"Children Who Break Your Heart": A Reader Asks for Your Advice

At the Legacy Project, we’ve asked over 1200 of the oldest and wisest Americans for their advice about how to solve life’s problems. In this post we ask: How do you deal with children who break your heart? For advice on this topic and much more, see the bestselling book 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans.

In an earlier post, one of the Legacy Project elders shared her mixed feelings about having children. Loraine,89 , talked about accepting both the joy and the pain children can bring. She stated: “If you don’t have children now, when you have them you will have these moments.  When you look at them and your heart – it’s like your heart takes all the pain and all the love for them that you have.”

We just received a comment on that post from one of our readers, who would like your advice:

What about when your children are disappointments? I would like to hear how parents handle situations when their most loved children are cause for a broken heart? Comments please!

We asked some experts for their advice, which you can find here.

Can you help? Does anyone have advice for overcoming the heartbreak children can sometimes cause? Please share your comments!

437 thoughts on “"Children Who Break Your Heart": A Reader Asks for Your Advice

  1. To all those mothers posting about how terrible their children are for cutting them off… they sound just like my mom. So much pity party and not accepting of their mistakes, all this whining about the children you raised. I have a feeling ypu have been complaining about your children and cutting people out of your lives for your entire existence . Teaching your own children how to eventually cut you out. It’s sad, to waste your life parenting a child to act in such a way and not understanding you did it. As a daughter of a mother with BPD who has cut me out of her life multiple times. Who is killing me daily because my hatred for her is soo strong. My goal is to not allow my own daughers see me cut her off, or see her cut me off. That’s not normal behavior and people learn it by having it done to them. To the mothers whining on here, perhaps look at yourself. How unbareable are you to be around and can you change? If you cant change accept it how it is so your children can find peace even if the only way is an adult life without their mom.

  2. Let’s all say a collective prayer that our children’s hearts will open, and know what we’ve done for them. May all of your hearts be comforted for there is no greater pain than to know the love of a child that looked up at us after birth with that sacred smile, and now have turned away. It hurts like hell, the only thing I can do is to become a child again, look up at my Father, and humbly say a prayer and ask for help…

  3. I don’t have comments, but I do have a situation, I have 4 children and I been raising them most of their lives on my own, I was raised with lots of violence. I end up having children and I was heading the same direction but I realized that the was not the right way, I seek for counseling, I try my best but my best has not been enough for any of my children. My oldest son join the military and his reason according to him was my fault due to my way of raising him, my third daughter hates me because her daddy end up in prison due to his behavior a rapist and she blamed me for her not having her daddy. My other two adult children they are respectful. This past Saturday I had a little party and the party turn into violence My 24 year old daughter and I arguing then my youngest gets involved and I ended up hitting her then my daughter in law comes and starts fighting with the 24 year old then my son starts hitting my 24 year old as well to the point that I pulled his hair so he can stop hitting his sister and that is when he starts beating me and saying that he hates me and don’t care for me. I am so hurt that I don’t know what to do anymore.

  4. I feel like a lot of parents with broken hearts have to realize that some of their feelings of anger or sadness stem from the fact that their child is just another person. In a parent’s eyes, their child is their child and nothing more. They give birth to a baby and don’t think about when they grow up – how they will be in their teens, what they will be like as adults; and when they finally are able to understand their child’s personality, they get defensive and upset when it wasn’t what they wanted. It’s true that parents do mold a child when they are young but a lot of what a person in comes through self-development, and parents should learn to accept that they have no control over that.

    Also, consider the fact that maybe you are being unreasonable. If a child cuts you out of their life there is probably a good reason, whether the fact was that you were a bad parent (in their eyes, which is the most important perspective) or the fact that their significant other doesn’t like you, any reason is valid. If they barely talk to you or call you or whatever, it’s because they have their own lives to lead. Think back to your own parents, when you began to live your own life and get married, you probably drifted apart from them as well. It is not your child’s duty or obligation to keep in touch with you. You chose to raise them and now you should let them make their own choices.

    Life is not just about your children, life is about yourself. Learn to accept you circumstances and move on peacefully.

  5. I have 35 & 33 yo sons. The elder has been estranging us for the past 10 yrs, has us in his life for awhile then cuts us off again. I gave him furniture, money whatever I could thinking he would want us around. He has been belittling his father, brother & I for as long as I can remember. Finally my younger son told us there had been bad relations between them as children, too ugly & perverse to go into. After much counseling I have decided it is over. I cannot fix this & don’t want to try anymore. He has used & abused all of us. I will always love him & wish him well. Unfortunately he is the one who has to own up to what he has done & I know it will never happen. He continues to hurt me by having visits with my sisters, brothers & my Dad. I know they are his family too but he has painted a picture to them of my husband & I being bad parents and his brother being some crazy mental case. He has also been lying for years about ordinary things. We have had enough. I have a granddaughter from him whom I did not get to know very well. He has told her we are bad people…sometimes there is no way back.

  6. I came looking for an answer to why our adult sons and grandchildren either take us for granted or we are not a priority on their lists.
    It came to a head today when after paying for a grandson to come spent three weeks with us and paying his way while he was here he left without us standing at the airport as he headed to the to go through the scanning system – he didn’t even say good bye or thank you. We were streaming and very upset by the time we got home only to find he had left us a thank you card in the room he was sleeping in. Yes it took the blunt off of the airport scene but that was soon erased by not getting a phone call when he arrived at the other end safe and sound…
    Just writing about this helps as does knowing we are not alone and it could be much worse…. Life will go on but we will not be contacting any of them begging to see them on SKYPE, to find out how they are or to let them know how we are… Maybe we will plan to go away for an extend period of time and not tell them anything about it… to see how long it is before we hear anything…from any one of them…

  7. Thank you Caroline for some useful, thought provoking comments and reminders. Too often this site is only a place in which we who have a difficult relationship becomes just a place to vent. Although I wholeheartedly agrees that venting is useful and necessary it is hardly an opportunity for person growth or enlightenment. It’s just venting. I really appreciate when someone shares something that actually helps me think about my own path and changes I can make to help improve a situation. Caroline you did this without finger wagging or blaming or other disgruntled grown children diatribes. Simply information to share with others that might be useful. Well done!

  8. If you treat your children with contempt, malice and cruelty because they had the audacity to be different from what would have served your selfish purposes best, know that even if they stay in your life, it’s no compliment to you at all.

  9. This is simply a sign of the times there are exceptions to all situations. Sometimes it is clearly, parents haven’t passed on a faith in God or shared and lived in away that would glorify God. Really no problem is so big ,it is just that people are so small in their hearts. The he said ,she said, drama ,the unforgiven person it’s all because their is no reverence for God. Also mental illness’s fall into the issues. Prayer Prayer Prayer and the last person that has a right to say anything is the person that this has not happened to yet. I say yet because if you are dishing it out you will get it back. God bless you all.

  10. Today’s the day that i would never want to look back. its the most painful thing i felt from my only child. Being a single mom raising a daughter was never been easy but i held on with hopes that we will get through with the help of my parents and hoping one day will have a happy family. with all that I have, i have tried to give everything i can to make my daughter always happy. I do have a strong spiritual faith that things will be brighter for us. Now that i am married (not my daughter’s father) and now that my daughter is a young adult(19 yrs old) with a boyfriend, things have changed. Her personality has changed who’d rather be with his boyfriend than be with us. who would find time for his boyfriend but not for our family affairs. Everytime i would ask her to get a time off to be with us for an outing she would say she cant but always habe plans to be with her boyfriend and would sometimes even get out of her way to make it. I have some interractions with her telling her how she has changed and of course she is denying it and saying sorry..I have been controlling my emotions but deep down inside im always hurting. Today me and my husband were both sick (my husband with gout attack and could hardly stand up, crawling in pain, and I with bursitis limping due to the pain i feel, I decided not to go to work to go to the Doctor. Knowing that my daughter is working at 3:pm I asked her to drive us to the doctor at around 10:30 am. She replied saying its going to take time for her to wait as we dont have an appointment. I told her that she has a lot of time and its not going to affect her work. She said its ok if she will just drop us off and pick us up again, To my dismay i replied thats not practical as the clinic is far from where we live and wouldnt even know how long it will take us to get our spot. I stopped and just left her as i didnt want things to get rough between us since im not feeling well. When i was at the clinic i texted her saying Im so dissapointed and humiliated by her behaviour and hurt to see how ungrateful she is to me when i needed her. I told her i felt ashamed to myself and my husband for seeing her bahve that way. I told her that i will never forget what she did for as long as I live. I told her that from now on she shouldnt be expecting anything from us. This is the 2nd time she did this to me. Im so hurt that I want to cut my ties with her… My only child disrespecting her only parent she has from the day she was born. I pray to God that she will still give me strength to overcome this and open my daughters heart and eyes to realize how she is acting. I feel so ashamed to have raised a very selfish child even to her mother.

  11. I brought my daughter up pretty much alone. My husband and I divorced when she was 14 and he took off to another state and gave no financial support. We were living on the west coast. I had no close family, they were in another country. I did my very best for her. Gave her everything she wanted. I had no social life of my own, just going to work, trying to build a career to earn more money, and taking care of my daughter. My daughter behaved badly and I was always paying or finding ways to get her out of jams. She was in with a bad crowd, but nothing I could do seemed to work. Finally, she straightened up, but was hostile toward me. After college, she told me she was going to the east coast for a one week vacation, but she never came back. About a year later, I was very lonely, so I also moved to the east to be closer to her and have a shorter journey to my family in Europe. She ended up marrying a man I really dislike because he has been so disrespectful to me, which she obviously allows. She told me over the phone she was getting married. I was not invited to the wedding. Recently, she had a child. When she was pregnant, I was not invited to the shower, but I gave them $1000 for the child. That’s a lot of money to me. (I’m still working past retirement age.) No thanks from the disrespectful husband, but I got an impersonal thank you card from her. When the child was born, I took 2 days vacation from work to be there for her. (I had told my daughter that I would take this time off.) My vacation time was wasted waiting around for a call to come to the hospital. It never came. She didn’t let me come to the hospital until the evening of the second day after his relatives and everyone else had visited. I feel so hurt. I love my daughter, but I just keep getting hurt over and over by her. Should I stop trying to be in her life and just walk away?

  12. Caroline, your comments are not kind and very simplistic. In our current world our kids are raised by social values which encourage-
    1. if you don’t like you can just leave.
    2. it is all about me, me, me, myself and I which is hard enough to build a relationship with, let alone when a undeveloped teen is encouraged in that thought.
    3. I can do what I want.

    Yes we can do with more social values in this world, which can come from a traditional religious believe. Some 70 years ago, even those who did not go to church had morals and values like the church, now there is a lacking in morals and values, even if you instil them in a child, society (by way of schools and laws) undermine them.

  13. You know to each their own-
    Every situation is different.
    Every child is different and every parent/parenting style is different.
    Sometimes it’s let go.
    Sometimes it’s try harder.
    Ultimately after being exasperated with all different attempts,
    When sorry isn’t good enough-
    Whether it was your mistake or theirs-
    It takes two to tango.
    I find that if one of you isn’t willing to make the relationship work then it just simply won’t.
    Sometimes being a parent , whether you think or you truly do all the right things say all the right things and try all things,
    It’s either TOO MUCH or NOT ENOUGH.
    This is where I’m lost.
    This is where I just surrender and pray.
    Have hope that if they don’t come back or don’t want the relationship or whatnot,
    That they will be okay.
    That you will be okay.
    Sometimes surrendering to be okay is all we have hope for as parents.
    And I’m more than happy with that.

  14. My grown 50 year old daughter has no interest in me. I am 74. For many years, at family or friend get togethers, she completely ignores me. Although we only live 1 mile apart, she never visits. If I call her and need her for something, she comes but otherwise ignores me. I don’t know how to react and I am very hurt.

  15. I read both sides on this site and the one thing i do read a lot of is criticism from those who are not in the parental position .. as yet. And who are basically telling the parents to either take a look at themselves or get on with life and let the kids do the same. The beauty of age and experience is hindsight and how history is known to repeat itself….over and over. One day these little get on with life ‘know it alls’ will be in the parental position and i hope their grief is as profound as some of the poor souls looking for comfort yet they have the gaul to criticise and who have never walked a mile in their shoes. Typical nasty opinionated and self righteous arrogance.

  16. I goggled this topic to see if I was alone in this endeavor. I see there are many stories of heartbreak and heartache regarding children. I am the mother of four adult kids. In February 2013, I was laid off from my job. During my seven years there my children always needed help, even if it was no more than resume preparation. Even though they had their own significant others and children, they were always calling. It seems after losing my job and not becoming employed for a year. They turned their backs on me. At one point I had to move in with a son. He met a young lady and had a whirlwind affair. She was attempting to get pregnant a month later. My son gradually moved her in and her gradual desire for expedite exit become more apparent. I used to love forward to weekends to see my grandchildren. It seems I am the last priority in their lives. At moments it becomes very depressing.

  17. It is truly sad to see how people have become to each other. I have spent the last four and a half years raising my grand daughter. I lost EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING. I had to go live with my mother to survive. I could go into how much suffering went on but will spare all of you that. I prayed so hard for my daughter to come around to be the mother she should be. She did which I should be happy but I am wounded. It is not as I thought it would be. My mom sides and plans with my grand daughter and I am left out in the dark. They treat me like I am no one and an outsider. I tell them this and they say, that’s not true. Oh but it is true. It’s just sad. No consideration of all that was lost and emotional attatchment. It’s not that easy. Just venting. Thanks people.

  18. To all those mothers posting about how terrible their children are for cutting them out of there life..Would you be friends with a person that physical and mental abused you. No of course not.. So then why is it ok for parents to complain that there son or daugther cut them out for there life when they were treble to them growing up. Just maybe you child removed you from there life because you were not able to accept that you weren’t parent of the year.

    My own mother was nothing short of a monster there was physical and mental abuse. I can remember my mother holding my brothers head under water to get him to stop crying. Spiking his bottle with liquor so that he stop crying
    this is a person you be friends with? My Mother Dr shopped tell the dr we fell or were out side playing and hurt ourself?

    I have made my peace years ago with her understand that she was brought up the same way and didn’t know any better her father was a monster to her.. so you learn from example… this is why i do not have kids of my own need to break this sick cycle of abuse..

    So look in the mirror and start accepting responsible for the outcome for your relationship with you kid…..

  19. As the child of estranged parents i see thinks some what different
    I grew up in a very dysfunctional family setting. Now as a adult i have learned to forgive them for there wrong doings. After may years of therapy, I find it very hard to have any kind of relationship with them at all, mostly because they never acknowledge that this is a problem..But most of all i worry about the affect they will have on my own kids. Any ideas on how to deal with this?

  20. Love them anyway, forgive them, and PRAY for them..
    I have had my heart broken several times by my own children whom are all adults now. i have been cussed at, called names, used, owed lots of money after they borrowed, cut off from them, hit, etc.. but my love for them is unconditional…
    we never understand this generation of kids growing up, and we tend to blame ourselves for every thing they do wrong. but know you will always be MOM.
    and when they grow, all that you have taught them will pay off….
    love them for who they are not what they can do.
    even when they disappoint us, we are called to love them and forgive them..
    ask GOD to help you.. hHe really is always waiting to hear from you, He wants to help really!!

  21. Were families really any more loving or moral or kind than they were generations ago, or did they just stay together for practical/survival reasons? I tend to think the latter. In many cases, not all, love probably had little to do with it.

    The parents quickest to say “Whatever happened, it’s all in the past now” are usually the most abusive ones who’ve done the most harm. But instead of owning up to it, they want the status quo back so they can continue being disgusting to their kids without ever having to answer for it.

    Parents who are angry that their children won’t tolerate their abuse any more like to pull the “back in my day” card when they realize their manipulations are no longer effective. Right after becoming furious with you for daring to stand up for yourself

  22. James, thank you for what you said. I am the daughter of a very abusive mother. i knew from the time I was a teenager I would never have children as I would never risk creating another life for her to manipulate, warp and destroy. Those who gleefully wait for adult children who cut contact with their parents to experience estrangement from their own children may be waiting quite a while.

  23. I also have two children whom I don’t feel that I have a great relationship with. I have been divorced from their father for about eight years. What I have come to learn is this. Whenever I have expectations of them or want them to behave a certain way or say certain things, I am greatly disappointed. This is very hard I know. Not to have expectations of your child? Yes that is right. I have very wise female friends, have received counseling and once I accepted this fact my life became much better. I can’t force them to do anything. If they don’t want to communicate with me then that’s their choice. I always tell them I love them. I raised them.They know right from wrong but they are on their own journey. I know they love me and that’s enough for me. When I stopped trying to control how they behaved I became so much happier. If your children want to act like spoiled brats and unrespectful let them.They are in God’s hands. I steer clear of people who don’t want me around or whom treat me badly. It’s self preservation my friends! I hope this helps someone…God Bless!

  24. Tonight I too have decided to surrender all, my struggle, my pain, it’s too much. Today is my son’s birthday, he is 38. I messaged him early morning to wish him, then tried calling him later in the day. He doesn’t answer, doesn’t call back, doesn’t respond. We went on holiday recently to the same city he lives in. For ten days, we never got to see him, he kept saying he’s very busy. I was heartbroken. I have always support ed him, always done the best my could for him, he doesn’t want a relationship with me for whatever his reasons. I have to let go, it’s too stressful, too much pain, It makes me very
    depressed , my health is suffering. I hope I can do this. I love my son so much. I can only pray.

  25. Thank you Theresa. It is so hard not to feel hurt, angry and resentful when your adult kids are acting selfish and hurtful. I have copied your post to a Word doc. so that I can read it and remind myself that when things are tough, rise above it and forgive them… it seemed so much easier to do when they were young and naïve.

  26. After 59 years of trying to get my mother to love me, approve of me, be proud of me I am done. I just got a college degree and I thought, “ok, this is it! Now she’ll be proud of me”. No. all the time I’ve wasted on a fruitless endeavor, looking for something she will never give me. All the cruelties and thoughtless hurts. All my striving for something I will never, ever get. I am divorcing my mother for my own sanity. I am sure she will tell her friends and her favorite sister what a faithless, selfish daughter I am as many of these posts by parents say. I am relieved knowing all this time it is my mother with the problem. She doesn’t love me and it’s not my fault. I am her star child. I am the only one not alcoholic. My husband is the only spouse that is a recovering addict, 30 years strong. I am her only child with a degree. She is envious of what I have and what I have done that she never had the strength of character or will to do. Think people! The myth that a mother always has to love her child is just that, a myth. Of course, there are times the child is the selfish, thoughtless one, but remember my story. I tried long past the point I should have known she didn’t love me. Goodbye mom. I would say I hope you miss me but that’s not true. I am sure you will be secretly as relieved as I am.

  27. If you are a parent, you have had great joy and great sorrow. I have helped raise 2 stepchildren-boy and girl, one son from my 1st marriage (father deceased) then 1 son and 1 daughter from my 2nd marriage I was a 24/7 mom -loved my kids -all of them- my step children were co-parented 50% by father/and me. We get along great not good – great with their mom. The children all have the same last name as my husband adopted by son from my 1st marriage. We believe 4 of our children love us – the youngest tells people we were ‘Bad’ parents .I waited for her to grow up. From age 14 onward she took every waking moment and breath I had to get her to and through high school. She never took any responsibility for her actions or lack thereof. I kept my rose-colored glasses on and made her life at university ‘suit her’ – lovely apartment in security bldg. with lots of amenities/sportscar/insurance/gasoline/tuition/food & clothing – Free…barely made it to classes /goofed off for 3 years – asked her to come home-she did but ‘hated’ being back home – I never raised my voice or gave her any grief no matter her choices as she said she would commit suicide if her life was too difficult – yes I paid for psychiatric help for 18 months – by age 22 she had met a man (wonderful guy)on the internet and married him with little time spent actually together prior to the wedding day (chaperoned a dozen hours maybe) – now the problem – I just found out he thinks we do not like him so does not bring her or send her the long distance home – we have never said a negative word about him! We both gave her tons of love and all the emotional support we had in us. I would guess that we spent $140,000 on her from age 15 to 21. I felt absolutely ‘knifed’ when she typed into public media that we were ‘bad’ parents.

  28. A lot of kids today feel they are entitled. They treat their friends much better than their own parents and thats not right. The time to teach them respect has long past and giving them everything and not making them work for what they have has made the children grow up as “its all about me adults”. You created a monster and now you wonder why they are like that????????

  29. I dont really understand if I should still bring my son to this church ,It seems mostly kids hate him to be around ,It really breaks my heart sometimes Hearing unkind words and gesture against him he is just 4 yrs old.I dont see fair treatments .Maybe because they dont dislike us thats why the kid recieved the same treatment .Which is not fair.Does It church supposed to be the best place to mingle or it is really the worst place to go.

  30. There is no way to understand the pain..no way to fix it. Apologies for things you have never done. Being excluded, isolation, trying to understand. I raised on my own 2 successful, adult men with healthy relationships with their wives who are also successful in their lives. I raised them, alone. Yet, I am nothing to them. I was in my twenties when they were born. I divorced their father because he cheated on me so many times. Yet they rarely saw him, he paid little child support and is accepted in their lives. I am treated like a leper. I lost my home they were not there.
    Zero help. The home they were raised in.
    I am not a drug addict not have I ever been in jail, a prostitute or abused them. I put them in sports was team mom, went to games, field trips, and always encouraged them. Yet when I needed and am having a difficult time they abandon me. I feel betrayed and ashamed. And being the mom
    I wonder. What did I do that was so wrong?

  31. My daughter left four weeks ago today, i woke up went down stairs she was gone . Her stuff was gone all her cosplay stuff and she took our dog no note. I died inside that day and the only words i have had my email only are nasty cold and full of lies and cruelty. I have not heard from here since and have not heard her voice in four weeks . I wished she had done me in , instead of this broken heart that I now have.I still nightly dream about her and our puppy, but she hates me and I honestly have growned to dislike whom she has now become.I cope day by day with whom i was before I was a mum. I have to almost forget her to survive. Her hatred kills me, people are told stories and she has become dark in her heart . So my heart at this moment dont want to see her, her actions show that being an adult by age doesnt make her an adult by action.I pray to god that one day she will see that breaking her mum,s heart cant be undone . Everyone says for not to reach out to her, let her come to me when she sees it really hurts . To all who are out there , my heart goes out to you all. I am struggling and it happens alot.

  32. My fiance feels like he will never have 100 percent of my heart and soul because I have a young child by my ex husband which is not in the picture but my fiance still feels some type of way because my some is still no matter what apart of his dad, I understand his feelings but don’t know how too tell him that he does have all of me whether I have a child or not! Please explain to me how this works with me having a child from my previous marriage???

  33. None of that really matters… I just need a way to cope with the feelings that overcome me… I am crying so much sometimes… What did I do, Don’t give in to manipulation. Love them but don’t be afraid of setting healthy boundaries.Thank you all for sharing, it really helped me realize I am not alone. Both my grown kids having been putting me through hell.

  34. As a now adult child at 28 I think there has to be some unforgiveness maybe in the child’s heart that doesn’t visit their parents, or the parents have not apologized or owned up for some horrible flops in their parenting along the way! Divorce, unfair treatment. My pastor always says what the parents do in moderation the kids will do in excess. SO if the parents always cut people out of their life and didn’t forgive people you showed your kids that and its buiting you in the butt now that they are adults and are doing it to you! Parents are some of the most important people in our lives (more than my friends) I honor my parents and now that i am an adult and will soon have my own family i understand the sacrifices from both of them! Their not these “people” that I’ve known from birth but they GAVE ME LIFE! And loves me and my siblings like crazy! I have forgiven them for the things that happened in my child hood that was damaging (neglect, divorce re-marriage etc) And i wont hold their mistakes to them, they are only human. I could NEVER ignore them and go about my life with them on the back burner! NO WAY!!!

  35. pray for your children seek the Lord while he may be found!! seek and ye shall find..knock and the door will be opened..God loves them more than we do! entrust them to His care,,, you let God do His work and work on yourself.. i know im going thru loneliness and im asking myself a lot of questions i will not give up cuz my blessing will come if i put my trust in Him. i know the anguish and pain where it feels like my heart has a bif hole in it.. Sometime its hard to give up the control because we are “Mom” I’m gonna work on “Me” and “Breathe”” Breathe” and remember who love me and my children!

  36. having been married to an alcoholic for 12 years, it broke my heart when my daughter got mad at me for moving away from her father when she was 12 and “taking her father from her.” She has read no books on being an Adult Child of An Alcoholic and accused my current husband of emotionally abusing her because he did not initiate the same close loving relationship he has with our daughter. I agree with Sharon that the more THINGS we give to our kids the more entitled they feel. I accept that my daughter can be mad at me for not having the greatest of childhoods. what breaks my heart is that she forgives her father because he has an actual disease – alcoholism- while she tells me that i acted out of spite and vindictiveness when i pulled myself out of her father’s alcoholic grip, went to Al-Anon for 7 years and have been working with a counselor for over 12 months. She does not let me visit with her and sent me only nasty texts until i blocked her from doing that yet she still loves her daddy who now has hepatitis C and cirrhosis! i wish i had given her more responsibility in her younger years instead of more THINGS as a way of showing her my love!

  37. My husband and I tried to help our youngest adult son, age 25, who has a very successful career, to realize that his younger 21 year old girlfriend is evil. She has amazingly had the power, when she was only 20 years old, to divide our family, and our son is seemingly on-board with her. She will not see us or talk to us for almost a year now. We went out of our way to welcome her into our family and she squandered that generosity. Our son seems to think he can keep his birth family and his possessive girlfriend as separate entities. I am going through the grieving process over this and I am living in a never ending nightmare. They are going on their two year dating anniversary. How does a young woman cause such heartache to a formerly close family? Of course we also blame our son for allowing her to do this. We did go to therapy with our son but the therapist turned out to be ineffective and a huge waste of money. Our son knows better. Where is the respect for parents? Our son lived a happy childhood, surrounded by unconditional love. He has an intact family and full of love for him.

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