and more experienced people of her own choosing.” She struggled with decisions on transferring colleges, following a boyfriend and participating in 1971 counterculture activities. He continued, “You will be happy when you have accomplished your goals and are successful in what you will be doing. We know you for a long time and nobody changes her basic character after age six, as you well know.” My cousin had lots of spunk as a little girl and now is a very successful business woman, wife and mother. I’m glad she saved this letter and her father who died in 1983 would be very proud of her.
Conscious awareness of the small but significant part I play in the experience called Life grows continuously and profoundly when I am attentive, present, and open. Youth defies this byproduct of aging – as it should. It’s function is to create the problems only we can solve, to discover they’re all common problems – to be loved, to be safe, to be authentically ourselves.
Getting “old” is just a word. From 60 to 75 my mantra was “if you can’t fix it … don’t worry about it”. Now at 77 and aging rapidly my mantra is “not my problem” …. and being able to walk away without any regrets. Family has always been the spark of my life … my children and especially my grandchildren. They are all the JOY of my living. Most importantly … I thank the Universe everyday for all the blessings in my life.
Per article by Maggie Faeli Fard Buffalo News dated 4-17-2012
RE: Karl Pillager’S research
I found your article very interesting. At times I had unnecessary anxiety about the aging factor. Being that I am 76 I always said, “Gee, in four years I will be 80!”
A lot of my friends I worked with have passed away.
. My Mother died at age 48 and my father died at age 58, and one of my sisters died from Alzheimer’S. I have had a lot of setbacks in my life thus far. I had a heart attack at age 58, (the same age my father had one and passed away,) followed by heart surgery, and then a stroke a month later.
I put in 34 years on a major police department and have survived quite a few serious events while working in that capacity. I went back to school at a late age while I was working tor the police department and managed to obtain a degree in Philosophy. I retired from the department in 1995 after my heart surgery. I even wrote a book about my experiences.
Just last year I found out that I had cancer and wrote a poem about my feelings at that time.
I have taken the liberty to enclose it.
The Beast Within
I know that you are in there
But I feel you not
I just now feel the scare
Of you all curled up in your dark spot
You have taken the young and the old
As you eat away inside
As you keep your hold
To take a life you will decide
There is no known cure at this time!
I was lucky you were found in time!
Now you will await the surgeon’s knife
As this is the only answer
To cut away your life
We know the beast name Cancer.
During this time period I went through months of anxiety. I met with a surgeon who was to cut away the cancer on my colon. He performed more tests before the surgery. And then…The remarkable news that my Cancer was now gone.
But listen to me, I find that I am still enjoying life to the fullest.
I joined a gym and work out three times a week. Of course the odd thing was that younger persons held the door for me when I entered or left the gym, leaving me feeling my age…
I took up lessons in bowling and golf by professionals.
I have been to Hawaii, Vegas, New York, and several trips to Disney in Orlando, thereby watching the children enjoy themselves, while on these trips.
In closing, I wish to say that I have a wonderful wife, seven great children, twelve grandchildren and one great grandchild.
So, life goes on and everyone walks to the beat of a different drummer. My walk on this journey is fine, thank you very much!
Sincerely,
Michael Chernetsky
350 E. Hazeltine Ave.
Kenmore, New York 14217
Phone 716-874-0781
E-Mail balihaivil @ aol.com
Thank you Michael! What would life be if we didn’t cause problems to solve? Nothing, I think. Esctacy, bliss, emptiness. My life too has been anything but empty. Full, full, full. It’s such an adventure. For me, I was raised in the ’50′s, I married young, had two children before I was 24, divorced at 30, remarried at 35, helped to raise some more kids, divorced at 47, when I began a long awaited career in the arts, which was stalled by throat cancer, the loss of my voice and then 7 years later lung cancer, which I’m 8 years in remission from. But I found the way to turn a tragedy into a triumph, and use my art and writing to share my life’s lessons. Especially for my 7 year old grandson, who yet has a clue about what he’s in for….and it’s a good thing! Best to you in your journey to eternal bliss….
I forgot how old I was and I fell in love.My life is fuller now then ever before.I am truly blessed with the love of a man who is 86, I am 76.We are true soul mates in sharring our love as well as our days together.Every day is special and we take it and use it.I would not trade this time in my life for anyother time, past or present.
Love the day,
Margo
Wow, what a piece of hope! I’m 68 and have been single since I divorced at 47 from my second husband. Love is everywhere I’ve found, and even if I don’t end up sharing it again, my life is rich with creativity and family. Much happiness to you and your new love….
Too many people today are looking for someone to love them. Stop expecting others to do for you what you can’t do for yourself. Learn to love yourself.
Find the poetry in life. Acknowledge the gift of the five senses and focus on what you see, what you hear, what you smell, what you touch, what you taste.
This morning I looked past the yellow, white and orange spring pansies on the deck to the fox hole dug into the hillside. The four kits poked their heads out daringly as the mother fox stood guard.
I filtered the world’s news to hear of the children romping at the White House scooping their colored hard-boiled eggs down the South Lawn. I listened for the resurgence of a dream as at 46 someone competes in the U.S. Figure Skating Championships.
I smelled the rich Irish cream coffee brewing in the kitchen as my feet touched the chilled wood floor. I wrapped myself in my comfortable fleece bathrobe and bit into the warm, buttered wheat toast.
To see, to hear, to smell, to touch, to taste with clarity and discernment—that is the poetry at each turn.
Age 63
I am 27 years old this year, a Ph.D student. There are many task to do every day. I woul like to say something regarding life. Life is short. We cannot change its length but we can increase its width. We are supposed to do more things for society and family in our finite life.
As a young man I was a rebel without a pause, in constant motion in search of Nirvana, namely eternal bliss and happiness.
My youthful quest took me around the world—twice! I sailed across stormy, windswept oceans, climbed mountains, dove under the sea, crossed deserts, rafted rivers, jumped out of airplanes (with a parachute, of course). And after all was said and done I always ended up with that same old hollow feeling of disappointment and self-reproach at not discovering eternal bliss.
One day, as a more mature adult, I awoke to a startling revelation. Nirvana doesn’t exist. Instead my life, if I so choose to believe, is a rich tapestry made up of spontaneous moments of joy, or what I’ve come to call SMOJs, pronounced smah-gez. And they exist all around me.
A SMOJ for me is as simple as fetching my newspaper from the bottom of the driveway every morning while taking in my first deep breaths of fresh air. Or wrapping my fingers around that first cup of hot coffee while reading the news. Or kissing my wife good-bye when she leaves for work.
And so it goes throughout the course of my day. The trick is that it’s my responsibility to identify and appreciate these disparate and isolated moments for the true joy they bring.
Of course there are times when I lose my focus, and unwittingly allow the blues or anger or frustration to get the best of me. But the beauty of this homespun SMOJ philosophy is that it more often that not allows me to focus on the positive rather than the negative things that are going on in my life. It helps center me.
I believe as a result of my focus on SMOJ’s I’ve become a better, more tolerant and appreciative person.
I dislike the word “retirement” — as used in our society it means to be non-productive, to be on the fringe. I have moved through several “careers” in my life and am now in
the phase of sharing some of my passions. I teach Tai Chi at a yoga studio, film appreciation in the continuing ed program at William and Mary, and am chair of the Program Committee at our synagogue. Last summer I spent 3 weeks touring parts of Italy (for the first time), 2 weeks on my own and the last week with my 19-year-old granddaughter. Oh, I celebrated my 81st birthday last December.
Got to run — I have a lunch date with a friend.
my cousin had 5 E’s on his 10th grade report card . his mom asked me to help. but I was in maryland and he was in michigan. We set up yahoo messenger account.We could see and hear each other .three times a week we spent 1-2 hours on lessons. there was a board we both could write on, helpful with math problems, and the cam could focus on pages of the homework. we continued thru 10th and 11th grades. the 12 th grade he was on his own and graduated.
same program could be use by retired and schoolchildren.
BENEFITS : the senior can spent one hour with students without having to dressup ,drive to a location, use gas, and without consdering the weather. all the time senior could give, would be instructing the students. There would be no unacceptable physical contact between grownups and children.
Be good. Do good. Have fun. That order.
My father died a couple of years ago at age 92. He was truly a member of “The Greatest Generation”. At his service , I read the following list of life lessons my brother, sister and I learned from Pop:
+EXERCISE EVERY DAY
+DON’T WASTE MONEY, OR ANYTHING ELSE
+BE KIND TO CHILDREN AND ANIMALS
+KEEP YOUR SHOES SHINED
+WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG, FIX IT, LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON
+FEED THE TROOPS FIRST
+ALWAYS ORDER THE NEXT TO CHEAPEST THING ON THE MENU
+KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT
+RESPECT YOUR MOTHER
+GENTLEMEN DON’T SWEAR IN FRONT OF LADIES
+LEAD BY EXAMPLE
+WORK HARD – AND OFTEN
+TAKE VACATIONS, BUT DON’T TRAVEL FIRST CLASS
+ALWAYS HAVE MORE THAN ONE IRON IN THE FIRE
+ONLY BUY WHAT YOU CAN PAY FOR
+DON’T PROCRASTINATE
+USE PRONOUNS CORRECTLY
+TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
+NEVER ARGUE WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS
+IF YOU SAY IT, DO IT
+DISCIPLINE IS A POSITIVE ACTION, NOT A NEGATIVE REACTION
+IF HE SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM, IT WAS
+NEVER THROW AWAY A PAINT CAN IF THERE IS AT LEAST AN INCH OF PAINT LEFT
+ONLY BIG DOGS COUNT – IRISH WOFLHOUNDS ARE THE BEST
+HONESTY IS NOT THE BEST POLICY – IT IS THE ONLY POLICY
+SAY “THANK YOU” FOR ALL THINGS, GREAT AND SMALL
+ALWAYS LABEL YOUR PHOTOS
+NO ONE HATES WAR MORE THAN THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN IN ONE
+STAND UP STRAIGHT
+LIVE WITH DIGNITY AND HONOR
+VOLUNTEER
+ GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY
SARA TEMPLETON POWELL 11-6-2010
First, appreciate that which you have. Take advantage of opportunities to laugh and sing. Stay active socially and physically. Decide to be happy. Finally, as stated in the 1947 song “Nature Boy”, Remember, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
When a Philadelphia sports team wins a championship, be sure to cherish the moment. This truly can be a once in a lifetime event!
Believe me: I feel the same way about a Buffalo team!
I read the “Honor your vows” lesson of “Eugene Earnhart” as abstracted in The Week and disagree strongly with his conclusion that “Faithfulness is one of the most improtent things that people should cling to.”
Pity poor Eugene. He lives to regret what were probably some of the most exciting moments of his life. He denies his own humanity [sexuality] and espouses a standard thrust upon him by others [parents, church?].
Eugene misses the point: it is not faithfulness that matters, it is honesty. If Eugene had had the courage to be honest to his wife about his infidelities, he might have discovered that she shared the same trait [if only she too were honest enough to tell him]. And if they had done that, they may have discovered a new excitement in their own mutual sex life. He may have come to understand that his wife, like himself, enjoyed sex and was more than just a dutiful, faithful, stay-at-home.
I will be 84 years this month, and am proud of it. I have 8 daughters and one son, 17 grandchildren. I lived in Asia for 10 years altogether when my husband worked for the CIA. However since he spent years in Vietnam, I was raising the children alone.
He died of cancer in 1980, and I moved from Annapolis to Sullivan Co., NY, a total leap into the blue, with two youngest. Five daughters were living in Manhattan then. I basically live alone, but am active in community. For 26 years secretary to our Civic Assn., which has accomplished an amazing amount, all volunteer. For 22 years I have been facilitating 3-day workshops for Alternative to Violence Project in 3 NY State prisons, a real blessing in my old age, also volunteer. I cross country ski, canoe on Delaware River, have vegetable garden, plus more. Was a trail maintainer for 20 years. I am a practicing , but critical, Catholic, feel life is to enjoy, but have a great responsibility to care for others. I could go at great length about my experience going into prison, and AVP needs volunteers! At this point in my life, I am slowing down and plan to move back to Md., where 4 of my children are, none are up here. I would welcome response.
I have been a widow for almost 10 years now and it was hard to go own after the death of your soul mate. Very hard to talk to your friends and they always say I’m sorry about your husband why don’t everyone try to cheer them up and do thing together that don’t remind her of her husband and maybe she can go on with her life. It is so hard to change your life not to include your loved one. You know laughter is good for you. a smile from a friend a funny joke any thing that you think will cheer them up. I have tried this on a friend who recently lost his wife and my good friend and it works. seriously yall
I read a news article about 10[?] suggestions gleaned from your project and found myself in complete agreement. Elaine [BSN, Cornell Nursing, '53; BA, Biol. and English '70 and MA, English '73, Bemidji State Univ.] and I met at Cornell when she was a freshman coed [two non-pc terms now] in Fall ’48, and had celebrated 58 years when she died during Christmas break, 2010.
Is there a way I can send two articles about us that I published in my monthly column in our daily, The Bemidji Pioneer?
“How to Realize Your Dreams with the One You Love.” That was the short essay I wrote after my husband, Jack, and I took off on an adventure in 1988 to buy a barge in France and convert it to a charter barge for 4 passengers. It was stressful, to say the least, with renovating the barge, learning to maneuver a 90 foot vessel, adapting to a foreign culture and language and being cheerful and capable for our guests. It was also a blissful time of learning to work together in a practical yet loving way. We learned lessons that serve us to this day. 1. Be respectful of the other even if we don’t agree. 2. Don’t take emotional outbursts personally. 3. Always listen to the other’s point of view. 3. Have fun and enjoy the journey. 4. Stay focused on the goal. 5. Celebrate the highs and share the lows. I could go on and on. Thanks for the opportunity to remember this after all these years.
Regarding your Ask Amy letter on the five tips for a long and happy marriage, the one on “forget about changing someone after marriage” suggests one that is as important as the others: “Know how to change yourself.” In my own case, I undertook a long slow process of introspection in order to get a handle on my faults, of which I had many; and then to modify my personality so as to eliminate these faults. With the help of my wife, who, at my request, pointed out examples of my negative behavior, I have been successful at accomplishing significant improvements; although I am still a work in progress. My wife, on the other hand, had her own faults, that, unfortunately, she brought into our marriage. My pleadings notwithstanding, she stubbornly refuses to do anything; I have given up trying. The result has been a corrosive effect on our marriage, so that it is all but destroyed. What is required for a marriage to thrive is for each partner to be not only committed, as you point out, but to be dedicated and to do the necessary hard work that it sometimes takes.
I heard Dr. Karl Pillemer on Coast to Coast am and I have to say that i’ve learnt a lot from some elders. I’m a young lady at 18 years of age and i’m one that doesn’t get along with people my age but on a regular basis I go out to different places like pubs and so on with the same older men all the time, and whom are around the age of 58. I think they are facinating to hear talk and i’ve noticed that they seem to be a lot more negative. The older men that i’ve talked to, all seem to be more close minded but they know how to have a fun time as well with their peers and so on. But I find it strange that the only people I can get along with are men in their 50′s plus and i’ve learnt a great amount from being around them and that when your young you have an unlimited amount of opportunity as long as you work hard at something.
I am 61 years old. I have seven brothers and we all had a sister, of course we all had the same sister. I am a middle child so some of my brothers are in their late 70′s. Of all of us my sister is the only one to to have passed away. She died of leukemia when she was 50 yrs old. My parents were still alive but it was then that I saw what true courage was.
Recently I read that people who lose their spouses are called widow or widowers. People who lose their parents are called orphans. But their is no word for parents who lose a child because there is no way to express it.
My Dad lived to be 82 and my Mom passed away a few years ago at 95 yrs old. My lesson is a quote from her that I dearly love, “You can complain or you can have friends but you can’t do both”. She was a great example of that in the face of lots of heartache and trial.
My most cherished memory is the train ride from South Dakota to Wisconsin when I was 4.
My most important value from my parents was honesty.
My greatest achievement is taking is taking care of foster children-32 in 10 years
My best lesson is to trust people and forgive.
A tradition was to get together with family.
I want to be rembered as a good caring person, a loving wife, and mother.
At some point in Life, we all realize that we have more living behind us than in front of us, but so what? We still have today and tomorrow. Let’s not waste them. There’s still time to fulfill some of the “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” dreams and goals of our lives. We should not let them just hang around our necks like albatrosses. Let’s take another gander at them and work on some of them a little, remembering that whatever we do doesn’t have to be perfect…it just has to be. I bet you can think of something right now you could put the finishing touches on. Mine is a story. What’s yours?
As a mother my advice for my children and the younger generation is simple. Never leave for tomorrow what you can do today. Never hesitate to tell the people you love that you love them and why they are important to you. Remember this quote (sent to me by younger son and posted on my refrigerator door) and from the movie “Strictly Ballroom”: “A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.”
As Abraham Lincoln said, “I think most people are about as happy as they decide to be”, and I decided a long time ago that being happy and content beat the hell out of the alternative. ACCEPTANCE is the name of the game. The Buddhists (I am one) preach “being here, now” and it is the best advice. GRATEFUL is the other feeling that is crucial to well being. I have been through the ups and downs of life and remain glad to be alive.
My mother is 88 years young. She has the best attitude and is constantly happy. I don’t know how she does it! I think she should be interviewed for your project. I just heard about it on WGN radio driving home from work. I think that this is a wonderful idea. Despite the fact that she took care of my ailing father for several years, has lost a relationship with a son, she never ceases to seek out others and seems to love all people. I wish I could be more like her.
Approach to life’s moments of great tragedy:
My sister lost her son in a tragic accident. Those who loose children or suffer some similar tragedy, speak a ‘language’ that is unique to them. After years on the road after her son’s death she said: “For years I have searched for happiness, now i search for peace”.
Happiness, she would explain, was for her a fleeting guest, whereas ‘peace’ was more stable and more helpful companion.
Beneath the surface of so many lives their is a restlessness that is too often ignored. Daily live, throws very frequently, in our face the ‘unpleasantries’ of life. Peace, indeed is a great gift but has to be fought for!
My dear grandmother, who lived to the age of 93 was a major influence in my life.
She was incredibly giving and loving and had the unique capacity to love with her whole heart each and every family member, equally and unconditionally. She made each member of the family feel so very special, admiring and praising our strengths and accomplishments, rather than focusing on our weaknesses. She taught us by example, about being thoughtful, accepting, and giving. She was loved and cherished by every grandchild, their spouses and all of her great grandchildren. She taught me by the importance of embracing, accepting and loving each new member of the family ( in-laws included). So often family unhappiness and rifts are created by parents and in-laws not loving and respecting their children’s choices of life partners. I am grateful for her wisdom.
To develop and nurture your intimate relationships to me is the core of life’s joys, loving and being loved, and sharing in the smallest delights: the night sky lit by a full moon, a cardinal flying near your bird feeder, a fascinating news story, a beautiful painting,, a delicate movement of a Schubert string quartet.
And then having the opportunity to share this with our children and grandchildren and seeing the river of life continue. Nurturing our family members to strive to work in an area that makes each of them happy is also important to me.
These are the elements that I cherish . And as I age, I try to cherish each day and celebrate each joy, recognizing what is important and ignoring/ minimizing what is not. I am 70 year old and have been in a wonderful, intimate, dedicated marriage for 51 years.
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a major influence in my love “of life is my love of learning…..I have always felt “high’ when I add to my knowledge in whatever category it may be and for most of my 84 years I have never been without participating in a class or group learning, as in a pc club. Or a writer’s group.
I also love my solitude. A very necessary need for my own space.
Educating ones self when catastrophic events happen as they will in most lives and seeking others that have experienced that specific trauma. Not that misery loves company but that there is instant bonding if the experience is an uncommon one.
And the serenity prayer is one of my favorite mantras, I also am naturally a very physical as well as spiritual creature. Life is about more than just survival — it is about finding your bliss, a la Joseph Campbell.
m l cadrecha
Act through your fears as a matter of practice or your life will be circumscribed by them: introduce yourself, apply for jobs, approach the unapproachable, act independently, be silly, attempt everything, start a movement, make incremental progress through the most odious tasks, tell the truth, say ‘no’, say ‘yes’, say ‘I don’t know”, walk the untrodden path, but if it makes sense walk the trench. Look at your choices and say, “what would I do if I was unafraid?” Take steps to minimize certain risk, and then ACT. This is just as important to do when it comes to saying no to sitting on the couch, as it is when it comes to a matter of life or death.
Don’t fixate on past mistakes or happenings. They are past and can’t be changed. Figure out the lesson learned and move on. Always face forward not backwards.
Is it too late for this–just found your site thanks to the NYTimes’ Jane Brody?
Start each day with a thank you, be it through prayer, meditation or simple message to the universe. Smile! it’s hard to be upset when you’re smiling…even if it’s a fake smile, the brain cannot decern between real or fake smiles or laughter…so smile and laugh often. Love…love your family, your pets, your friends and life!
I had the epiphany at ten years old that I was going to die some day. That singular thought has motivated all but two decisions I have made throughout my lifetime. I didn’t go to Japan as a foreign exchange student when I was in college because I was afraid to be away from home for one whole year, and I never went to New Zealand during the filming of “The Lord of the Rings” despite an open invitation from the executive producer, because I didn’t think I could afford it. I deeply regret BOTH of those decisions, so if an opportunity drops in my lap, I’m going take it, because you never know if you will ever have the chance to do it again. I’ve also learned that there are worse things than failing, that each day is a gift, and that you don’t get the chance to do any of it again, so why NOT take chance
To live a full life it is important to get your priorities right. Most important is your relationship with God. If you do not have God’s peace in your life, you are not living fully. Next in importance, is your relationship with your family. If you are not placing your family’s well being before your own selfish interests, you will be missing out on a wonderful family life. Last on the list, is the relationship you have with yourself. You need to be honest and as objective as possible with yourself. Listen to other people’s comments and complaints about you. Don’t just brush them off. These comments are like mirrors reflecting back on you. Think about these reflections and always strive to improve yourself. Keep love in your heart and always carry the willingness to forgive with you no matter what the circumstances are in your life.
1) don’t sweat the small stuff
2) it’s all small stuff
I think elder person always be wise, because they was face many trouble in their life, and they was solve that problem many thing as possible, so they often know how to react the problem in the life, so when I in the trouble, I always like to ask my grandfather for help.
My grandfather was a fisherman, when he is young. He was told me a story about his life, I think his purpose is to teach how important to study and learn in the school.
The story is about his young life, he said: once upon time he was in the elementary school (at my grandfather’s period only few people
Was go to school, because the school is expensive to the most family in china), he wasn’t how lucky he was and how nice is his parent, he just waste his time in playing, few years later he is out the school, since he not go to pay attention, another few years pass he was became a fisherman, cause he knows nothing, also beside him most his classmate was take the nice and easy job, he think he is sinful, cause he not understand his parent. This story was deep mean to me, and I never going to forget it.
SOMETHING IMPORTANT I LEARNED FROM MY ELDRS/PARENTS ?
Something I learned from my elders is to always be my self and to never follow others and to always go for what you wanna do in life for example I wanna be a hair stylist and a actress, and my mom always told me if I wanted to do that I would have to go for not sit around and wait for it to happen because it wont, I took that to the heart and now im going for what I need to be going for, the reason my elders teach me these things is because they don’t want their kids or who ever has a dream to waist it if you got talent go for it. Another thing my mom said is to always be you self to never care what anybody say and to never be a follower, being your self will get you any where you want to go.
My elders I have in my life are good to me and every one they teach me how to be a very confident and smart and neat person, to love those who love me and always to be there for your family and friends give them a shoulder to lean on when they need and to always remember family comes first no mater what
Something Important I Learn From My Elders
Something important and useful I learn from my elders is to be independent and to let things fly by. So as I was growing up my mom would tell me to treat people how you will want to be treated and don’t depend on no boy , and work for what you want and need. My aunt and other family members always tell me to be myself don’t change for nobody and be a leader not a follower, so my older friends be telling me how life going to be when I get up there, and when I get older enough to pay my bills and get kids.
Eat the food your parents ate, and fed you when you were young.
Remember how fit you were as a child? The whole grains, fresh vegetables, pulses and herbs, including spices, are geared towards good health. Example: Turmeric is a natural antibiotic. A pinch of turmeric in hot water with sea salt makes for a great gargle. In the whole business of calorie counting and processed rush hour caffeine laden drinks, alcohol and junk, we’ve forgotten to “go green and go whole”.
I spend half of my time saying “life is short” and the other half saying “life is long!” Short because it flies by and I need to seize the moment to appreciate and enjoy it. Long because there’s still an opprotunity to prove to myself that something isn’t working and change it! Isn’t it just a paradox that life is how we see it, and then what we make of it!
Growing up in India, and now living in the US has given me various perspectives to life. Something that I have learnt from my elders back in India by just reflecting on how they led their lives through tough times is by “making things work”. I always heard my father say ” Hope is not a strategy” and “walking out of marriage/relationship is the easy way out”. I can see this applying to all walks of life and this is something we all know but do we follow it?Do we take the easy way out? My take away from our elders is: Make things work with what you have, as minimal as possible, be it life, money (have you heard about jugaad?), relationships. Life is not as complicated as we make it to be.
“No one’s better than anyone else.” — from my father, who was in WWII in the foxholes and observed the officers were just as afraid as everyone else. It’s mostly about questioning status and position, so my formulation is closer to “Question authority.”
“Nothing is ever absolutely anything.” — from my high-school chemistry teacher. It applies to nature as well as to abstract ideas.
“Stop and smell the flowers.” — from me. When I didn’t have a garden, I’d go out of my way to smell irises in the spring, and I still go out of my way to sniff flowers when they burst into bloom.
“Take your eyes off of the horizon, look within.” — from a song by Meg Christian. A great song! Whether you’re waiting for the millionaore to knock on your door or for the planets to align or for the revolution or for a fairy princess to fall out of the sky, the secret is to look within. “The ship’s not on the horizon, it’s within…it’s a submarine”
“When one door closes, another door opens.” — first heard it phrased this way by someone at an herb conference. Whenever a change is imminent, I see it as an opportunity to explore alternatives. Just as when I take out plants in one part of my garden, I see it as an opportunity to try something else.
A valuable lesson learned from close elders is: “Mind your own business”.
You will be happier, less worried and less disappointed if you focus on how you can be a better person rather than telling someone else how to do things or behave. A person may not find their way if someone is always getting in it!!
(My personal quote).
I’ve been very interested in these questions as I’ve interviewed my 95-year-old mother about her life, hoping to articulate the lessons she’s learned for her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren (and more, I hope!)
One lesson she’s repeated that wasn’t in your list (of 10, anyway) is to do all we can to keep our family relationships together and strong. she’s seen too many families split over some small quibble or greviance that it pains her; she’s gratified that we siblings are still friends, still enjoy doing things together even without her, and hopes that our children’s families can do the same. Invest in relationships, especially the important family ones: they’re far more valuable than ‘things’.
Hello Brent,
That’s a terrific insight. And although I didn’t include it in the list of 10, it is one of the five major lessons in the child-rearing chapter in my book (30 Lessons for Living). I termed this lesson “Avoid the Rift” – some of the unhappiest elders I interviewed had experienced exactly what you describe with a child. That is, a small quibble or fight turns into a life-long split. The elders also give tips for avoiding these kinds of rifts.
So your mother is definitely on the right track with this lesson!
The lesson I have learned was from my last sister’s life. She was born with Down Syndrome and died at the age of 63. She wasn’t suppose to “make it” past the age of 18 but her strength and the love of her family helped her live a longer life. I grew up believing God must be cruel giving us a sister that had the mind of a small child, never able to achieve more in life but after reading how author Sylvia Browne claimed in one of her books that all people born with Down Syndrome was the closest thing we have on earth as angels. As she said, they are so pure, unlike majority of people in this world, so called “normal” people, these angels have no ego, they don’t lie, cheat or steal, they don’t abuse others including animals, they don’t hate anyone for their race or beliefs, they live every day in “the moment” as we all should. All they want is to give and to receive LOVE. That’s it. LOVE. They are our teachers and I wish more people would look at anyone with a disability as a angel sent from God.
I am blessed to have both sets of grandparents, and to have known three great-grandparents, one who is still alive. My great-grandmother is 92, still learning foreign languages, composing music, and baking good cookies that promote family warfare over who gets them. My other great-grandmother who passed this year was a holocaust survivor who had a baby (my grandmother) in a concentration camp. Although I have collected gems of wisdom from both great-grandparents, my favorite impression came from my grandfather Momo. He is 76, survived three heart attacks, four bouts of different cancers, still acts on business ideas, and goes to the farmer’s market every weekend to haggle over vegetables. He has a wonderful outlook on life but he is a busybody, giving advice to everyone, whether it is welcome or not. How he survived hardships, such as making millions of dollars in business and then loosing it all after September 11th, was by “Taking everything one step at a time. If you plan too much, you’ll be upset when your plans don’t go your way. Who knows where you’ll be and how you’ll get there. But if you take it all in baby steps, take things as they come, you will be happier.”
my other great-grandmothers’ advice was along the lines of “don’t eat junk food” and “don’t get involved in anybody else’s business.” both valid points.
I am a Cornellian, class of 1950. There is a video series called “The Wisdom of Elders Across America” started by a filmmaker named Jamie Spooner. I am included in it. Some of the many videos in this series may be found at icarevillage.com. I was a founder of the second wave of the women’s movement and talk about that on one of the videos; in another, I talk about my experiences in being a breast cancer survivor since 1990.
Part of living is learning to accept and understand that things change. As children we learn to play without realizing that there may be difficulties that need to faced in times that lay ahead and it is going to be alright. Someone once said that “If you do what you always did, then you will get what you always got.” So, if you want things to happen differently then it may take changing conceptions and life styles. However, there are certain human needs that are constant. One of them is the concept of “play.” As children we can easily write down about 10 activities that we love to do and can often remember the last time that we participated. We enjoyed being with friends, roller skating, sledding, playing games with family, jumping rope, etc. It is interesting that when adults are asked, they tend to have difficulty in listing 10 things that they love to do, much less when they last did the fun activity. Play is an essential. Many times marriages end because couple tend to stop playing. Friendships end because folks get sidetracked with responsibilities and lose touch. Family life becomes mundane when the parents and children omit family chat around the dinner table that leads to listening and laughing. Their time to play as a family can define their love for one another and add to positive memories. Having fun through plan remains with us from birth to death.
I learned the most valuable lesson from my mother. She’s in her early fifties. She was diagnosed of cancer(last phase) and has been fighting with her cancer for a couple of years. From her, I learned that life is short that we need to live everyday to the best and make sure that we do the important things that are meaning to us. Also, I learn to express my love to her more verbally as I want to make sure that she knows that I care about her and I’m always here to support her.
When I got my first real job, I had more money and less responsibility. That is the time when $200 to $400 a month is the easiest to put away. I have a friend who’s father insisted that he buy property when he got his first job. And, it was paid off by the he was in his thirties.
A few years I realized that as a forty-year old I would love to give my twenty-year old self some advice. I then recognized that I should ask some elders their advice so that I don’t have the same desire to give myself advice at forty when I am an elder. I questioned about ten elders. Every single one said “save your money.”
I have learned that one should listen to and read the books of people who have accomplished much in their lives. This I think is the most important lesson of life I have learned. I am 31.
I asked my 91-year-old father if he had any regrets about his life. His answer: it wasn’t anything that he did that he has regrets about, it’s the things he didn’t do that he regrets. The things he wanted to do, the things he wanted to try, but didn’t. His message to me was that it was OK to take risks and try something new. The only failure is in not trying.
My dad gave me the best advice I have ever received. He said you may go through decades of your life where you think you are not going to make it. These will be times you are suffering, in pain, health problems and maybe bad relationships. You may be convinced your life won’t improve, but it can and it will. My dad’s statement was prophetic. There was a period of fifteen years I didn’t think I would survive. Nearly every problem you can imagine was dumped on me, and I had no one to help me survive them. However, inexplicably things got better. Some of the improvement involved my making some changes and others just happened naturally. Don’t ever give up on life. Life is a beautiful journey. Who are you to say that the most painful thing in your life might not be the most poignant thing at your death. It very well might be! Life is for living and every tree, leaf, person, object is filled with wonder if we would just open our eyes and see. Try to live in the present moment. Focusing on the past or the future is to distort the present moment. So try to just experience every moment in its simplicity and beauty and just wait and see what life has to give you. You will be surprised!
My grandma always tells me that, ” If you have money problems, then you don’t have problems.”
Going on to explain that to fix my money problems, I will in time have the money I need.
Then points out that I should be thankful that I have a healthy, loving family who loves Jesus Christ.
Meaning, to be ill (by disease, hunger etc…), surrounded by unhealthy relationships or to be an unsaved person are true problems.
1. Never take NO for an answer.
2. Live by the rule: It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.
3. Always say PLEASE and THANK YOU.
4. Laughter and a positive, upbeat attitude will get you through anything. Anything.
5. Do what you love doing and share it with others.
6. Everything’s great ’til something goes wrong, so enjoy it all while you can, then sort out the crap later on.
From the first time you have a job and retirement account take the following action for EVERY raise you get. Immediately arrange direct deposit for 20% of the upcoming raise amount into your retirement account. Do this before you get the additional money in your hand to spend. Then NEVER touch your retirement account prior to retirement. Thanks to that advice from my Dad I am comfortably retired and survived the recession.
Push the envelope. Challenge yourself. Never accept “good enough.” Always strive to exceed expectation. Failure is nothing more than a result that can always be improved upon. We are what we believe ourselves to be. “Roosevelt was the greatest president this country every had, and I’m talking about Teddy!” These are the thoughts and words of the great Earnest Poletti, my high school speech and debate teacher, who helped a young, awkward, shy freshman set on a path that has led to a great career and a great life. Mr. Poletti passed away in 2007 in Ripon, California at the age of 92. Mr. Poletti was my mentor well beyond high school, helping me with sage advice through my undergraduate and graduate years and well beyond. Coaching multiple championship teams at Ripon High School from 1937 through 1960 and at Tracy High School from 1961-1978, Mr. Poletti imparted his incredible wisdom and sage advice to scores of us eager to learn. The two most valuable skills I have as a professional manager, writer and professor are the ability to quickly organize my thoughts (extemporaneous and impromptu speech) and the ability to speak in public (debate and Lincoln-Douglass debate). Mr. Poletti coached me to a state title, a forensics scholarship and a life full of passion for learning and the desire to pass that desire on to the next generation. Of all the lessons I learned from this great man, the greatest life lesson to pass on to the next generation is that you must strive to learn as much as possible and then freely share that knowledge with everyone you share this journey through life with. I am 51 years of age this week.
Before you speak, ask yourself:
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
I was taught this when I was in my 20s. At almost-61, I use this every day and would like to pass it along.
My grandmother always said “go to bed, you will feel better in the morning”. Whether it was a physical woe such as sickness or soreness, or a mental woe such as a love relationship gone bad, or a problem at work, this seems to work. In bed, I feel safe and can think about things a little more clearly, and in the morning, things look a little birghter and more managable as I get up and get ready to tackle the challenge head on.
Having reached age 57 I wish I would have learned earlier in life the importance of controlling and decreasing negative thoughts. Such thoughts have a tendency to linger, take up space in our minds and then become habits/blueprints to how we approach life on a daily basis. Remaining positive, thinking positive provides more strength and perspective to take life’s joy and sorrow in ways that do not crush our spirit or diminish the potential that surrounds us with every waking moment. I tell my 3 daughters to Live in the Moment, be mindful of negative thoughts and most of all realize that every day is a new day full of endless possibilities.
I am in my late twenties, but I can fully relate to the whole top 10 list of advice. As an infant, I survived cancer and learned about it mostly through my parents. Perhaps the sense that I escaped death at a young age has given me an early appreciation for getting the most out of life. In addition to the advice from the elders, I would add the importance of patience – exercised with yourself and with others.
I’m 70 years old and the most important message for me in life is from a little booklet that my Wife and Son wrote called “The Platinum Rule”
It goes as follows:
Some live their lives by
the
GOLDEN RULE
“Do unto others as you
would have them do
unto you”
You are called to live by
the Golden Rule
You “Choose”
to live by the
PLATINUM RULE
“Do more for others
than you would have
them do for you”
When you adopt the
PLATINUM RULE
as a way of life, you will
be fulfilled beyond all of
your expectations
What is expected?
DO MORE
What is the minimum?
DO MORE
What is required?
DO MORE
In all your actions,
DO MORE
FAMILY
DO MORE for your family
than you would have
them do for you
FRIENDS
DO MORE for your
friends than you would
have them do for you
NEIGHBORS
DO MORE for your
neighbors
than you would have
them do for you
WORK
DO MORE for the people
you work with
than you would have
them do for you
PEOPLE I ENCOUNTER
DO MORE for the people
that you encounter
than you would have
them do for you
Your life is a journey
only to be fully lived
by doing more for
others than you would
have them do for you.
Make your discovery
today of a truly
fulfilled life by
walking down the
STREETS OF PLATINUM
Teach Our Children History
In about 100 years or so, every single human now living on earth will be dead and a whole new population will take our place! The question is, will our true history be fully preserved if we fail to teach each new generation that follows? It appears that we are loosing segments of it gradually. Is this by design or by neglect?
As a woman approaching the early years of old age, I have learned much and experienced many things. I have lived in total despair with no hope, and I have discovered how to live on the mountaintop, able to experience JOY in all things, despite whatever circumstances I find myself in. The Bible is the Direction Book for life and I would like to submit just one of many verses;
Proverbs 4:25-27
“Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path.
Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.”
For all you young people, acknowledge God in all you do for He determines your life. Your choices matter for eternity. Do what is right and do not try to short-cut through life but be willing to do the work. Be honest and forthright in all you do. Take your eyes off yourself and put them on others and do good. BE THANKFUL for the blessings you have in your life. BE SATISFIED and CONTENT with what you have been given and acknowledge God who is the Giver of all Good Things. Being a follower of Jesus does not insure you againist difficulties and pain in life, but it does guarantee that you will have direction, peace, comfort, guidance and experience His Presense through the deep valleys we all will walk through while we are in the world. He is faithful to come to you when you call His Name, and He will walk with you through every difficultity in life until the day He brings you Home to His House. Living in the sweet spot of Christ is the best place to be and the only thing that can be counted on. To all who might read this post, I pray you will discover the Treasure that you can have in knowing Jesus as your Lord and King…..blessings!
I am seventy one years old and would like to share with the readers what I get from my eighty nine year old mother everytime I call her, {which is mostly each day}. She answers the phone with the most cheerful voice of anyone else I talk to during the day. What that does for me is make me feel positive about my day . My mother is telling me everything is wonderful, even though she is taking care of my 93 year old father, who is a World War 11 Vet, my brothers twenty three year old autistic son, {she has had him since birth}, and she is loosing her eyesight. Answering the phone with a cheerful voice can be a lesson for all of us in a world that revolves around the negative, this is my becon of light.
I am almost 52 and am blessed with 5 generations living. My grandmother is 93 and this morning I am holding my breath waiting to see if she made it through the night in the hospital. Growing up in a military family we moved around the world and she was my only constant and best friend no matter how many miles between us. She encouraged the adventure when I was uncertain about a new place. She encouraged my dreams no matter how small or childish. It was always her face I saw in my heart when I was afraid. When I married she gave this one piece of advice and I’ve held to it…never go to bed angry. Even in their worst of fights, Grandpa put his arm out for her to come to him when they went to bed at night. I lost my Grandpa 32 years ago and am still sad from the loss. I know that the days to come will be the most difficult of my life….but I will never go to bed angry and will try to find comfort in knowing that Grandpa will be there waiting for her with his arms out.
It was during my college years. My mother and I became caretakers for both my grandmother (diagnosed with breast cancer) and grandfather (wheel chair bound from stroke). It was very difficult because we could not find a nurse aid that will speak my grandparents native tongue and having the passion to really care for them. In the end the stress of school and taking care of my grandparents took it’s toll. That year, I failed my internship horribly. My professor came up to me while I was crying and said, ” It is not the end of the world. There will be other opportunities for you.” I was feeling so hopeless because I could not control the world around me. After having some thoughts of what my professor had said to me, I decided to set new goals and continued on with my education. It took me sometime to realize what she fully meant, life will always be difficult and bitter at times but with the right attitude you can learn from the experience and find other ways to achieve your goals. Keeping that in mind, I was able to set new goals and finally earn my college degree while taking care of my grandparents.
John – Middle aged , Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN
Tips on how to be Happy day by day:
Be thankful for everything you have! One word: Attitude!
Joan – 60+ years old, Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN
Tips on raising children:
Don’t let the kids manipulate you by checking with you first and then your spouse. Have a clear line of communication with your spouse to avoid this and have a plan on how to deal with it. Teach your children to be independent and creative thinkers. Teach them not to follow the crowd and be blindly led, even by you as parents!
Peggy – 75 years old, Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN
Tips on raising children:
Teach them to take care of themselves and be self sufficient: clean clothes, hang them up, make their bed. And raise them to listen. An allowance is not necessary for chores, it is being part of the family.
Donna – 84 years old, Johanna Shores Assisted Living, Arden Hills, MN:
Sharing wisdom and life lessons:
One of the most important things in life is to develop a relationship with the Lord and foster that relationship your whole life. Relate with the Lord in everything you do. When you get married be sure to marry someone who shares your same values and beliefs. Ensure your children go to a church where they can learn and enjoy being passionate about their spirituality.
How to be Happy on a day to day basis:
Keep a good attitude in life. Trust in the Lord, let him lead. Have fun, be playful and give people a hard time! Start out each day with a good attitude and bring that to others you run into. And Smile!!
Daryl, 63 years old
Johanna Shores Assisted Living
Arden Hills ,MN
Don’t sweat the little things. Everything in this life always works out the way it was supposed to. Life has this ebb and flow of moments; if you only focus your attention on those small, nagging instances, life goes by without you even knowing where it went. That’s what my elder taught me. Although I have to remind myself of this every day, I know I notice those fleeting moments where everyone else is too preoccupied with the unimportant.
Only a few choices in life are really permanent. You can change careers, go back to school, revisit a previous job. Each opportunity opens new choices, enjoy life’s adventures.
Don’t believe the people who tell you that you “can’t” do something. Some of my greatest pleasures on growing older are accomplishing things that teachers told me I couldn’t do: drawing, painting, playing the violin.
Always keep learning. It energizes your brain.
Stress and supressing my emotional pain sent me to the emergency April 1st 2011 with stomach pains. A hernia had caused a blockage in my stomach. After the emergency surgery, I got fluid in my lungs, pneumonia, and an infection, my heart went down to pumping only 20%, I got ejection fracture and cardio myopathy. To top it all off, the doctors put me in a coma-like state for eighteen days. When I awoke, I learned how the doctors and nurses thought I was not going to make it, and how close I truly came to dying. While I was laying there realizing that at 50 years old I almost died, I decided then I wanted to live a much simpler life. And I thought the greatest thing I could strive for was to love someone and be loved back. With that I would be able to meet any challenge life sent my way, because I would have my partner right there with me, me loving her and she loving me, and nothing else would matter.
My Grand-Grandfather Yip Harburg was a wise man who wrote a lot of song lyrics and poetry. Some of his more famous works include all the songs from the “Wizard of Oz,” as well as the Depression era son “Brother Can You Spare a Dime?” However, there is one lesser known poem that he wrote that I used frequently growing up and looking to find love. It served me well as I dated on and off throughout my years, I still use it to this day. The poem is:
“Oh innocent victims of Cupid,
Remember this terse little verse:
To let a fool kiss you is stupid,
But to let a kiss fool you, is worse.”
This is so true in so many ways!
Michelle, what a great poem! It underscores a lesson that so many of our elders told us – that a good relationship is much deeper than those first romantic sparks. Thank you for sharing it.
Karl
Immediately after graduate school, I had the opportunity to live with my grandparents for a year while I completed an exciting but low-paying internship. Although they lived very simply, they were incredibly happy people — both were in their mid-80s and had been married for 61 years at the time. In late 2006 and early 2007, one of the biggest cable news network headlines was the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter. One morning, I overheard my grandfather shouting to my grandmother “Grandma! GRANDMA! I have something to tell you!” She asked, “What is it, Bob?” He replied, “I’m really sorry…I’m the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.” At that moment, it was apparent to me that their individual and shared sense of humor had played a significant role in the longevity of their marriage and their six decades of happiness. Rarely had they taken themselves or life too seriously. I learned a lot that year during my internship, but the most valuable lesson came from them: cultivating the ability to laugh at ourselves and poke good-natured fun at each other is key to weathering the rough times and building a strong, happy life and relationship.
A great deal of unhappiness comes from people walking around with the idea that they are infallible and unaccountable. Humor, especially self-deprecating humor is the greatest grace.
“Give Back”-
I have learned an amazing life lesson that involves giving of yourself. We all should give back to our communities is some way. This can be a donation of time or resources……if you cannot write a check then volunteer your time, if you don’t have time to donate, give generously to those organizations and causes that you are passionate about…..the gift you will receive is joy.
No matter what ~ learn to love, love something or someone more than yourself.
Love yourself first but love others more. Everything else you do in life will be rooted in this one principle. And you will come to know what it is to serve all life.
Family first. Your opportunity to be of service to the Higher Power you have chosen is through serving your family. When the communication with the family of origin is not great…you can have some patience and try with the children of your siblings. When that communication does not work as well as you expected….be patient and try the next generation. Always be open to forgiveness as it truly a gift you give yourself. Forgiveness is the key. Forgive yourself first. Then you can put family first.
My beloved and inspirational Grandmother, Eula Mae Coburn, passed away on 1/1/11, at the amazing age of 105 years old. For the past five years, since she turned 100, I often heard people ask her for her advice on how to live a satisfying life to such an old age. The advice I most often heard her give to people was “Be happy with what you’ve got!” She grew up quite poor, and worked hard during her life, and she was married to the love of her life for sixty years before he died over twenty years ago. She had three children, two of whom she outlived, and she was grateful for every blessing she had, and never complained about anything! She thought it was “such a shame” that people today seem to always be wanting more and searching for happiness, instead of enjoying the moments and “being happy with what they got!” I think of her often, and am trying to heed her wisdom and pass it on to my own children.
Julia,
Your grandmother sounds like a very special woman and her lesson is a great one. Throughout the project, I had the privilege to talk with several centenarians and found real value in the lessons they shared. I even had the chance to capture one centenarian’s advice on video. You can see it here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuRJa0DHgYU&list=UUWdHURwIn4oBk3RXPSfFZfQ&feature=plcp
Thank you for sharing,
Karl
My mama said, “Child don’t hurry into marriage before you know who you are: stumble, fumble through your own story, before you melt into another’s. Once you stand at the threshold of marriage: your mother’s, mother’s mother’s story will be standing right behind you and the one you wed: well, his or her’s mother’,mother’s mother’s story is standing right behind them, as well as the father’s story! Be prepared to weave the beauty and the estacy of all the ancestors!
That is what my mother told me, and so it goes…………..
How poetic and beautiful!
Born in the late 1890s, Erna was already in her 80s when we met. On her 90th birthday we shared some special time with special friends, but afterwards she expressed her concerns of living so long. “My friends are almost all gone, and now my son’s friends are passing.”
She lived the adage “everything in moderation”; whether a thin slice of pumpernickel at lunch, or a measured single ounce of fine bourbon every night at 5PM enjoyed peacefully on her veranda. Her life was rich in its simplicity.
She was well traveled, and continued to travel as she could. She was elegant and polite in every way. By her 100th birthday, she too had lost her only child, and he had lived a full life. I learned not to wish for a long life, but for one rich in memories.
After her passing, it was the simple rituals that remained honoring her life – the special christmas eve appetizers, the ounce of bourbon at 5pm, and the porcelin box that always held cookies for grandchildren and later great grands. I look at that box, as it sits on my counter – and see that I make the same memories as my daughter, her great granddaughter says, “let’s make fudge for “Oma’s box” for Christmas.”
I don’t know if this qualifies it is something I have come to believe in over the course of my working years. I have been working part or full time since I was 16 and will be 56 in Jan. It is important to work with people you like and respect you will see them as much as your immediate family and more than your friends and extended family.
So don’t go to work with dread because of your co-workers you are going to spend a lot of time with them!
An older man I met in the lobby at my son’s college told me his three keys to a happy life:
1. Treat your body as if you’ll live forever.
2. Treat your friends as if you’ll die tomorrow.
3. Always push back from the table when you are 80%full.
What wonderful advice, Carolyn! Since I embarked on this project, I’ve always appreciated how the elders I met could sum up important advice for living in a few pithy sentences.
I was always taught to see value in the process and result of hard work. What. is missing in younger generations is a desire to learn doing but instead just want their “fast food”.
Pamper yourself and always work out no matter the age. Keeping a healthy body gives you energy to be able to enjoy life and slows the aging process.
Since I’m 36 and in between the elder and the young I’ll share a life lesson and something I learned from the greatest elder in my life.
My life lesson: Color with crayons! It’s a great stress reliever and it always puts a smile on my face to know that I can conquer darkness with my personal touch of color.
The Life Lessons I learned: My grandmother who passed away in 2008 left me a life legacy to love people unconditionally. She understood everyone has their faults and deserves to still be loved. My 90 year old grandfather taught me to drink milk everyday, how to plant a fig tree, enjoy some cookies and to do it all without complaining.
Spend more time in the slow lane. Everything looks better and the rewards are greater. You get a much better perspective and a sense of accomplishment in enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. Savor the journey; there is a greater likelihood the pathway will provide the rewards that may elude you at the end.
You don’t have to do something special every day, but there are a myriad of ways that you can make everyday special.
Embrace intimacy. Don’t be afraid to let those close to you know how you feel and what makes the relationship work. Learn the difference between sex and true intimacy. Most people are capable of sex, but fewer make the effort to enjoy a deep sense of connection.
Don’t be afraid to make lifestyle changes that enhance your quality of life. Listen to your body and make changes that can increase your chances of being dealt a winning hand. There are no guarantees in life; do everything in your power to stack the deck in your favor.
my father who died in 1987 had always told his children (all 7) of us that a person is only as good as his or her word. if you dont keep your word and be honest with people you’ve really not got much. so i live by that and try to teach my kids and grandkids the same thing.
#1. Find the moment and live in it.
#2. Never buy a used boat that’s never been in the water.
#3. Learn to spot trouble coming and run in the opposite direction.
#4. Don’t believe anybody that tells you that 60 is the new 50. It’s a lie. That’s why they invented numbers.
#5. Never loan money to anyone. If you can afford it, give it to them.
#5. Don’t pretend to be talking on your cell phone when your not, it’s just plain rude.
#6. If you keep falling into the same hole on your way home from work. Take a different route on your way home from work.
#7. Leave a dollar bill where only a child will find it. You will make their day.
#7. Every time you tip someone, and angel in heaven also gets a tip.
#8. Where ever you go, listen to the music that is playing. it is the soundtrack of your life.
#9. Don’t dwell on the fact that coffee used to cost ten cents a cup. Just remember how bad it used to taste.
#10. If you have to change lanes on the freeway, always ask yourself, do I really need to be in the fast lane.
#11. Buy a Christmas present for someone who least expects it. They will remember the kind gesture for the rest of their life.
#12. Any time your in an elevator, remember your first ride in an elevator. People will wonder what your smiling about.
#13. When you get old, avoid learning to skateboard. You will avoid a lot of broken bones.
#14. The easiest and cheapest way to make a small child happy is to give them a helium filled balloon.
#15. It’s a beautiful world. point it out to people who don’t seem to notice.
#16. When you see a rainbow up in the sky, make a wish. Rainbow wished always come true.
#17. Never spend money on todays’ newspaper. Read free newspaper from yesterday. What do you care if your news is one day old.
#18. If you can’t say something nice to someone, say something nice to them anyway.
#19. If your host asks you if you got enough to eat, tell them, “I filled up like a hunting dog.” It will keep that quaint saying in circulation.
#20. If you don’t like liver, don’t feel bad. i don’t like it either.
#21. When you meet someone with a big ego, always add an “ie” to their first name. Their ego won’t seem so big.
#22. Don’t carry snow chains in the trunk of your car unless you know how to put them on.
#23. Occasionally let your dog take you for a walk. You will be surprised the new things you discover.
#24. Alway let people go ahead of you. It will help you from getting a big head. Nobody likes people with a big head.
#25. The 30 second rule doesn’t apply when you drop your food into the toilet.
#26. When you go to church, always remember: It’s a sin to park in the guest parking spots.
#27. If you don’t know the words, pretend that you do. The guy next to you doesn’t know the words either.
#28. Write your own greeting cards and save six bucks plus tax unless you own stock in Hallmark Cards.
#29. Don’t feel guilty sampling the grapes at the grocery store, how else are you going to know if their ripe.
#30. Pretend you work at a gas station and occasionally check the oil in your car.
#31. After you read the newspaper, learn how to fold up perfectly so that the guy who actually pays for it doesn’t feel like he’s buying a used newspaper.
#32. If you can’t live without a cell phone. Buy one. If you can live without one, buy one anyway. You might get a flat tire and you’ll be glad you have it.
#33. Always spit out your gum in a trash can. You have no idea how much peanut butter is wasted every year trying to get used gum out of your clothes and hair.
#34. Once in a while, close one eye and look around just so you will know what it’s like to close one eye and look around.
#35. Try to laugh at your self at least once a day. Then when other people laugh at you, you won’t feel so bad.
#36. If you smoke, enjoy it. Never tell people your trying to quit when you have no intention of quitting.
#36. When the wind blows the hat off your head. Don’t run after it unless you want to look foolish.
#37. When someone offers you a sip of their drink, always take a little sip if you like them and a big sip if you don’t like them.
#38. Take your sunglasses and hat off when your inside. It’ll make the people who didn’t look really foolish.
#39. Pretend to understand what little children say to you even if you don’t. When you were little people did the same thing to you.
#30. Don’t applaud until you know the song is really over. Other wise people will know your unsophisticated and not afraid to show it.
#31. Always yield to oncoming traffic unless you have a left turn arrow. Your insurance agent is already overworked so don’t bother him.
#32. Try not to drive your truck around in 4-wheel drive just to look cool. It’s really hard on the transmission.
#33. If your shoes don’t fit. Maybe it’s time to stop buying shoes that don’t fit.
#34. If you want to be hip. At a rock concert, yell out: “More cowbell. everybody will have wished they yelled it.
#35. Never look in a woman’s purse especially if she’s been in a car accident and she’s dead. That’s the quickest way to bring a woman back from the dead.
#36. If you hear someone talking on a cellphone in public, pretend your listening to them. When they tell you, “Do you mind . . . this is a private conversation,” tell them, “I’m sorry but their’s no privacy – in a public place.”
#37. It’s okay to whisper in public as long as your not pointing at the people your whispering about.
#38. If someone tells you that using Twitter is the equivalent of eating white wonder bread in the 60′s and that it has no nutritional value, just agree with them, even if you think it’s true.
#39. Crossing the street to avoid an obnoxious person is very similar un-friending someone on Facebook. I’m not saying it’s okay to do, it’s just similar.
#40. When you meet a woman for the first time, always compliment her on her shoes. Women are big into compliments about their shoes.
#42. Don’t pretend you don’t have to go to the bathroom if you have to. You might have an accident.
#43. If your ugly and you know it, don’t pretend you don’t know it. Just be who you are and not what your not.
#44. Don’t steal cups and glasses from restaurants. Your friends will notice that none of your glasses match.
#45. Carrying three cups of hot cups of coffee at the same time is just asking for trouble not to mention wasting the better part of a twenty dollar bill.
#46. If you have a hard time writing funny one liners, don’t. You can’t force art.
#47. There’s no law that say’s you can’t encourage people to do what they want to unless their about to jump off a tall building.
#48. Sharing a straw with someone in the old days was a sign of affection, now days it just spreads germs.
#49. Sending text messages from the back seat of the car to the front seat is a really great idea – if your deaf.
#50. When you text, don’t worry if you can’t spell words correctly, nobody will ever notice.
#51. If your sick and in the hospital and you find out the hospitals head chef was fired for making people sick, ask the head nurse how they figured that out and then ask if you can go home.
#52. Drive with your lights on during the day, but only if you can afford to replace your headlights twice as often.
#53. Remember. The person with the coolest ringtone will always think their the coolest person in the room and they are to be avoided at all costs.
#54. It’s okay for a man to carry a large wallet or ‘man purse’ as long as it doesn’t have a strap and you carry it over your shoulder.
#56. In a fine steak house, if you want steak sauce, pass a note to your waitress to avoid the chef overhearing you.
#57. If a cocky parking attendant expects a big tip from you – just for bringing your car around, give him a good tip. Tell him not to park near a fire hydrant.
#58. If your eating in a restaurant and some big guys in three piece suits come in and their carrying violin cases, just asked to be excused and climb out the bathroom window.
#59. You’ll only look stupid if your wearing a thick wool cap on your head and it’s a hundred degrees outside.
#60. If your shoes have built in wheels, don’t pretend that your seriously practicing for the next olympic summer games.
#61. If nothing bad has ever happened to you in your entire life, don’t try to sing the blues.
#62. Fake Christmas trees are perfectly okay to put up in your house. It’s just really tacky to put it in the garage fully decorated and drag it out next year.
#63. Serving wine in styrofoam cups, to your friends, is perfectly acceptable if the wine comes out of a box with a plastic bladder.
#64. If your old school and can’t text very fast, just look up at the ceiling occasionally, as if your putting some deep thought into your 144 character tweet.
#65. When you go four wheeling up in the mountains and come back with mud caked on your truck, it’s really not that cool if you don’t wash your car for three months just so you can look cool.
#66. If your getting too old to ride a bicycle safely, your probably getting to old to ride a bicycle safely.
#67. If you go thru the car wash and it doesn’t get your car clean, going thru a second time probably won’t get your car clean.
Thank you! These are wonderful. I’m at #32. Too much to take in all at once!
On my way to middle age, 60, I have learned through my older
lady friends that NOTHING is fair in life. Flexibility
in a marriage is the only way to get through it. The marriage will NEVER
be perfect! Each day holds the key to a successful union!
I have learned that when I am aggrivated with a friend or relative, I try to
“get over it”. They are NOT going to change if they haven’t yet!
Habits can change but character cannot!
Keeping that thought in mind lets me use my time for what I am
interested in, rather than dwelling on people who are inflexible!
Kwityurbellyachin! If you are obsessing in something that happened in the past, you are not getting on with life. Look to the future and enjoy it.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that it’s just as easy to smile at someone as to ignore them as you pass. It’s amazing what the simple act of a smile can do to light up a total stranger’s face for a moment. We are all interconnected in some way, and a smile can trigger a chain reaction of events that make other lives better. When I’m having a bad day, I make it a point to get out into life, interact with people, and smile. It makes me feel better, and it certainly doesn’t hurt the other person at all!
Focus your attention on what needs to be done, and how to do it in the best possible way for the greatest benefit of those involved. When we do this and set aside our personal wants and desires, we can tackle the job at hand, no matter how difficult, without fear or anxiety. The job at hand becomes paramount not whether you win or lose, fail or triumph or what others think of you.
It prevents distracting thoughts and scattering of one’s mind and allows for peace of mind in both success and failure.
If you have an appreciation of irony,give it voice. If you do not appreciate it, then study those who have written on its virtue, and pray for the best.
My grandma says, “Don’t save and hoard money to the point of not enjoying yourself or indulging in something you really enjoy. When you die, money doesn’t go with you. Save enough to get you by in an emergency and use whatever is left to go out and enjoy the world.”
Make the most of what you have. Don’t waste time envying other sand thinking of what could’ve been. Be thankful for what you have and what you have achieved and put it all to good use – you’ll definitely be happier that way.
While I’m 50 now, when I was 25 or so I called my grandmother to wish her happy 95th birthday. “So, what do you think about turning 95?” I asked her. She briefly considered the question. “Well” she said, “It beats the other option.” “You can’t go back in time, only forward.” Anytime I’ve wished I could go back and change something, an image of her imparting these words of wisdom pop into my head.
I have found that the following, not money provides
a life full of purpose and satisfaction:
1. Start with a prayer of Thanksgiving every day
2. Be positive as you go about your day
3. Show kindness to a stranger
4. Do a good deed for a neighbor
5. Send a loving text to your children or friends
Concentrating on doing things for others takes the focus off your wants and makes life rewarding and blesses others and makes their day a better day.
The wisdom that I’d like to pass along is this: you learn more from your failures than your successes. Failure is a great teacher. People give themselves far more credit for their successes than they should.
DON”T waste PRECIOUS TIME and ENERGY being sad, angry, resentful, etc, at your spouse, sister, brother, mother, father, friend, …whomever …. even if you’ve got a good reason to be, …… or for not ‘being’ or ‘doing’ what WE thought they should, or HOPED they would, ….. Accept who THEY are, …………………….. Remind yourself, as some have already stated, YOUR HAPPINESS is YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY, (not anybody elses) … so you can take responsibility by learning that you can CHOOSE to let the anger and resentment go … simply agree to disagree, or FORGIVE whomever of whatever if need be, FORGIVE YOURSELF for HOLDING ON TO ALL THAT NEGATIVITY ……….. then let it all go …. CHOOSE to be HAPPY! And I say ‘go whole hog!’ be LOVING TOO!! What the heck! It feels GREAT! You’ll discover that IT WORKS! … It REALLY WORKS! It takes practice, but it REALLY WORKS!
!
It works because your HEART begins to run the show again, instead of your mind ! You start to value the ‘LOVE’ in all your relationships with family and friends more than you value ‘being right’ .
But the biggest payoff once you learn this, and do this …
( just ‘being’ …. ‘doing’ … ‘enjoying’ … in the present …. choosing to appreciate and being ‘grateful for everything in your life’ ) ………… the most incredible things begin to happen ………… you’ll find love, caring, compassion, and JOY again …. and each will be with you some part of every day …. and that my friend, …. is like magic
Really folks. Pay attention to Grammy. All this resentment ‘stuff’, is like a big boat anchor that nobody bothers to pull up when they want to set sail. It just slows you down. Stay positive and focus on making yourself the best person you can be.
I work in long-term care, and therefore am fortunate enough to be able to harvest hundreds of tidbits every week from the men and women I am so proud to serve. I have seen people required to downsize everything they own to fit into a wardrobe and a few nightstand drawers, yet deeply understand that those were only things and that the real riches in life are their relationships and their wisdom.
One gentleman, noting that I had my third cold of last winter, asked me why I wasn’t taking better care of myself. “Look at me,” he said “you don’t want to be in a scooter, crippled and in pain. Pamper yourself now, eat right, get enough sleep, don’t worry so much about the work here – it will be here tomorrow.” Wise words, Mr. K. Another resident, a woman who grew up in the still mostly rural county in Maryland where we live, gave me a book of poetry she’d written as a thank-you for helping her take a trip to the County Fair several years ago. She wrote about the simple things – working on the family farm, swimming in the creek with her siblings, enjoying the scents, sights, and sounds of country life. By sharing, she was telling me to appreciate the every day joys and not be so busy as to overlook them.
I gather nuggets such as these every day, and consider myself so blessed to be able to do so!
Thank you for sharing some of the lessons you’ve learned over the years, and thank you for your dedication to taking care of our elders. I, too, consider myself lucky to be able to gather advice from our elders.
My grandmother has taught me that being compassionate adds value not only to others lives, but also to your own. She has always stuck up for the underdog and found a way to appreciate all she has in her life by appreciating the reality of others unfortunate circumstances. She has an bottomless pool of love and compassion and that has enabled her to enjoy her own life
As an 89 year old Alaskan, and observing other Alaskan seniors, the most important life lesson I’ve learned is that it is important to make friends and to continue to make new friends while nourishing ongoing friendships. My life is (and has been) enriched, stretched and supported by my friends. And, perhaps even more important, is to add friendship to the ways you interact with your children — to change your relationships with them from parent/child to adult/friend to friend. My life has become much richer during this later part of my life as a result of understanding the importance of friends of all ages.
If you have an idea, any idea, begin working on it. Just start. Start anything, start anywhere, though starting at the beginning is a good idea. Too many times we don’t start or begin because we already have this notion that it is not going to work or it will fail. And so, we don’t start because we don’t want to waste our time on it and fail. Don’t worry about failure. If you start on it, anything, you can figure out whether you are making the right moves as you go along. It does not need to be perfect or pretty. You will make changes as you go along. But if you don’t start on it, you will never know how to make it work and it will most certainly have failed before it got off the ground. So be brave, be the one that made the decision, be the one that opened the door for everyone to walk through, be the one to start. Just Start.
My 79 year old grandmother says to me and all the young people that she comes across, “It’s hell getting old, so, have fun everyday, while you are young.”
my dad always reminds me in troubling times that we have a finite supply of energy and only we can choose what we “spend it on” so if something is bothersome and there is no real reason to justify expending energy on it ( at least at the moment) picture the worry in a box, lock it up and put it away for now.
Keep these three priorities in mind; throughout your entire live:
1. Your health
2. Your career (your education if still in school)
3. Your Family
Without your health; you probably cant get or keep a career and/or what good are you to your family.
Without your career; you can not provide for your yourself much less your family. Without a good education you can’t get a career.
Without your family; you have no support base, in the event you fall on hard times. You need someone to share your good fortunes.
My grandmother always said, “Never forget those who love you. Keeping them first and foremost will ensure your funeral is a crowded one!”
Don’t just listen and read. Make this your habit exactly same like when you eat food you drink water as well.
1- Listen/ Read + Understand + Practice = A peaceful life
2- Be a good listener
3- The demon of worldly desires is always seeking chances to deceive the mind. If a viper lives in our room and you wish to have a peaceful sleep, you must first chase it out.
I am a woman, physically small, living alone. And it seemed as if I had to live in fear, as a survival strategy. I hate being afraid, it diminishes precious energy. My bit of wisdom is, Adventures are by nature scary and uncomfortable. So if you are scared and uncomfortable, you are actually having an adventure.
And that’s a whole different prospect, adventure vs fear. Adventure encourages action and involvement, where fear inspires withdrawal and inaction.
I’ve never forgotten what my Grandma told me when I was a teen:
“You can live on love…till breakfast”.
1. “Never party with people wearing rented clothes.” This quote of mine was used on the cover of Esquire Magazine as the lead in to a “What I’ve Learned” round up article.
2. If you’re heart is not in it don’t be in on it. Learn to say no.
3. Never miss a chance to laugh out loud. Quiet chuckles and friendly smiles are good too.
4. Al Capone said “You can get farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.” I think Al should have erased everything after word.
5. Politicians and tigers have a lot in common. Keep your back to the wall.
The greatest gift that you can give yourself is : self awareness. Without moment to moment awareness of your thinking, feelings and actions, you have no idea of your operating system resulting in recreating the same scenarios over and over again. And then have no idea why situations are constantly re-occuring in your life.
I’ve learned how valuable it can be to “not know:” not know the answer, not be so sure I know what’s going on. Many of my biggest mistakes have been in the territory of not fully understanding someone or a situation while believing that I did. So I’ve learned (or, more accurately, am still learning) to stay curious, to keep open space around things, to be willing to learn as I go. I’m learning to openly and humbly (and courageously!) attune to the present experience, rather than believe I know what’s happening or what’s supposed to happen.
I was brought up to be a house wife. I was born in 1949 and am the eldest of four siblings. I learned to cook for my family of six at 11 years old.
My mother at that time, had started to work at a bank to help with household finances. Also it was the beginning of the 60′s a time when women were joining the work force in mass. I suppose you would call this the beginning of the “Latch Key” children, alone after school while the parents were working.
I suppose by today’s standards it could have been suggested that it was abusive, leaving four children home after school without supervision. But, in those days you could count on your neighbors, because they were probably home if there was an emergency.
I was married at twenty-one to someone who I thought was really fun and looked to the future with brightness and innovation.
My parents thought there was an emergency just around every corner, and worried about the future. Home life was tense in my teens and I practically lived with my best friend. She was also a wife in training, and we spent many hours sewing our own clothes for school. A-Line dresses were in and we could make one in about 2 hours or less. Cost a yard & a half of material for 59 cents to a dollar.
The the sex revolution was upon us, Vietnam War clashes, Kennedys were killed as well as Martin Luther King, and the race riots: Montgomery, Selma, LA, Atlanta, Chicago, New York, Memphis, everything was upside down.
When I was forty, still married to the same man(was he?) and the mother of a small daughter; all of a sudden very serious legal charges were brought against my husband; by the way I worked three jobs to send him to law school.
I was still a very home bound person and looked forward to doing more charity work with a woman’s club and spending time with our daughter.
Then the bomb shell hit – My husband, indited, and sentenced to 15 years in Federal prison for getting involved with his criminal clients. At sentencing the Judge only gave him 3 years. He left the day before our daughter’s 7th birthday.
What happened next was, I grew up. I continued as a novice to operate a complicated risky business that I knew nothing about; thankfully I was peppered with a lot of common sense during my younger years. I learned quickly.
Meanwhile having no family within 300 miles, I really mean NO FAMILY. Since they were such worriers I didn’t want to ask for help except when it came to my daughter. I did have to hire a full time housekeeper to care for the house and my daughter after school and at night, because my business was open 11Am – 2AM every day, including Sundays.
On the weekends very early my daughter and I would drive 1 1/2 hours to the Prison to visit. Then sit and wait. I learned more patience and so did my daughter. It was somewhat degrading to be amongst the families of some inmates … I even agreed to give the wife and child of one of the men there, a ride to see him. That ended after the woman slapped her child during one of our trips to the prison. After driving home I would get ready to go to work again. Never ending cycle.
I did end the cycle of our marriage… it was always all about him. I suspected he was going to get out of prison and expect me to do something to “front him” in a different business. I refused, because it would be breaking the law. His sister did though and got into a very difficult situation with licensing of the business, and told her brother she was out. He was a user and it took me a long time to realize it. I was brought up to believe divorce was something to be ashamed about.
- I learned that marriage is not for the timid.
- People change, and there is nothing much you can do about that.
- Don’t worry about what you cannot control.
- And the Phoenix Factor… the thrill of rising from the ashes to be self reliant, confident, productive and self fulfilling.
My sage advice looking back is:
- Don’t be afraid of criticism, embrace it.
You will be surprised at what “positives” you can take from it.
- Have something pleasant to say about anything or anybody. Stay away from negativity and criticism.
- Having a tough day?
Do something nice for someone else. You will be uplifted too!
- Smile when you are talking on the phone; your voice reflect your pleasant
greetings
– Like I advised my daughter when she was in elementary school; The most dangerous animal on this planet has two legs and can think.
Katherine
I learned from an older gentleman once that you can do ANYTHING for an hour.
I (a 30 year old man) was casually playing fiddle with a group of older folks at a bluegrass festival when the director of the festival came to our group and told us that there had been a health issue with one of the professional bands due to perform later that afternoon. He asked us if we would like to play in their place. We excitedly accepted. We practiced as long as we could, and although we played well together, we were no match for the other professional groups playing that weekend. As we approached the stage for our part of the show (following one of the best bluegrass bands I have ever heard i might add), I told my older friend that I felt like I was too nervous to play. That’s when he said, “Son, you can do ANYTHING for an hour.” I have since applied this wisdom to ANYTHING I dread doing and it has gone a long way in helping me put things into perspective.
The most valuable lessons I learned in my 85 years occured before I was 25. The first, from my father: “Your friends and your family aren’t going to pay your bills. You have to go where the money is”. The second from my maternal grandfather: “Always abide by the old Quaker axiom, Never touch thy capital.”
I followed my fathers advice and it proved to be very fruitful. Unfortunately, I ignored Pop Pop’s advice, and now, like him I am going to die a pauper with bankruptcy in the offing as well as foreclosure of my home. I learned that one must find a way to pay off the mortgage before retirement so you can never be evicted from your cherished home.
AS AN 83 YEAR OLD “SENIOR”, I HAVE LEARNED,
“BE PROACTIVE AND NOT REACTIVR”.
MARTIN SILVER
there is not enough time or energy for you to waste any of it hating
forgive
for your own sake
You are never alone.
No one can know exactly what you have gone through, you are unique, but enough people have had similar enough experiences that you can rely on them for help and empathy.
You are good enough.
Too many of us are taught, either by relatives or media, that we are somehow never good enough. The fact is that we are. We are human, we make mistakes, we are not perfect, but we are good enough.
You are enough.
You dont have to wait for a knight in shining armor to rescue you, or conditions to be just right, or to have x, y or z before you can take care of what needs to be done, to be healthy or stable, or to thrive. Most of us have within us all that we need in order to do all those things.
This choice-making exercise from a self-help book changed my life in my 30s–Pick 6 things you’d really like to do before you die. DON’T consider why or how. The sole criteria is your desire. Then, narrow that list to the 3 things you’d MOST like to do. Again, narrow the list to 2. Pick one and DO IT! The way will open when you have determined the goal.
Using this exercise, I went back to undergraduate school and completed my degree. Similar choices led to teaching English in China and other travels abroad, as well as living in Bulgaria for 5 months after retirement as a community college teacher. Recently, I traveled for 2 months in the U.S. southwest, northwest and Canada.
The unforeseen happens along the way. Be ready for that! Making choices is not always about having total control. Be flexible and enjoy the journey!
Advice from a 72 year old to younger ones: Value people! Connecting to and developing relationships with people, whether they are in your family, new or old friends, people you meet on travels, in your work, or volunteering, connecting with people will give a depth of value and perspective to your whole life time. It starts when you are a child with family and friends and grows with your years and experiences to give a vitality, a sense of value, and a raison d’etre to your whole like. It only increases with age and seems to remove such things as worry, self-pity, and limited understanding of life. Enjoy and invest in people!
My advice: never stop reading, learning and being curious about everyday things you encounter. (How DOES that work? What would happen if…..?) I have been a teacher for forty years, and I’d like to think the most valuable legacy I’ve left to the hundreds of students I have taught is to think critically–have an inquiring mind, read, learn and never stop.
One of the biggest, most rewarding things I’ve done for myself lately is giving myself permission to just sit and feel good in my body…even sexy.
This has done wonders for my health, temperament, and feelings of being grounded.
It even has slowed my speech.
Until this change I used to be in my head all the time. I talked too much, too fast, and gave a flighty impression.
Being in touch with my body, and being centered in a feminine physical place just feels so good. Change is always a process, of course.
Age 61
The best recipe for enjoying others is to savor their positive qualities and simmer down their negative ones–like reducing a scrumptious gravy. When you focus on an individual’s good points, you are less stressed, more appreciated by others, and happier. So, when confronted by the negative quality of another, turn into a master chef! Direct the conversation to a subject that the individual knows more about than you do, and ask a question; offer to assist the individual in some way with a task; or ask the individual to share with you his or her goals, dreams, and hopes for the moment or the future. All these ingredients will make a very good gravy out of the turkey!
My father is 84 years old and I am learning from him still. One lesson that he taught me early on is to look before you leap. These words have served me well on many occasions. By taking the time to consider possibilities and thinking through before acting, observing the landscape before getting immersed in it, I have avoided some sticky situations. Then again, there are times when I have not followed this advice and wish that I had. Some messes could have been avoided.
Don’t give up opportunities to be with your children as much as possible while they are toddlers. They will “leave” your side when they turn 10-11.
Laugh outloud. Find a story, joke, movie, picture, whatever, and let ‘er rip!
My dad always used to tell me to “keep my doors open.” Good advice – which I didn’t follow, of course. I now share it with my students, though, and I will eventually pass it on to my sons.
Never mistake kindness for weakness.
Move your body more.
“Stay true to your word.” “Smile”.
Frankie and Clyde Barrett
Stay Connected : We go through many life changes – marriage, the birth of our children, death of loved ones, children leaving home to attend college. During these times it is imperative to stay connected with family and friends. Make time to stay connected either via email or a quick phone call if you are short on time and if time permits meet for a quick coffee/lunch or a trip to the mall. Our relationships form us, influence us and give us strength especially in trying times. They make us feel loved, more confident and more willing to open our hearts to others. This is a gift that keeps on giving.
One of the best ways to reduce stress is to become better at whatever causes you stress. Knowledge is a powerful stress reliever. Practice,study and analize the things that cause you stress. Once you master one thing go to something else that causes you stress.
Wait to marry until you meet the person you fall truly in love with and that you can love all your life.
Being a caregiver has been one of the best things I’ve accomplished in my life. I have been working as a caregiver for almost five years and I love it. It’s a calling and I believe not everyone can do it. An elderly person once told me that I should accomplish all I want in life whilst I am still young because once you grow older all you do is sleep and eat. She was right, because I have observed that in the years I have worked with senior citizens. I have learnt how to be patient and take one step at a time. It gives me joy and peace when I go home knowing I changed and made a difference in someon’s life.
I have learnt how to love each and everyone of them like they are my own family, and I believe my reward shall come from God. When I work I do it with all my heart. I have learnt to treat each and every one as an individual because we all have different wants and needs. Every day is a new day. You nver know what the future holds or what the day has in store. Happy Mary today might be sad or sick tomorrow, so as a result I have learnt how to deal with situations like that to make things easier for them.
Their stories are incredibly amazing, it feels great when you sit down with elderly people and have a conversation with them about their past. This old man today, was once a lawyer, a write, father or mother and once had a wonderful life and we should acknowledge that. Being a caregiver has made me learn more about myself and made me a better person. It has taught me how to humble myself and not judge other people in advance. I have learnt how to help people from different walks of life. It has also taught me how to value friendships and family, I have learnt the importance of family and I treasure every second I spend with them. Moreover, everyone needs love, so each time I leave work I am glad I made someone happy.
Theresa Banda
Caregiver
Village at Lowry
303-364-7149
What I have learned from the elderly is to be patient. Not to take advantage of anything because I may not be here tomorrow. Live your life so you regret nothing. Most of all, do things from your heart and do not expect anything in return for your kindness, it is never forgotten.
Fiona Saunders
Transportation
Village at Lowry
303-364-7179
I was born in 1921 into a large family with a lot of brains but very little money. It was a community of farmers near a small village. ALl the farmers had large families, children considered an investment, rather than a liabilty. Women did not go to school beyond 8th grade because “they only got married and raised children anyway”. If no on wanted to marry her, a girl/woman could train to become a teacher, nurse, or secretary and become a “career woman”. It was assured that she could not do both.
If my parents thought like that they never said so. We – 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters, and 4 younger brothers and the baby, a sister – did whatever we pleased after we finished elementary school. The older ones found the village too dull and saw no hope of finding a way to earn a living for themselves in such a place, and left home.
My older brothers found a way to get to California to make their fortune there. My oldest sister moved to Thief River Falls, a town of some 12,000, and cleaned houses for a living until she married. My next older sister went to live with a cousin in another small town and married at age 17 years.
I, the 5th child, was a teenage misfit. After graduating from 8th grade, I wanted to go to high school and expected my parents to provide for same. The nearest high school was 40 miles away, the roads were gravel and driving back and forth daily was not an option. We only had the family car.
I was 13 years old when I finished grade school and nagged my parents steadily for the next year to let me move to Thief River Falls and attend high school.
I expect they got so tried of me they couldn’t stand it any longer and at age 14 my dad drove me to TRF where he paid for a rented room with kitchen priviledges and let me enroll in Lincoln HS for the fall of 1935.
When I got to TRF and started school I learned all manner of new things. I found out that I could live with a family and work for my room and board while going to school. I learned from the dean of women that she could give me a list of all the hospital nursing schools in the State. I found that I could collect a State stipend of $7 per month because our village did not have a high school.
My childhood obsession of becoming an educated woman had begun. I loved the family I lived with and learned a lot from the mother about running a household. I did help with the housework and ironing but my main reason for being there was a sitter for the 3 children in the evenings. This couple had a very active social life and were out most evenings.
I suppose now young persons learn this in kindergarten, that is, try something new and immediately one finds out a mountain of more things. The wisdom came to me at age 14 and was useful for the rest of my life. I have gone forth freely into the world of unknowns and still do at age 90.
Beth Hohle
150 Quebec Street #328W
Denver, CO 80230
My grandmother was the wisest and gentlest little old lady I ever met. She had been a school teacher around the turn of the century (1900 to 1915) before she married. She would get the attention of her class full of unruely overgrown farmboys by simply lowering her voice. She never yelled at anyone and yet got all the attention and respect in the world.
The best advise I ever got was from Grandma Mattie Jundt . “So live,” she told me, “that people are always glad to see you come and sorry to see you go.” That’s the Golden Rule in shoe leather.
My parents and grandparents have taught me to never forget the great sacrifice made by so many for our freedom. We fly Old Glory every day at home. My dad is my preist, and we never fail to pray for our soldiers. We write weekly to a soldier we adopted through Soldiers’ Angels. My granddad served in the Pacific during WWII. I’m homeschooled, and my siblings and I are always reading books about the service, especially WWII. We love to watch war movies, and my favorite subject is history, my favorite era, WWII. My parents and grandparents have instilled in me and my siblings the importance of voting and doing what is right; living as an upstanding citizen to keep this the greatest nation in the world pure. That is the invaluable lesson my elders have taught me. God Bless America!!!!
Emily Dibble, Age 15
Elder Wisdom
The most important life lesson I would like to pass along to the younger generation is to choose a career, you would enjoy, and do it to the best of your ability. Read books, listen, and do projects that are related to your interest and hobbies. I believe doing this doubles your chances of being a successful person.
If one does what he or she loves doing I believe it will be easier to focus, be determined, work hard, and simply not quit. When one does not quit until their goal is accomplished, I believe history will prove you will be a successful person.
Doing what you love, your job will not be work because you are happy doing what you love. When one does what he or she loves and enjoys, it reduces stress in the body and enables a person to be healthy, and hopefully live a longer productive life.
The most important life lesson I would like to pass on to the younger generation is do what you love, work hard, stay focus, be determined, listen, do not quit until your goal is accomplished , and surround yourself with good hard working people that practices healthy life styles.
My lesson can from my Grandmother –
I was calling to tell her about my new boyfriend and that I would introduce her to him on her next visit. I also wanted to tell her that my parents did not agree with my choice and that they were not willing to meet him. The phone grew quite for a minute and then she asked one simple but most important question, “Do you love him?” At that point the tears started to flow and she told me that through out her life she has learned many lessons and this was most important, “if you love him, you stand by him and anyone that doesn’t agree with your decision will have to live with it.” Then she asked me which of my parents doesn’t agree with me. I told her it was both of my parents, and then she said she was going to call my Mom and remind her of the importance of love and give her a piece of her mind. I hung up with a heavy burden lifted and a true reminder of what is really important in life.
Kim,
What an amazing example of elder wisdom. This kind of practical wisdom is amazing – it takes a lifetime to learn, but it is so easily shared if we ask. Many thanks for sharing this life-changing advice!
My Dad, the late Charles G. Strickland , was the elder that taught my most valuable life lesson.
Daddy forever stressed that having been born a woman ought to never stand in my way of fulfilling my dreams as I journeyed life’s path alone.
Because of his lifelong encouragement, I have let nothing stop me from following my heart’s desire; whether it was pedaling my bicycle 100+ miles, figuring out how to take trips across the USA, or making arrangements to attend Auctioneer College.
Hi Eileen,
Many women in the Legacy Project had to overcome challenges to achieve in life, and some would agree with you that their fathers had especially encouraged them. Take a look at the interviews with Frances on our YouTube site – her father helped to her become the independent and adventurous person she is. http://www.youtube.com/user/CornellLegacyProject#p/u/12/An_mlk90_Jg
My name is Annie Herbert, and I was born in Statesboro, Georgia on February 22, 1939. I am the daughter of Charlie and Clara Wells. I have seven brothers and eight sisters. I went to school in Statesboro, Georgia, attended Center High School in Waycross, Georgia, and Orlando Vocational Tech where I studied to become a nurse. I am the mother of five children, four girls and one boy. I was married to C.B. Herbert.
After his death, I returned to being a nurse. Later, my sister got separated from her husband and decided to walk out on her six children. I decided to raise them too, so I was raising ten children, who are now grown up successfully. I also raised a grandson who today is 30 and a Sergeant in the Army. I am currently raising my great granddaughter whom I adopted, she is eight. All of the children I have raised have graduated. Many of them became nurses because they wanted to be like me. They have good jobs. I feel the children that I raised are successful because I never drank, partied, or did drugs. I raised them with so much love and dedication, with my own morals and character, the way I was raised. This is the reason I am a Foster Grandparent, because I truly believe I can make a difference in the life of a child just the way I made a difference with my own children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
I wish to tell all grandparents that if you can help just one child that is a big blessing from God. In your daily work, no matter what, hugs and kisses are what children want. So, give all that you can and remember all they ask for is tender loving care. I have one student now that makes my day.
I love volunteering at Pineloch. I pray “Lord please help me to understand the things I cannot change.” And the ones I cannot, just let me help one.
As a young boy growing up in the heart of the Great Depression our family had very limited income and hardly any material possessions. I wore hand-me- down clothes that didn’t fit and had no toys like the other kids. I was being raised by a wonderful grandma whose simple advice to a little boy has stuck with me my entire 68 years.
Knowing I felt out of place and embarassed, grandma told me “keep your head up, a smile on your face, and your shoes shined, and you will be alright”. It wasn’t how I looked, or the toys I didn’t have. It was about having a positive attitude.
It worked!
I came across this meaning of success decades ago. I gave it a prominent place on my desk at the office and at home, as an important reminder. I am 78 years old.
SUCCESS
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends’
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have live more then 65 years and know above all else love your spouse(partner). Show them everyday. Be kind, be generous, show affection, be patient and be understanding. I know that having a wonderful relationship will get you through all challenges.
“We are on this earth to help others. We can’t take what we earn to the grave with us.” This is one the many valuable lessons I have learned from my father. He is what I like to call “an angel on earth.” He is a shining example to me in my life of what being a Christian person is all about. His generous heart and willingness to make others happy is simply beautiful. There is no greater gift he can give me as his daughter and to my sons, his grandchildren, than leading by example. I only hope that at the end of my life I will have created a legacy like my father’s.
Gina F, Age 43
ginamail5@yahoo.com
My grandmother has always relied on a lot of natural/unconventional beauty products and remedies and has passed that advice on to me. She has always used J&J Baby Shampoo as a make-up remover instead of fancy cleansers – works a wonder. She has relied on basic Olay moisturizer instead of spending hundreds on creams and has the best skin – I only wish for the same! Sore throat? She wrapped cotton around a pencil, dipped it in iodine and swabbed my throat – I felt better within an hour. When I was congested, she’d boil water, put a towel or blanket over my head and make me breathe in the steam. For colds, she’d coat pieces of her aloe plant in sugar and make me eat it – it was disgusting, but worked wonders. I had a kidney infection when I was little, and one of the things that helped was boiling corn husks and drinking the resulting broth. And the list goes on!
On living life to its fullest, a beloved college professor in her late 80s told me, “Simplify, simplify, simplify.”
I have been blessed to be under the pastoral leadership of Bishop Varnie Nell Fullwood; and while under his leadership, he has taught me so much knowledge that I can apply to my life for the better. The first lesson that I would like to share with you is: “When duty is clear, action should be prompt.” This lesson stops us from being lazy in our affairs for once we are aware of what has to be taken care of, we should go ahead and execute; which will help us to stay ahead. Secondly, we are taught that: “Where you are today, is because of the decisions you made yesterday.” This lesson teaches us to be wise about the decisions we make, for they can drastically altar the course of our life. As a young adult, I am glad that I can sit under a fountain of wisdom; so that one day I can pour into someone else, that which was poured into me. Thank you Bishop Fullwood for your wealth of wisdom.
On Raising Children:
“It’s so important to maintain healthy habits with life and especially with food. Be sure to have a healthy diet to help children grow. Encourage them to study, enjoy school and get a great education.”
“Be thankful for the things in life you have seen through the years. Be thankful you are alive and live life to the fullest.”
Mr. Weisel served 2.5 years during WWII. He landed on Normandy Beach, fought in the Battle of the Bulge, helped liberate a concentration camp (Nordhausen) and earned a WWII Victory Medal, Good Conduct Medal, Normandy Beach Medal and European-African-Middle Eastern Service Medal. On August 24th, 2003 Mr. Weisel visited Normandy Beach. It was something he always wanted to do. He wanted to go back and visit the place his memory could not erase. While he was at the Utah Beach Museum on Normandy Beach he passed by a room where a meeting was being held. He stopped in and shared his story. They invited him back the next day and presented him with a certificate of honor along with another medal. That day he finally walked on the beach he tried so hard to erase from his memory. While standing on the beach he realized that the bunkers were still there and not much had been cleared. He said, “All I saw were hundreds of dead bodies laying around and floating on the water.” Emotions overtaking him, he added, “You should always be thankful for your life and live it to the fullest.”
On Compassionate Living:
“I keep my mind and body active by helping others in doing crafts such as bead stringing and jewelry making. I have always believed that when I die it won’t matter how much money I have or how large of a home. What will matter is how many people I have helped as I’ve traveled that road of life.”
“The first election I voted in was the third re-election of Franklin D. Roosevelt vs. Wendell Wilke in 1940 and I’ve voted in every election since then. That makes 18 elections and 12 presidents. Voting is our right and our obligation according to the Consitution of the United States of America. We should avail ourselves of this right each voting period.”
On Aging Well:
“I make sure to read the newspaper every day. It’s important to stay current on local, national and world events, plus it’s a good workout for the mind, the memory and even your eyes!”
On Raising Children:
“A father is one who loves his children and their mother in all circumstances. He disciplines with love and not anger. He spends time with his children and shows them by example how to make good choices. He is always there to open his heart to their concerns and he is present in their lives until the end, when it can be put on his headstone with pride ‘He Was My Father.’”
On Raising Children:
“Put your family first.”
On Raising Children:
“Pray for patience and enjoy each stage of your children’s development.”
On Health:
“Throughout my life I have stayed active in sports and other physical activities. Now that I’m 96 years old, I make sure to walk as much as I can. It keeps the body moving, the blood flowing and I always feel better after a walk.”
On Raising Children:
“Give your children all the love and attention they deserve and they will be good children.”
Tip for lasting love:
“Be patient and learn to overlook things. Nobody is perfect and you have to learn that fact.”
Alfred George and Marion Helen Reichwein, married 60 years
Tip for lasting love:
“Each must bend, give a little, sometimes a bit more, show love, respect, concern, warmth, and allow each other space!”
Marvin and Phyllis Ribyat, married 70 years
Two words of advice for lasting love:
“Yes, dear.”
Aaron and Muriel Meyers, married 70 years
Tip for lasting love: “Don’t argue. No one wins.”
Bob and Mary Longacre, married 68 years
I am a veteran of the Cold War and Vietnam. I served for thirteen years as an officer in the regular Army after graduating in 1956 from the ROTC at Johns Hopkins University. I am the son of a World War II veteran who in turn was the son of a veteran of World War I and the Spanish American War. In a fundamental way all three of us were typical citizen-soldiers just like millions of others who have served in the armed forces of the United States.
Beginning with the minutemen in 1776, and then through many years, these millions have drilled, stood watch and patrolled the land, the seas and the skies. They have fought in big wars and in deadly small engagements. This has all been shaped by the fact that the United States of America is a nation unique in history. Our founders well understood the historic importance of their new beginning. They carefully wrote out the principals that were to guide the new nation. Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg illuminated these principals with a blazing light that reached the whole world. Our liberties, repeatedly won at such heavy cost, have drawn men and women from all over the earth who sought freedom for themselves and their children. Those trapped here in obscene slavery also understood the American ideal. They insisted on gaining their birthright and as Americans they would not be denied it. No one needed to explain to any of these people the exceptional nature of the United States of America and its promise for all. From everywhere, and from all conditions, millions came to build and defend this special nation.
The exceptional role of America in the world’s history is sometimes not well understood even by our best foreign friends. At times even some Americans have temporarily forgotten their historical destiny. A dark example from my time occurred during the Vietnam War when many insisted that it was proper that the Vietnamese people should be ground down by Communist oppression simply because their oppressors were also Vietnamese.
Freedom requires free men and women to defend it. During my service I had the privilege of teaching chemistry for several years at the United States Military Academy at West Point where the motto is; “Duty, Honor, Country.” The essence of this charge to the West Point cadets also guides all who have worn the uniforms of our country.
One night our small post was attacked in Vietnam. As we rushed to our fighting positions an exploding mortar shell threw fragments into the back of a corporal, a radio operator. He was knocked to the ground. Painfully wounded, he continued to crawl forward through the exploding steel and choking dust, yelling, “Keep firing! Keep firing!” Our position held that night. One third of our comrades were killed or wounded. We learn and learn again what our duty is from such Americans.
In a long life I am proud that at one time I was able to serve as one among the millions that have fought so that; “the government of the people, by the people and for the people shall not perish from the earth.”
Carleton Haddock Jones, Jr.
Bronze Star, Air Medal, Joint Service Commendation Medal
Slowly sinking down on the park bench in the shade, finally finished with the arduous yard work, my eyes raised upward to the cerulean Texas skies. The billowing gulf clouds, majestically drifting to where ever the summer’s clouds would want to go, furnished the play areas for the hawks soaring free in and around them. These were not the raptors sitting on the fence posts diligently seeking sustenance among the weeds and fields. No, these had burst forth from the boring tasks of the daily routine and were allowing their spirits to run free through the clear and friendly winds, soaring to whatever heights rising thermal lifted them, exalting in the unhindered drop as they folded their wings, to spread them out to end the free fall and again sail out to find the next rising thermal, trusting and confident in it’s being there. Ever rising again and soaring through and around the clouds, free from the earth and it’s mundane tasks, I watched in envy. Why couldn’t I free myself of the worry and striving for whatever it was that I valued more highly than the freedom the hawks enjoyed? Had not God given us his spirit that we might be free? Did the hawks have more faith than me?
Do we not believe the promises that God had made to all mankind who come to him in faith and trust? Why do we not throw off the constant constraints of our pursuit of the security of material things, the mundane, perishable wealth which others will covet when we are gone to our eternal abiding place? His Spirit, living in us, promises that our spirit should soar freely as the hawks if we would only trust in His goodness as the hawks were confident in the ever presence of God’s supporting thermals and currents of the sky.
If only I were as one of them…
Above all, keep your humor. My grandfather was raked off a horse at age three in 1896, broke his hip and was crippled his entire life. He went on to run saw mills, work for the county road crews and mechanic just about anything that ran on gas. He never let pain or a “can’t do” attitude rule his life. This, and his dry humor made him a joy to be around. One afternoon my brother, grandmother, and grandfather were playing cards at a card table. My brother was sometimes a little pest and loved to harass people. He announced, “I’m plying ‘footsy’ with Grandma!”. Grandpa got the best of the situation though. “That’s what you think,” he declared in his droll voice and twinkling eye.
Hard work, a perpetual positive attitude and perseverance, all wrapped up in a jovial package… that was my grandfather. That is a wining combination for all of mankind, for all of eternity.
Enjoy being the age you are. Life moves by at breakneck speed and that’s not often realized until you’re older. Spending too much time wishing you were 13, 16, 21, 29, (29 again), and so forth keeps you from living contently and getting the most out of the age you are. Each age has its special meaning and makes its special contributions to your overall life, so look for what that gem might be today, instead of always looking forward or backward. Live in the present, because tomorrow comes so fast and yesterday becomes a memory all too soon.
Attitude, attitude, attitude. Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. That’s what my mother use to say all the time when I was younger. If you add the numbers of the word attitude in which they fall alphabet they add up to 100. So I teach this to my own 14 year old granddaughter now, hoping it will stick with her has it did me. Attitude will get you far in life.
Writing about my grandparents has helped me understand that my old age can be meaningful. My grandparents’ calm and gentle demeanor towards each other and toward me gave me a strong sense of stability and of hope for the future. Their gift to me was the gift of observing and participating in a simple, but happy lifestyle
at a time when there was great instability and unhappiness in my immediate family.
One reason I volunteer to teach English now in my old age to Spanish-speaking young people is because I can feel their uncertainty and emotional turmoil and sense of isolation. I know from feedback of earlier students that I have given them more than the gift of English. I have also given them encouragement and hope that they can overcome their fears and find happiness in an alien culture. One student who never thanked me and whom Iost sight of for years amazed me by going to my university and following my career path What a surprise it was for me to discover this and what a resounding thank you.
The most important lesson, I learned from life was passed on from my Great grandmother in her 80′s “Always do your best”.
From my mother, who passed away this spring at 92, and father, who is 86, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”
From a beloved teacher “Give of yourself”, that gift is so much more useful than anything that can be bought.
From all of them, that it is important to pass on skills and knowledge, tactfully and with a loving spirit.
I’ve been living by those ideals for 63 years, and they seem to work quite well.
“I knew it was going to make a great memory” she told me, she being the elderly woman I visit as we discussed our joint love of museums. She talked about a museum she visited in Greece that had an elaborate painting on the ceiling and chairs in which one could recline and enjoy. She doesn’t remember what the picture was of, but just that it was one of those moments she would remember, even at the age of 98. Some moments you have to just stop and take in, because if you do they will form great memories. I appreciated her sharing this with me because I frequently lose sight of enjoying moments like these as a busy college student.
The greatest lesson I’ve learned from an older person was from my homeless friend. He always told me that you always have to apply for whatever you’re trying to do, and not worry about what comes after that. So apply to med school, for the scholarship, for the job, and worry about how you’ll make it work later. You’ll never be able to do it anyway if you don’t apply.
My papa is always humming. He seems to always be taking things in around him and often stops to tell me, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.”
My dad has also given me a lot of good advice. He always says that in life you don’t owe anyone an explanation and that too many times people get worked up about trying to justify things to other people. He truly never worries about what other people think.
My mother tells me that when she was younger, she always kept the elders in her life close to her. She says that she has always valued the experience and wisdom that elders can offer, and often are excited to share. My mother always encourages me to keep in touch with the elders in my life, not only because out of respect, but also because they have so many life lessons to impart prior to moving on. Something I had trouble understanding as a teenager but have a better understanding of now, is my mother’s telling me to have friends who are much elder than I. When I was in high school, I couldn’t fathom “hanging out” with older individuals. However, now I have several friends who qualify for senior citizens specials. I am unsure why, but I feel like I can truly be myself when I am around my older friends. With them, there is no competition, envy, or other negative “vibes” that sometimes exist among peers. Although some of my younger friends think I am weird for having friends that are older than my parents, I am happy to have my elder friends and wouldn’t change them for the world!
My grandfather taught me so much about hard work and dedication. He immigrated to this country when he was very young and he had no money. He had multiple jobs during the day and forced himself to take classes at night. He was getting around 4 hours of sleep a day; sometimes it was less. He supported himself and then when he met his future wife, he supported her as well. He had the desire and motivation to keep him afloat. He sacrificed everything he had for the people around him and if it weren’t for him. It really made me think of the importance of priorities and time management. He turned out to be quite successful. I will never forget the stories he told me.
“Caring is what matters most in life,” nonagenarian Edith Carter told me with heartfelt conviction as I interviewed her for a project on active nonagenarians.
Every day this dedicated woman made the walk from her retirement cemteer apartment to the rehab wing, spending an hour visiting residents to show them that they weren’t forgotten. “It’s as good for me as it is for them,” she explained.
Edith’s insistence that “we shouldn’t be bystanders and wait for someone else to help” was shaped by the tragedy of her having been a victim of the Holocaust. She survived unspeakable horrors, not the least of which was losing her husband as well as every other member of her family. After going through complete despair, she created a new life for herself in America. In her sixty years of living in Cincinnati, she took every opportunity to speak out about the hellish events of the Holocaust and against ongoing global atrocities.
Despite the starvation, hard work, and deprivation of the war years, Edith insisted she was never sick – only “sick in heart and mind” over man’s inhumanity to man.
Edith was content in her apartment at her retirement home. Friends mattered most to her, and she had companions of all ages. She lived a life of simplicity: a window in her bedroom through which light streamed, meaningful photos and artwork on the walls, and being able to watch world news, listen to NPR, and have a steady diet of reading – these means of connecting and keeping informed were all she needed. She cared nothing about materialism. “Possessions are all just lifeless things,” she noted.
She suffered terribly each time she remembered the losses of her past, but she delved into her personal history to be able to help new generations understand that hatred and bigotry must never be allowed to scourge the earth again.
Before her death in May of 2010 at the age of 95, Edith spoke frequently in public about her hellish war experiences, all to bear witness to the evil of this time in history and to work against repeating it.
Edith recorded her memories for Yad Vashem, Israel’s Holocaust Memorial; videotaped a remembrance of the events through which she lived for Project Eternity; filmed a testimony for the Survivors of the Shoah Visual History Foundation; emblazoned her story in the Holocaust collection of the Jacob Rader Marcus Center of Cincinnati’s American Jewish Archives; and confided her past to her granddaughter-in-law, Patricia J. Hruby, who chronicled Edith’s experiences in Two Worlds: A Family Memoir about the Holocaust, Intermarriage, and Love.
“I try to emphasize that we all have to be part of it – we can’t sit and wait for others to take action,” Edith said. “We must support those far out on the branch.”
My Grandma taught me the importance of asserting your own opinion and remaining dignified, right up until the end of her life. Even at the end of her life when she could no longer talk, she used to write her personal preferences on paper and give them to my mother to tell her caregivers, because she always thought she had the right to remain as comfortable as possible. And she was right! I was always proud of her for making sure she asserted herself, and I try to do the same in my life, even when it would be easier to keep quiet.
When visiting an elderly home in Maine I was talking to a group of women with more energy than you could possibly imagine. One woman left an impact on my life and I always remember what she said when we were leaving, “Variety is the spice of life, EXCEPT with your husband.”
One of our more memorable family mantras was started by my Great Uncle many years ago, and has been a favorite line of my parents every since. It goes, “Your sister is your best friend is your sister is your best friend is your sister is your best friend is your sister….(and so on).”
This lesson has always been a useful reminder for my sister and me, and has helped keep our relationship strong.
My grandfather has said that you should be smart about spending money. But this does not mean that we should meticulously scrimp on everything. “Money that should be spent, should be spent.”
I recently applied to medical schools. At one point, I did not want to add anymore schools. Applications are very expensive, with each school at $100 to $150. But then I was reminded of my grandfather’s words. I should not concern myself with the cost of education. Plus, I was limiting my list to the point of concern because I was not applying to enough schools to be safe.
Thanks grandpa.
Appreciating the Present
An older lady who helped out at my church frequently served as a role model and mentor for me and a bunch of my peers. Something she reinforced constantly was the importance of living in the present moment. We only have one moment at a time so cherish it, embrace it, and live it to the fullest before it’s gone completely.
Oftentimes, especially in our fast pace society, it is easy to be constantly planning for our futures or dwelling in our past mistakes, accomplishments, etc. Taking the time to realize that now is all we’ve got enables me to appreciate the relationships, community, and environment that I am blessed with. Knowing this, it is far simpler to take advantage of those opportunities which truly benefits me more than attempting to plan something out myself.
One of the greatest life lessons I have learned is from my father on my bat mitzvah. Standing next to my identical twin sister, he quoted Marlo Thomas by saying “Always remember to run your own race.” As a cross-country runner and an identical twin, I repeat this phrase whenever I feel competitive or jealous of my sister and peers. It allows me to prosper as an individual and furthermore, it encouraged me to separate from my sister in college. With a great deal of apprehension and anxiety, we split up and are in the midst of a new beginning: making friends without everyone saying “Twins!” and going to classes without the teachers fascinated by our similar strengths and interests. Even though it is difficult to be apart, I have embraced my individuality. Running around Beebe lake, across the Suspension bridge and up the Slope, I think to myself I am truly running my own race.
Each new phase of our lives hold gifts and challenges. As I moved from the motherhood to the crone stage, I celebrated with a rite of passage that included good friends, good food, candles, words of gratitude to each of my guests, and loving words from each of my guests. Each friend brought a bead or small stone and described the part I play in her life. I needleworked a Tree of Life and incorporated all those beads and stones. My joy and gratitude in the wisdom and serenity of being older replaces society’s message that youth and physical beauty are the only ideal. I have more aches and pains now, but my heart and head still look forward. I do not grieve the past or fear the future. The rite of passage helped me fully embrace and appreciate the beginning of my life’s last stage.
Although a “young” over 60 (62), I feel one of the greatest traits I have learned and would pass on is to learn responsibility. I was a rebelous teen and did not really learn responsibility until I went in the military (which is something I think EVERY teen should experience and use as a means to pay back this great country). I would urge every young person to get a college education or learn a viable trade early. I spent my 20′s earning low pay as an enlisted person in the military and retired after 20 years. I was later able to gain a college education after retiring. My advice, get the education FIRST. It will go a long way toward teaching responsibility as well with all the deadlines for papers and having to ensure you get to classes on your own instead of relying on parents to get you there.
Dear Patrick,
As a former “rebellious teen” myself, I resonate to what you are saying! I’ve also had many people describe military service as a way to find discipline and a purpose in life. Thanks for sharing your lessons!
“Social Graces”
A 93 year old woman named Ruth (my mother) recently told a story about coming to age in her teenage years during the Great Depression, made worse for her family by the Dust Bowl on the plains of North Dakota. This was not the first time that her family had suffered hardships, however. Her grandmother, named Martha, immigrated to North Dakota alone in 1890 to marry a man named Jens, whom she knew only from a letter, a man who had come to the United States earlier with his family, only to have his first wife and two daughters die from typhoid fever. Jens originally came to this country from the same area in Sweden as Martha, so he knew about her family having three daughters. Despite having never met these young women, he wrote to one asking her to come to North Dakota and marry him. She declined, but her sister, Martha, accepted, knowing that she wanted to begin her family in America. The young woman packed up her nice linens and clothing, traveled to North Dakota, surprised to find that she would be living in a sod house. Jens and Martha worked their farm together, raising five children, but it would be 4 years after their marriage before they were able to build their home and move out of the sod house. The story continues explaining, that for all three generations, holding onto their “social graces” brought them all through hardships, war, and strife to find their lives very successful after all.
She shared this, because despite hardship and trying times, her family kept together no matter what came their way. Ruth emphasizes that from her experience, she feels it is important in life to remember one’s “social graces” throughout both good and rough times. Admittedly, this included Emily Post’s Etiquette, the official handbook on manners. The “social graces” that she prefers to mention are:
1. Integrity.
2. Graciousness
3. Generosity.
4. Character.
5. Thoughtfulness.
6. Humor
7. Positive Outlook
Our country is undergoing some difficult financial times, affecting many families. Many of those out of work today have been hard working, contributing citizens, but now find themselves living with hardships and uncertainty. But for all of us, it is not how we conduct ourselves in good times that will define us, but rather how we conduct ourselves in difficult times. We can keep our “social graces” at work each day by:
1. Be honest and fair.
2. Treat others with respect, both in word and deed.
3. Give of yourself and your salary to those in need.
4. Show strong character.
5. Be thoughtful, not just hurried, in making decisions that affect others.
6. Remember humor is almost always appreciated.
7. Be positive, and avoid pessimistic attitudes.
Our country has worked through problems in the past, and it is likely we will again with hard work, perseverance, tenacity, and sacrifice. We are asked to do more with less during these times, and we all appreciate having the opportunity to come to work each day. Think about the relevancy of these “social graces,” and consider whether there is significance for them today.
Christy Fair, 62
Dear Christy,
Thanks you so much for offering this beautiful and detailed set of lessons. It is extraordinary what our elders went through, and so important that we transmit what they have learned. Some of these lessons may seem “old-fashioned” to younger people, but they are simply so true.
When I was in my 20′s and would see an older person it made me sad that someday I would be old. I am n;ow 63, have two wonderful grown children and a fabulous grandchild who brings me great joy. I often wonder where the time went!! I have always tried to laugh as much and as often as possible and I continue to learn new things every day. Staying active, being curious and maintaining the ability to laugh, (especially at myself) has kept me happy. I have also been single since 1979.
Hi Dianne,
Many young people have these kinds of fears about aging, but the interviews we conducted (and other research) shows that many people are happier after 60 than they were when they were younger. And you’re right – we don’t have to be married to be happy!
Thanks for sharing your lessons.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is to take time to be a good person. It is important to teach your children and grandchilden to be good citizens, know the right thing to do and give back to their community. The second thing I learned is to play and have fun with your family and friends. Work is important for sustaining your life but how you spend your time with others or alone makes for quality of life. Be good to yourself, your family, your community and have fun. Your example can influence more people than you realize. Be a good example for others.
You can’t find completeness in accomplishments, things or another person. The state of perfect peace comes from an intimate relationship with God. Seek God and you’ll have EVERYTHING you need.
Here’s a lesson for living which, at age 69, I’m still having trouble learning myself: simply shut up and listen. To the words and ideas of others, to the sounds of nature, to your own body. It’s not an easy lesson to learn, because there are times when what we have to say feels much more ‘important’ than what others are saying at us, but it’s an extremely valuable exercise, for a number of reasons: it’s a window into human nature; listening is a social lubricant; you might learn something; you might avoid or solve a problem you didn’t know you had; and so on.
Hi Cameron,
I couldn’t agree more – especially given that I myself have to struggle with listening. It’s so easy to be thinking, for example, of what one is planning to say next that we don’t hear what the other person is saying. This is one key lesson for living that people of any age would benefit from. Thanks!
I interviewed 28 active people in their nineties to find out what were the traits of someone whom I considered a “lively nonagenarian.” Here are 20 commonalities I observed:
Flexibility (being willing to adapt to new situations)
Having a sense of humor
Living simply
Taking one day at a time
Never turning down an invitation
Doing things in moderation (particularly in regard to food)
Getting regular exercise
Having an optimistic attitude
Keeping mentally stimulated
Being open to meeting new people
Relating to younger people
Being connected to friends and family
Involvement in enjoyable activities
Loving to read
Having a “nothing can stop me” outlook
Sharing and caring
Not thinking about age
Being interested in what’s going on around you
Never quitting learning
Being just plain lucky (being blessed with good genes, good health,
and meaningful relationships)
© Connie Springer, larkspur@fuse.net. The book may be viewed and ordered from http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1785463#
Hi Connie,
I love this list of lessons! And the book looks terrific!
Do you have a list of questions that you asked these people. I’d like to see it. Or are those questions only in your book?
Chad
Hi Chad,
That is a great suggestion. We will do a post in the next few days with the major questions asked in the Legacy Project to obtain elders’ life lessons.
One important lesson I have learned is to look forward to the future. I only realized 10 years ago that I was really an artist. Now I’m planning my next project while I’m finishing the current one. Obsessing about small things in the present just takes away from time to be creative. Be open to new ideas, sights, encounters and opportunities; you never know what path they will point you toward.
How fantastic to not only come to the realization of what you wanted to do, but to be able to actually make it a reality! Openness to change in one’s life, and to pursuing new activities should indeed happen at any age. Thanks for sharing this lesson.
Manners. Proper manners never go out of style. They let others know that you are considerate and demonstrates respect, civility and a means for common understanding. Whether in personal life or in business, manners should never be overlooked.
Hi Rick,
This is something we so often forget – thanks for raising it. Our respondents in the Legacy Project would agree – simple respect and civility go a long way in making relationships work.
Karl
Upon returing to school at 50+ years of age to finish my life long desire to become a social worker, I recognized the value of also being a role model to my children and grandchildren. Learning is life long. It doesn’t end when you graduate from high school or with a college degree. Keeping an active mind means staying in touch with life on a daily basis. I have a great connection with my grandchildren whereby they come to me to talk about things that they won’t share with anyone else. Being non-judgemental of their decisions or indecisions helps them to talk without being pressured or stressed. I have learned a lot from this next generation that has helped to understand life in this generation. I am grateful for that.
Lucinda, thanks for these wonderful thoughts! Learning is something that keeps us young, whatever our age.
Go out and enjoy each day!
Peggy enjoys helping the elderly. She gets up everyday knowing she might help someone in need and that completes her day.
Don’t blow your money.
Live right, so you can die right!
Save your money
Go and live life before wheelchairs, walkers and canes are needed. Travel and spend your money to live in the present.
Always look at the glass 1/2 full.
Never go to bed mad at your husband.
Don’t stay home and grieve for loved ones that have passed. Get out and stay active doing what you were doing before…..stay busy!
Just keep living!
Do as much when you are young, because you can’t do anything once you get old.
My mom once told me to be sure to do whatever you think you want to do NOW because when you get old you may not be able. It’s advice that I live by. If I want to do it, I do it now. I don’t wait. As a result, I have lived a very full and joyous life! If I die tomorrow, I can say, I had a blast! For example, I’ve lived in international markets – Holland & Bermuda, visited multiple countries including London, France, Belgium, and Canada, traveled across the U.S. from California to New York to Florida and Seattle; eaten foods from around the world; met people from all nationalities and walks of life; and have seen the glory of God on this earth. It really has been special, in spite of life’s most difficult moments, I have such fond memories of all those experiences. Wouldn’t change it for the world. In fact, if I’d have to really sit tight long enough to create a bucket list. Maybe I will, when I’m done living life.
People make decisions 3 ways-with their head, their, heart, and their gut. Decisions made with their head are done logically, using critacal thinking skills. Ones made with the heart are made on an emotional level. But the decisions made with the gut are are feeling you get in the pit of your stomach-something about the situation doesn’t feel right. Whenever you are faced with a situation that doenst feel right in the pit of your gut, then follow that and you’ll make the right decision.
To succeed,mMaster Oral & Written Expression, read Joseph Campbell and follow your bliss!
Hello Gordon! I agree – and I think Joseph Cambell’s written expression of complex and difficult ideas is a great model: both for thinking about how to live, and how to write!
The best advice I ever got was from my 1st Mother-in-law, whom I loved. I was only 28 at the time and thought it was the silliest thing i ever heard, but as time has passed(28 years) I realized it was just profound. Are u Ready? All she said to me was: “It’s only a problem if you think it is a problem.” In other words if there were things in my life that disturbed me all i could do was make changes w/ my self. There is no changing other people, only changing yourself, your situation, etc. She was a very wise woman and I am thankful she shared her experiences and wisdom gathered from them w/me.
This is terrific advice, Luann. Many of the elders felt they had learned that lesson. I began to call this view “Happy in spite of…” as opposed to “Happy if only…” People who have been through some of the hardships that America’s elders have experienced know to seek happiness inspite of problems, I think.